Is sex really that big of a deal?

[christiangirl]

Hold it. By "passing around" I don't mean having a huge orgy-fest! I mean at church we are all friends. So....how can I put this....it's the same concept as dating in a small town or a small school....with such few people, it is entirely possible that the guy/girl you're dating has in the past dated one of your friends and will date another one of them in the future--and by dated, I don't mean "messed with" I mean "went out with." The whole "Don't date your friend's ex rule" really can't apply. Not being nasty, it's just a ratio thing. So that's why I shot down finding a guy at church--we've known each other for so long, I'd seen all there was to see there by the time high school was over.

No one is more superior to anyone, you'll never hear me say that. All we said is that you can be physical without having sex. I don't think you guys realize that virgins have our own language. Most people see "friends with benefits" being synonymous with (excuse my slang) "f--k buddy." In virginese, the "benefits" in question can include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, making out, etc. OR even just being emotionally tied--literally, things you wouldn't do with just a friend. The creativity is finding ways to be physically and emotionally close without sex being involved--and by being creative we mean the virginese creative not the do every nasty, freaky thing on the planet but claim we never actually had intercourse creative.

[Diamond Darlin’]

I think shes right, I think you have to have lived it to fully understand it.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by Diamond Darlin’

I think shes right, I think you have to have lived it to fully understand it.

They have lived it....they're just speaking a different language now.

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Most people see "friends with benefits" being synonymous with (excuse my slang) "f--k buddy." In virginese, the "benefits" in question can include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, making out, etc. OR even just being emotionally tied--literally, things you wouldn't do with just a friend. The creativity is finding ways to be physically and emotionally close without sex being involved--and by being creative we mean the virginese creative not the do every nasty, freaky thing on the planet but claim we never actually had intercourse creative.

See, I get what you're saying (sort of) about doing things that you wouldn't do with "just" a friend. But you're missing the point of "friends with benefits" -- why would friends with benefits want to find ways to be emotionally close without sex? The whole point of friends with benefits is to have sex without being emotionally close -- you have fun and do your thing without any emotional attachment or involvement. It's not even about being physically close to someone -- it's about, well, getting off and then going away. "Closeness" isn't the point. Holding hands, cuddling, and being "emotionally tied" are things you do with your boyfriend -- that's much more "relationshipy" than friends with benefits.

I have a hard time imagining a guy who would consider your version an actual "benefit," unless he's really, really into you or a huge pussy who can't get any anywhere else and is hoping it will happen someday. I mean, can you imagine a guy going home after a night of holding hands and cuddling and being all, YEAH that was awesome I totally scored!!? I'd call him your "pre boyfriend" or "pal" but not a friend with benefits.

I really, seriously intend no disrespect at all -- I just don't get it.

[epchick]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

No one is more superior to anyone, you'll never hear me say that. All we said is that you can be physical without having sex. I don't think you guys realize that virgins have our own language. Most people see "friends with benefits" being synonymous with (excuse my slang) "f--k buddy." In virginese, the "benefits" in question can include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, making out, etc. OR even just being emotionally tied--literally, things you wouldn't do with just a friend. The creativity is finding ways to be physically and emotionally close without sex being involved--and by being creative we mean the virginese creative not the do every nasty, freaky thing on the planet but claim we never actually had intercourse creative.

Um...no. If you want to believe that kissing, making out, etc is being a "friend with benefits" well then go right ahead with your screwed up view. The term is around to define people who are "friends" (not in a relationship) who do things people in relationships due---have sex, have oral sex, etc.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

The whole point of friends with benefits is to have sex without being emotionally close.

No disrespect taken! This is your FWB definition. It's not mine. I don't really wanna use this example, but it may help you get what I mean: My cousin overheard a convo I was having with my sister and told his mom that I was talking about having an "affair" with someone (his word, not mine). She of course hit the roof! She said, "And what do you think an affair is?" And he said, "You know...a romance." Technically, he's right: an affair is "an intense, amorous relationship" which is the definition that he knows. It does NOT literally mean having sex with someone who is taken, but that's what 99% of people mean when they say it. So he's really not wrong--just different from the majority because it's not even in his realm to think about it another way. Because sex is a non issue, my FWB cannot possibly be the same as yours--in other words, I'm not missing the point, I just have a different point than most people....did that help or did it just make you wanna throw a cyber-dictionary at me?

Originally Posted by epchick

Um...no. If you want to believe that kissing, making out, etc is being a "friend with benefits" well then go right ahead with your screwed up view. The term is around to define people who are "friends" (not in a relationship) who do things people in relationships due---have sex, have oral sex, etc.

Not everyone in relationships have sex--thus the point of this thread. My view being different from yours does not make it screwed up. It makes it different from yours.

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Because sex is a non issue, my FWB cannot possibly be the same as yours--in other words, I'm not missing the point, I just have a different point than most people....did that help or did it just make you wanna throw a cyber-dictionary at me?

I totally understand that, and of course you're free to have whatever definition of FWB you want to have. However, it does make communication difficult when you refer to a generally understood concept but mean something completely different from what most people mean. If you say "FWB" and how you have to "be creative" to nonvirgins, many of them, like I did, are going to think this means you're hittin' up every orifice but the one. As long as you're only talking to other virgins or fully explain yourself every time, you'll be fine.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by epchick

Um...no. If you want to believe that kissing, making out, etc is being a "friend with benefits" well then go right ahead with your screwed up view. The term is around to define people who are "friends" (not in a relationship) who do things people in relationships due---have sex, have oral sex, etc.

Why is her view screwed up? That's her opinion. Because your view is different from hers doesn't make her view screwed up.

Oops! LOL. I just saw where she already posted the same thing. :-)