Life's short, get a divorce

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I looked for research statistics on this but they differ greatly. I can say that the vast majority of people I know who are divorced got divorced because of one of the three reasons you mentioned and that none of them went into the marriage or the divorce lightly. Of course that's not a scientific sample.

Divorce is a traumatizing and difficult experience for everybody involved. To counter the question "Why get divorced for anything else?".. wellllll, do you want to spend every day for the rest of your life living with someone you don't speak to and don't like because they either changed drastically after getting married or weren't honest with you about who they really were before you married? Would you want to forego having children because your spouse decided after you got married that he/she didn't want children? Would you be able to stay married to someone who had a drastic change in their religious beliefs after marriage? Do you know what it's like to never be able to relax in your own home because you and your spouse can't be in the same room together without arguing? Or to sleep on a couch for 6 years because your spouse angers you so much that you can't sleep in the same bed with them? Or, to suggest marriage counseling and have your spouse refuse because "it's your problem you're not happy in this marriage?" It's not easy to categorize every reason into something acceptable. As for second marriages, I think that most of the time, people think they have learned something from the first time around and won't make the same mistakes again. Sometimes they're wrong, sometimes they make different mistakes. Lastly, when our society began the institution of marriage, life expectancy was much shorter, so people didn't have to be married nearly as long!

AGDee, you make some very valid points, but I wouldn't marry a guy that I didn't think would be a great husband for me. Of course, I would make sure he and I shared the same family values. I've never been married, but I'm sure it can be hard. Through all the trials and tribulations that come with marriage, there are some positive things also, and I think a couple really should work through the negative things by focusing on the positive. Marriage is a blessing from God and anything from God is always good. That means marriage is good, it's the people in the marriage that make it bad. If a couple doesn't want to work it out and then divorce, then why even get married again to someone else. What's the point? Of course I don't think anyone should be miserable in a marriage, but it's never going to get better if both are not willing to work at it. It takes two. If one is willing and the other one isn't, of course it's not going to work. I just really think our generation is very selfish and are not willing to sacrifice. Marriage is a sacrifice. The Bible says for men to love your wives like Jesus loved the Church and gave himself for it. That's sacrifice. So through the trials and tribulations, I'm just a believer that if a couple is willing to work together and sacrifice for one another, it can work, even through the bad times.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

AGDee, you make some very valid points, but I wouldn't marry a guy that I didn't think would be a great husband for me. Of course, I would make sure he and I shared the same family values. I've never been married, but I'm sure it can be hard. Through all the trials and tribulations that come with marriage, there are some positive things also, and I think a couple really should work through the negative things by focusing on the positive. Marriage is a blessing from God and anything from God is always good. That means marriage is good, it's the people in the marriage that make it bad. If a couple doesn't want to work it out and then divorce, then why even get married again to someone else. What's the point? Of course I don't think anyone should be miserable in a marriage, but it's never going to get better if both are not willing to work at it. It takes two. If one is willing and the other one isn't, of course it's not going to work. I just really think our generation is very selfish and are not willing to sacrifice. Marriage is a sacrifice. The Bible says for men to love your wives like Jesus loved the Church and gave himself for it. That's sacrifice. So through the trials and tribulations, I'm just a believer that if a couple is willing to work together and sacrifice for one another, it can work, even through the bad times.

Just because the Bible says people should do something doesn't mean they do. See thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not bear false witness...

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

Just because the Bible says people should do something doesn't mean they do. See thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not bear false witness...

And there's a consequence when you kill, steal and bear false witness. Just like the marriage won't work if Christ isn't in that marriage.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

And there's a consequence when you kill, steal and bear false witness. Just like the marriage won't work if Christ isn't in that marriage.

That's a stupid, ignorant thing to say. There's a lot of atheists who are married with working marriages. Lower divorce rates than a lot of religious people too.

