How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I just do NOT get this. Maybe it's because I'm not a mother, and that's a fair criticism. However, if my cousin rushes this fall and my sorority drops her despite my glowing letter of recommendation, I'm not going to feel betrayed as I would if my best friend said something cruel about me. If my (future and as yet hypothetical) daughter doesn't get what she wants in life whether college, sorority, or whatever, that's disappointing but not actual heartbreak.

It's a sorority. It's dear to our hearts, but it is NOT the loss of a child or loved one, it is not the betrayal of a spouse or family member, it is none of these truly tragic things to be dropped from a chapter. And as the adults, we're supposed to have the perspective on that. It's natural for an 18 year old to get swept up in the whole thing and feel like her life is over by being dropped. But as adults, we're supposed to know better. We're supposed to know that the first infatuation isn't really love, even if we know that she won't listen to us.

Even if, as a mother, it's easy to get caught up in it too, it's her job, as the one with the fully developed frontal lobe to reason and not to get swept up in the daughter's emotions, no matter how much she empathizes and sympathizes.

This is true, but I think in a lot of situations the heartache really is caused by the mothers. Think about it...who raised the legacy believing that one day she'd be an XYZ? Who told her that she was a shoe-in for a bid? Who told her that she would be over the moon if they could be sisters? Who may have told the legacy that she'd be heartbroken if the legacy didn't pledge XYZ?

When the legacy gets cut, all mom can think is that SHE is responsible in some way for Little legacy's heartache. And she is right. The chapter doesn't have a responsibility to pledge Little Legacy, but mom promised her the bid and pushed her to want to be XYZ. In the end, all the guilt makes for a pretty angry mama.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

This is true, but I think in a lot of situations the heartache really is caused by the mothers. Think about it...who raised the legacy believing that one day she'd be an XYZ? Who told her that she was a shoe-in for a bid? Who told her that she would be over the moon if they could be sisters? Who may have told the legacy that she'd be heartbroken if the legacy didn't pledge XYZ?

When the legacy gets cut, all mom can think is that SHE is responsible in some way for Little legacy's heartache. And she is right. The chapter doesn't have a responsibility to pledge Little Legacy, but mom promised her the bid and pushed her to want to be XYZ. In the end, all the guilt makes for a pretty angry mama.

Certainly possible (although I'm including plenty of PNMs who weren't raised like that in my conceptualization) but again, no matter how much we understand that anger you don't condone someone having a bad day at work coming home and kicking the dog. And we shouldn't be supporting the idea that it's betrayal. They have their right to feel what they feel but at some point the thought process has to kick back in and they have to be the ones with the perspective. Particularly when their next step is posting about it on facebook, calling and yelling at active members, etc. someone needs to give them a wake up call. The sorority didn't betray them or their daughters.