What's the deal??

UlChiOCutie26 · #1 05-16-2005, 09:41 AM

Ok, I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years now. There has been a discussion between us lately about taking the next step. He keeps telling me that "as soon as _____, as soon as_____" It's starting to drive me nuts!

What's the deal? I am thinking that he is afraid to take the next step (marriage, of course) into our relationship. I am in no hurry, but I atleast need to know if he has been thinking about it as much as I have. I have tried to talk to him about it more, but he seems to change the subject on me. I really do love him and want this to work!

Also, I just got a new job and he seems to be very jealous. Around my family he is always saying, " I am so happy for her and her new job." But when we talk about it, he is like, "it's an awful lot of travel and being away from home; it's not fair that you are going to make more money than me."

What gives?? Anyone been in this situation before??

BobbyTheDon · #2 05-16-2005, 01:16 PM

oh man. you are one of those chicks who put pressure on her man to get married? And you are only 23/24? Shiet...I feel sorry for your boyfriend. If I were him I'd get rid of you right now, or cheat on you.

While you are at it, just cheat on him while you are in Tampa. Just don't get shot in St. P. I hear Seminole is where the gangstas roam too. So watch out.

Quit pressuring him woman. Enjoy your youth and money.

WCUgirl · #3 05-16-2005, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BobbyTheDon
Just don't get shot in St. P. I hear Seminole is where the gangstas roam too. So watch out.

As long as you don't talk to anyone named Bobby the Don, you should be fine.

UlChiOCutie26 · #4 05-16-2005, 02:12 PM

Bobby,

I am not pressuring him. It's manly been his relatives and our friends that have been asking him when he is going to "pop the question"

Anyways, Thanks for the tip....errr...I think??

AchtungBaby80 · #5 05-16-2005, 02:32 PM

Honestly...if he's waffling like that, you have two choices--you can either stick around and wait for him to get "ready," or you can move on. If it's been a while and he still isn't sure about you, I'd go for the second option.

AOII_LB93 · #6 05-16-2005, 08:12 PM

I hate to sound trite and cliche, but when it happens it happens. I was thinking I was ready for 3 years, but I really wasn't. As a matter of fact, we stopped dating for a while and had some time to both really reflect on what we wanted...ok, so we didnt' stop seeing each other, but we were not a couple and we didn't live together, we really didn't see each other much,but I digress. We finally decided to give it a "real" go after some time...and pow, within 4 months we're engaged.

I thought I was ready, but I wasn't, now I know he's who I truly want to be with.

Maybe your guy just isn't ready, and his family pressuring him isn't going to help. Besides, you're young, what's the rush? If he's the guy for you, you've got the rest of your lives together anyhow.

KillarneyRose · #7 05-20-2005, 06:39 PM

Ok, I don't normally go around quoting Woody Allen, mainly because he gives me the willies. But if there was ever a time for me to whip out the Woody (oops), it's now...

"A relationship, I think, is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we've got on our hands.is a dead shark."

Sweetie, take it from one of the GreekChat elders. If it were going to happen, it would have happened by now. You seem to have a great life with your career starting up and all, so just enjoy that.

blueangel · #8 05-24-2005, 11:55 AM

A few comments:

1. The two year rule: If a ring isn't on your finger after two years of dating, you need to move on and say, NEXT!

2. Any man who is upset that his girlfriend/wife is making more money than him is insecure. Move on and say, NEXT!

3. Sounds old fashioned-- but it's good advice. Never move in with a man without being married. Statistics have found that couples who live together have less chance of ever getting married, and those who do, fail to stay married at a greater proportion than those who have never lived together before marriage.

mu_agd · #9 05-24-2005, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by blueangel
A few comments:

1. The two year rule: If a ring isn't on your finger after two years of dating, you need to move on and say, NEXT!

How is that good advice? I know plenty of people that have dated for a lot longer than two years before getting engaged. Actually, it's been like that for most people I know.

valkyrie · #10 05-24-2005, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by blueangel
A few comments:

1. The two year rule: If a ring isn't on your finger after two years of dating, you need to move on and say, NEXT!

2. Any man who is upset that his girlfriend/wife is making more money than him is insecure. Move on and say, NEXT!

3. Sounds old fashioned-- but it's good advice. Never move in with a man without being married. Statistics have found that couples who live together have less chance of ever getting married, and those who do, fail to stay married at a greater proportion than those who have never lived together before marriage.

I'll agree with number two. But that's it.

Seriously, not everybody is all crazy about getting married. Really, it's true, although you wouldn't know it from reading GC. Two years? What if you started dating at 19? You'd have to be smoking crack to think getting engaged or married at 21 is a good idea for 95% of the people in this country. Seriously. Just as all people are different, all relationships are different and what works for someone won't necessarily work for someone else. If you want to be engaged after two years good for you, but I don't put a time restriction on my relationships.

As to number three, again, who cares? I don't care if I'm living with someone and we don't get married. Being married is not the holy grail of life for everyone. Really, it isn't.

KSigkid · #11 05-24-2005, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by blueangel
A few comments:

1. The two year rule: If a ring isn't on your finger after two years of dating, you need to move on and say, NEXT!

3. Sounds old fashioned-- but it's good advice. Never move in with a man without being married. Statistics have found that couples who live together have less chance of ever getting married, and those who do, fail to stay married at a greater proportion than those who have never lived together before marriage.

My fiancee and I were dating for over two years and had lived together for a year before I proposed. I guess our marriage is doomed.

ETA: For us, living together first has worked out great, I would honestly recommend it to anyone. It's a good way to see someone's quirks on a day-to-day basis before you marry him/her. It may not be the "old-fashioned" way to do things, but it's certainly worked out well for us.

33girl · #12 05-24-2005, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by blueangel
A few comments:

1. The two year rule: If a ring isn't on your finger after two years of dating, you need to move on and say, NEXT!

Worst. Advice. Ever. Really. I guess that's if the How To Make Him Propose in Three Dates advice doesn't work.

I would not live with a man before I was married, but that's just my personal preference, and it certainly has worked fine for a lot of people.

And Tracy, yes, Woody is squicky, but there are times when he says things and has dialogue that just hits the nail on the head. (I guess I shouldn't say Woody and nail in the same sentence.)

UlChiOCutie26 · #13 05-24-2005, 12:32 PM

Well, since my boyfriend and I started dating when we were 19, that probably wouldn't have worked if we got married at 21.

I would never live with my boyfriend before marriage either, I think it ruins everything....I have only see relationships fall apart this way (only speaking from a family persepective).

Thank you for the advice everyone. I am in the process of taking it all in and doing some serious thinking about my future.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #14 05-24-2005, 02:00 PM

I think that studies about couples co-habitating before marriage also don't draw a distinction between the couples who are 19 and like, Oooh! Less rent! More sex! Let's move in! And the 24 year old couple who sits down and figures out, OK, are we going to split everything down the middle, or proportionately according to income? Whose stuff goes where? etc.

Because I think really your approach to living together should be the same as your approach to marriage -- figure the important stuff out BEFORE you've done something that either can't be undone or is very messy to undo. If you haven't done that, your relationship is going to take the strain, regardless of if you're married or cohabitating.

valkyrie · #15 05-24-2005, 02:26 PM

Also, there's the correlation does not imply causation issue. It could be that couples who are more likely to live together before marriage are less traditional or less religious and less likely to stay in unhappy marriages under any circumstances -- not that the fact that they lived together causes them to get divorced later.