Are you the CG from Minnesota? I think you are. Lots of people here get divorced because the wife isn't the sexy Targetron she was at 23. Don't worry, though, they still go to church with their new mistress.

[James]

Whats a Targetron?

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

That's a stupid, ignorant thing to say. There's a lot of atheists who are married with working marriages. Lower divorce rates than a lot of religious people too.

Are you the CG from Minnesota? I think you are. Lots of people here get divorced because the wife isn't the sexy Targetron she was at 23. Don't worry, though, they still go to church with their new mistress.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by James

Whats a Targetron?

The Target HQ is in downtown Minneapolis and there are a lot of young and beautiful women working there - think the adult equivalent of your Barbie-doll chapters thread.

[James]

Oh lol. thanks.

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

The Target HQ is in downtown Minneapolis and there are a lot of young and beautiful women working there - think the adult equivalent of your Barbie-doll chapters thread.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

That's a stupid, ignorant thing to say. There's a lot of atheists who are married with working marriages. Lower divorce rates than a lot of religious people too.

Are you the CG from Minnesota? I think you are. Lots of people here get divorced because the wife isn't the sexy Targetron she was at 23. Don't worry, though, they still go to church with their new mistress.

o.k. o.k. calm down.

I don't disagree with everything you've just posted. The divorce rate is higher among Christians. Why? I don't know, but we'll have to agree to disagree, because I still think a couple should work through the tribulations, and through Christ it can be done. I can't speak for the Christians who get a divorce, but I know a lot that stay married.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

o.k. o.k. calm down.

I don't disagree with everything you've just posted. The divorce rate is higher among Christians. Why? I don't know, but we'll have to agree to disagree, because I still think a couple should work through the tribulations, and through Christ it can be done. I can't speak for the Christians who get a divorce, but I know a lot that stay married.

Divorce rate is higher among evangelical Protestants. Catholics and Lutherans (who are still Christian!) have the lowest divorce rates of everyone. Don't throw all your Christians in one basket.

I really think this problem could be fixed if people would stop getting married just to have sex or because the girl is knocked up, but that would probably require some pastors to acknowledge that people still do it even after signing that True Love Waits card.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

Divorce rate is higher among evangelical Protestants. Catholics and Lutherans (who are still Christian!) have the lowest divorce rates of everyone. Don't throw all your Christians in one basket.

I really think this problem could be fixed if people would stop getting married just to have sex or because the girl is knocked up, but that would probably require some pastors to acknowledge that people still do it even after signing that True Love Waits card.

lol at the girl being knocked up.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

The divorce rate is higher among Christians. Why? I don't know, but we'll have to agree to disagree, because I still think a couple should work through the tribulations, and through Christ it can be done. I can't speak for the Christians who get a divorce, but I know a lot that stay married.

So I have seen both a Buddhist Vietnamese wedding and both Muslim and Hindu weddings have been described to me. So, if one is not a Christian, how do they allow Christ to assist a couple in their marriages?

Rarely do I see Muslims getting divorced. Rarely.

For that matter, rarely do I see Hindus getting divorced...

I'm sure it happens, but I don't know anyone who has gotten divorced.

In generally, American society gets divorced. It doesn't matter what God they believe. Hayle, they can worship the Devil, they still get divorced...

Marriages are NOT fairy tales. They are serious. I don't think this seriousness is relayed.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

So I have seen both a Buddhist Vietnamese wedding and both Muslim and Hindu weddings have been described to me. So, if one is not a Christian, how do they allow Christ to assist a couple in their marriages?

Rarely do I see Muslims getting divorced. Rarely.

For that matter, rarely do I see Hindus getting divorced...

I'm sure it happens, but I don't know anyone who has gotten divorced.

In generally, American society gets divorced. It doesn't matter what God they believe. Hayle, they can worship the Devil, they still get divorced...

Marriages are NOT fairy tales. They are serious. I don't think this seriousness is relayed.

