Is sex really that big of a deal?

[Diamond Darlin’]

No we do more then talk, and we've done more then make out, but i'm also not into publishing everything we've done online so thats all the farther i'll go with it. It is possible to have a physical relationship without having sex. There are things other then sex. It just makes you more creative.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by Diamond Darlin’

No we do more then talk, and we've done more then make out, but i'm also not into publishing everything we've done online so thats all the farther i'll go with it. It is possible to have a physical relationship without having sex. There are things other then sex. It just makes you more creative.

Hehe, girl they don't understand. We can have friends with benefits, too...they've just forgotten how to get creative with it. But yes, there are more of us, we're just a rare commodity.

I've tried to meet guys at church, the only problem is that I go to a small church, we've tended to pass around guys since there aren't many options. Once I move, that'll open up some doors, but it's just so discouraging that a choice that I've made is limiting my life. I have no intention of changing it, but outside of an arranged marriage, I'm losing hope over here. I know that I have my whole life ahead of me and guys my age are generally half-baked anyway, but come on. I never really believed I'd marry a guy who waited too, but at this point, the only guys who honestly respected my decision have been WAY older than me and I wasn't comfortable being with them anyway...(what 27 year old wants to get with an 18 year old? Yeah, he didn't want anything except my company...of course he didn't....)

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

I've tried to meet guys at church, the only problem is that I go to a small church, we've tended to pass around guys since there aren't many options.

Is it just me, or does anyone else find something really wrong with this?

[tld221]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Is it just me, or does anyone else find something really wrong with this?

well yeah... but passing around men isnt as unusual as you think. esp. if ol christiangirl's town is small enough that the straightmale/straightfemale ratio is out of whack. does this make it right? nope.

i guess if sharing men because there arent enough to go around is wrong, then the women at CG's church doesnt wanna be right.


but that does lead me to ask: how is CG passing around guys if a. she's a virgin, and b. supposed to be all christian-like?

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by tld221

but that does lead me to ask: how is CG passing around guys if a. she's a virgin, and b. supposed to be all christian-like?

For reals.

I also don't understand the point of all the "friends with benefits" and "creative" things the virgins here are doing. I really don't want to know what this creativity involves, but if y'all are doing what I think you're doing, how is that morally superior (or more Christian-like or whatever you'd call it) than having actual sex?

[christiangirl]

Hold it. By "passing around" I don't mean having a huge orgy-fest! I mean at church we are all friends. So....how can I put this....it's the same concept as dating in a small town or a small school....with such few people, it is entirely possible that the guy/girl you're dating has in the past dated one of your friends and will date another one of them in the future--and by dated, I don't mean "messed with" I mean "went out with." The whole "Don't date your friend's ex rule" really can't apply. Not being nasty, it's just a ratio thing. So that's why I shot down finding a guy at church--we've known each other for so long, I'd seen all there was to see there by the time high school was over.

No one is more superior to anyone, you'll never hear me say that. All we said is that you can be physical without having sex. I don't think you guys realize that virgins have our own language. Most people see "friends with benefits" being synonymous with (excuse my slang) "f--k buddy." In virginese, the "benefits" in question can include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, making out, etc. OR even just being emotionally tied--literally, things you wouldn't do with just a friend. The creativity is finding ways to be physically and emotionally close without sex being involved--and by being creative we mean the virginese creative not the do every nasty, freaky thing on the planet but claim we never actually had intercourse creative.

[Diamond Darlin’]

I think shes right, I think you have to have lived it to fully understand it.

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Most people see "friends with benefits" being synonymous with (excuse my slang) "f--k buddy." In virginese, the "benefits" in question can include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, making out, etc. OR even just being emotionally tied--literally, things you wouldn't do with just a friend. The creativity is finding ways to be physically and emotionally close without sex being involved--and by being creative we mean the virginese creative not the do every nasty, freaky thing on the planet but claim we never actually had intercourse creative.

See, I get what you're saying (sort of) about doing things that you wouldn't do with "just" a friend. But you're missing the point of "friends with benefits" -- why would friends with benefits want to find ways to be emotionally close without sex? The whole point of friends with benefits is to have sex without being emotionally close -- you have fun and do your thing without any emotional attachment or involvement. It's not even about being physically close to someone -- it's about, well, getting off and then going away. "Closeness" isn't the point. Holding hands, cuddling, and being "emotionally tied" are things you do with your boyfriend -- that's much more "relationshipy" than friends with benefits.

I have a hard time imagining a guy who would consider your version an actual "benefit," unless he's really, really into you or a huge pussy who can't get any anywhere else and is hoping it will happen someday. I mean, can you imagine a guy going home after a night of holding hands and cuddling and being all, YEAH that was awesome I totally scored!!? I'd call him your "pre boyfriend" or "pal" but not a friend with benefits.

I really, seriously intend no disrespect at all -- I just don't get it.

[epchick]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

No one is more superior to anyone, you'll never hear me say that. All we said is that you can be physical without having sex. I don't think you guys realize that virgins have our own language. Most people see "friends with benefits" being synonymous with (excuse my slang) "f--k buddy." In virginese, the "benefits" in question can include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, making out, etc. OR even just being emotionally tied--literally, things you wouldn't do with just a friend. The creativity is finding ways to be physically and emotionally close without sex being involved--and by being creative we mean the virginese creative not the do every nasty, freaky thing on the planet but claim we never actually had intercourse creative.

Um...no. If you want to believe that kissing, making out, etc is being a "friend with benefits" well then go right ahead with your screwed up view. The term is around to define people who are "friends" (not in a relationship) who do things people in relationships due---have sex, have oral sex, etc.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Hehe, girl they don't understand. We can have friends with benefits, too...they've just forgotten how to get creative with it. But yes, there are more of us, we're just a rare commodity.

I've tried to meet guys at church, the only problem is that I go to a small church, we've tended to pass around guys since there aren't many options. Once I move, that'll open up some doors, but it's just so discouraging that a choice that I've made is limiting my life. I have no intention of changing it, but outside of an arranged marriage, I'm losing hope over here. I know that I have my whole life ahead of me and guys my age are generally half-baked anyway, but come on. I never really believed I'd marry a guy who waited too, but at this point, the only guys who honestly respected my decision have been WAY older than me and I wasn't comfortable being with them anyway...(what 27 year old wants to get with an 18 year old? Yeah, he didn't want anything except my company...of course he didn't....)

There is no such thing as "friends with benefits". Friends don't get passes like that. If anything, they are really player cards.

Here is the deal and this is from a Public Health and CDC Perspective.

You need to protect yourself with condom(s) and birth control if you are sleeping with a man for the first time even if it is your husband.

Or you had better have a sense of smell stronger than a female dog...

The fact is when the boys figure out you ain't gonna put out, they go to others to fulfull their sexual appetite.

Keeping your virginity intact is cool and all. But you also need to have a fine idea of what it looks like when a man sleeps around.

It use to hurt to see that happen, but now it can kill you...

This is not even close to a joke.

No since of imagining your first night when it could be your last...

And the same goes for women who sleep around without protection.

Also, for women we sacrifice our empowered spirit and potential (E.S.P.) when we permit the assault and vandalism of our vaginas.

There are reasons for me saying this.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Also, for women we sacrifice our empowered spirit and potential (E.S.P.) when we permit the assault and vandalism of our vaginas.

we gonna have to call you Reverend AKA_Monet!