How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[Happy Mom]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

I don't mean this to delve into ms territory and I also understand that things would vary with different groups, but was there ever a time in relatively recent history (eg: when the current moms and grams were in school) where a legacy was guaranteed a bid if she wanted it? I can't even imagine this ever being the case, even at schools with a non-competitive Greek life or in struggling chapters. Certainly there had to be room for cutting Sally Slorepants even if she was a quadruple legacy? But obviously these moms are getting this concept of a guaranteed bid from somewhere?

We were told in the 70's (by National) that unless a legacy had something horribly wrong with them, we had to take them. Until last year, none of My Sisters (who have been meeting for reunions for years) had any idea that the policy had changed. 20 to 30 recommendations were sent from all My Sisters who had watched my daughter grow up, I drove across Country to be there when my daughter got her bid and she was released by receiving a voicemail that morning. I don't think I have ever been so shocked or devastated in my life. If I had received any warning at all, I could have prepared both of us. I never even received a call from the Chapter to tell me she was being released. The pain and hurt I felt is indescribable. I have three sons and she was my only daughter. There were only 8 Legacies going through RUSH and only one other direct Chapter legacy. She is a very resilient young lady and bounced back by getting involved and running for office at the University. She harbors no ill will toward the girls in the Chapter and has become friends with many. I would have loved for her to pledge any of the Sororities. I just wish I had been on this Website and read these forums before she went through Recruitment. My fault that I was blindsided. I am volunteering to help with RUSH this year at the Chapter and love all the girls so everything is fine now but even now, I still get physically sick when I think of the disappointment.

[Nanners52674]

Originally Posted by Happy Mom

We were told in the 70's (by National) that unless a legacy had something horribly wrong with them, we had to take them. Until last year, none of My Sisters (who have been meeting for reunions for years) had any idea that the policy had changed. 20 to 30 recommendations were sent from all My Sisters who had watched my daughter grow up, I drove across Country to be there when my daughter got her bid and she was released by receiving a voicemail that morning. I don't think I have ever been so shocked or devastated in my life. If I had received any warning at all, I could have prepared both of us. I never even received a call from the Chapter to tell me she was being released. The pain and hurt I felt is indescribable. I have three sons and she was my only daughter. There were only 8 Legacies going through RUSH and only one other direct Chapter legacy. She is a very resilient young lady and bounced back by getting involved and running for office at the University. She harbors no ill will toward the girls in the Chapter and has become friends with many. I would have loved for her to pledge any of the Sororities. I just wish I had been on this Website and read these forums before she went through Recruitment. My fault that I was blindsided. I am volunteering to help with RUSH this year at the Chapter and love all the girls so everything is fine now but even now, I still get physically sick when I think of the disappointment.

Wow, 20 to 30 letters of rec. Is that considered a lot? (my chapter doesn't get recs)

[Happy Mom]

Originally Posted by Nanners52674

Wow, 20 to 30 letters of rec. Is that considered a lot? (my chapter doesn't get recs)

All my Sisters who went to School with me in the 70's and who I still keep in close contact with sent them in. It was not required, they just did it because they were so excited to have a Legacy from our 'group.' When she was rejected, they all felt insulted and rejected as Alumnae because they had no idea the policy had been changed. Many were so outraged that they said they were not supporting the Chapter anymore, either financially or physically. I had to call and e-mail and explain that evidently things had changed and Legacies could be rejected, my daughter was fine and I would survive. I had made the best friends in life while in College and had hoped my daughter had the same experience. She has and is making her own memories and friendships.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by Happy Mom

All my Sisters who went to School with me in the 70's and who I still keep in close contact with sent them in. It was not required, they just did it because they were so excited to have a Legacy from our 'group.' When she was rejected, they all felt insulted and rejected as Alumnae because they had no idea the policy had been changed. Many were so outraged that they said they were not supporting the Chapter anymore, either financially or physically. I had to call and e-mail and explain that evidently things had changed and Legacies could be rejected, my daughter was fine and I would survive. I had made the best friends in life while in College and had hoped my daughter had the same experience. She has and is making her own memories and friendships.

It's great that you're a mother who is supportive no matter what. I'm glad your daughter is having a great college experience, because that's what it's about!

[gee_ess]

Originally Posted by Happy Mom

All my Sisters who went to School with me in the 70's and who I still keep in close contact with sent them in. It was not required, they just did it because they were so excited to have a Legacy from our 'group.' When she was rejected, they all felt insulted and rejected as Alumnae because they had no idea the policy had been changed. Many were so outraged that they said they were not supporting the Chapter anymore, either financially or physically. I had to call and e-mail and explain that evidently things had changed and Legacies could be rejected, my daughter was fine and I would survive. I had made the best friends in life while in College and had hoped my daughter had the same experience. She has and is making her own memories and friendships.

I can only imagine how upset your whole group was. I had the same kind of support when my daughter went through. A group of us had been getting together once a year since graduation, traveling all across the country to get to each other, and they were so excited to have one of our group going through rush. And, yes, they rolled out the recs! I am so sorry that it didn't turn out as you hoped, and yet, it has still been positive. Hats off to you for your ability to handle the situation gracefully.

Also, sidenote, I cannot speak for other groups, but there is no provision within KKG to notify alums when a legacy is cut. Maybe that is the case with your group?

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by Happy Mom

We were told in the 70's (by National) that unless a legacy had something horribly wrong with them, we had to take them. Until last year, none of My Sisters (who have been meeting for reunions for years) had any idea that the policy had changed. 20 to 30 recommendations were sent from all My Sisters who had watched my daughter grow up, I drove across Country to be there when my daughter got her bid and she was released by receiving a voicemail that morning. I don't think I have ever been so shocked or devastated in my life. If I had received any warning at all, I could have prepared both of us. I never even received a call from the Chapter to tell me she was being released. The pain and hurt I felt is indescribable. I have three sons and she was my only daughter. There were only 8 Legacies going through RUSH and only one other direct Chapter legacy. She is a very resilient young lady and bounced back by getting involved and running for office at the University. She harbors no ill will toward the girls in the Chapter and has become friends with many. I would have loved for her to pledge any of the Sororities. I just wish I had been on this Website and read these forums before she went through Recruitment. My fault that I was blindsided. I am volunteering to help with RUSH this year at the Chapter and love all the girls so everything is fine now but even now, I still get physically sick when I think of the disappointment.

That's really unfortunate that you two didn't know beforehand...I'm sure it would've been a softer experience if you had. . I understand that larger chapters can't spend a lot of time on personal contact when they release a legacy because they probably release tons of them, but I remember that when we dropped a legacy (which I believe only happened twice incidentally) the mother was called. One apparently went ballistic because she was under the impression that her daughter would get an automatic bid because she was a legacy and was incredibly rude to anyone and everyone she could get in contact with. Headcase. The other was far more reasonable. Her daughter didn't seem to want to be there and was dropped. I think she must have known her daughter really wanted to be in a different chapter on campus and I honestly think the girl was revealed when we dropped her because she could accept a bid from the chapter she really wanted without feeling guilty...so in that instance, it ended up being a good situation all around.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by Happy Mom

she was released by receiving a voicemail that morning

No one should be released by voicemail.