Sorry. I had to log off for a second. I was cooking something and I forgot it was in the oven. It's burned. Oh well.

Back on topic.

The divorce rate in higher in the United States than any other country. I think other beliefs and cultures just believe in working things out. Americans don't.

[susan314]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Marriages are NOT fairy tales. They are serious. I don't think this seriousness is relayed.

You hit the nail on the head here!

I do think that it can be a good thing that some of the societal stigma of divorce is gone. (For example, 50 years ago, a person may have stayed with a chronically unfaithful or abusive partner just to avoid the stigma of divorce. The stigma being gone gives that person more options.)

That said, I think that we (as a society) have went a little too far to the opposite extreme. There are people who think that "good" marriages don't have rocky patches, that "good" couples never fight or disagree, etc. So, some of those people give up at the first sign of a problem. When the "giving up" occurs, they might not necessarily run to the divorce lawyer, but they may start withdrawing emotionally from the marriage...once one partner starts to "give up" mentally, its hard to reverse that deterioration.

All couples disagree occasionally. All marriages occasionally go through rough patches. While a person shouldn't be subject to chronic and vicious arguing, its certainly not realistic to think that a person will never argue with their spouse either. I always chuckle when a relative newlywed expresses concern because they "just had their first fight" - honey, it was bound to happen eventually. Arguing isn't the problem - its how the couple argues that is a problem. (Does it get violent? Do they hold grudges? Do they fight fair? etc.)

(Note - it should go without saying, but I'll say it anyhow: I'm certainly not saying that all divorces come about any one particular way - each has its own set of circumstances. But we've all witnessed/experienced those relationships that die a slow death...or even come to a sudden end...because one or both parties gave up once the honeymoon period was over and a little trouble came along.)

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

AGDee, you make some very valid points, but I wouldn't marry a guy that I didn't think would be a great husband for me. Of course, I would make sure he and I shared the same family values. I've never been married, but I'm sure it can be hard. Through all the trials and tribulations that come with marriage, there are some positive things also, and I think a couple really should work through the negative things by focusing on the positive. Marriage is a blessing from God and anything from God is always good. That means marriage is good, it's the people in the marriage that make it bad. If a couple doesn't want to work it out and then divorce, then why even get married again to someone else. What's the point? Of course I don't think anyone should be miserable in a marriage, but it's never going to get better if both are not willing to work at it. It takes two. If one is willing and the other one isn't, of course it's not going to work. I just really think our generation is very selfish and are not willing to sacrifice. Marriage is a sacrifice. The Bible says for men to love your wives like Jesus loved the Church and gave himself for it. That's sacrifice. So through the trials and tribulations, I'm just a believer that if a couple is willing to work together and sacrifice for one another, it can work, even through the bad times.

Sweetheart, ADGee has been through a lot and has a different life experience from you.

Do not say what you won't do when you have not been married. You never know until it is actually done... And believe me, the comment on the picture is VERY EASY to do. But the longterm repercussions are costly. However, when caught in a bad marriage and no fault of your own like several GC'ers, then you have to find strength to carry on.

If you do believe in God and are a Christian, the you have to KNOW Phillipians 11:17. God will give you what you can bare for several reasons.

You can enjoy the good times, but you must endure the bad times if you are to survive...

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Sweetheart, ADGee has been through a lot and has a different life experience from you.

Do not say what you won't do when you have not been married. You never know until it is actually done... And believe me, the comment on the picture is VERY EASY to do. But the longterm repercussions are costly. However, when caught in a bad marriage and no fault of your own like several GC'ers, then you have to find strength to carry on.

If you do believe in God and are a Christian, the you have to KNOW Phillipians 11:17. God will give you what you can bare for several reasons.

You can enjoy the good times, but you must endure the bad times if you are to survive...

I know. It's hard for me to speak on it when I haven't done it, but a lot of people who have been married for 30, 40 and 50 years don't have a recipe for a successful marriage. They sacrifce and work it out.