What would raise a yellow, or red flag on a 1st date for you?

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I forgot to mention tatoos and body pearcings are both red flags for me too. Everytime she tries to call she'll get the v-mail and no return call. And then I'll press the delete botton.

LOL, if you're a grown man and not a child, it's generally a good idea to, you know, grow a pair and tell a woman you're not interested instead of avoiding her.

[jubilance1922]

Hmmm...I'm really surprised by some of the comments in this thread, especially the ones about family. I guess if that's working for some folks, then keep doing what you're doing. But it seems extremely judgemental to me to deem a person unacceptable because of the actions of their family. I know someone who didn't come from the greatest home life, she had a crack addicted mother, a brother in a gang, and a sister who was a teenage mother. Yet this woman did not fall victim to any of that, in fact, she finished school, got married, and raised 4 beautiful, well adjusted, law-abiding kids. And she did it all without having to cut off her relationships with her family...and her family wound up getting it together because she was such a good influence.

But then again, you don't get to choose your family, and you certain cant change the behavior of another adult.

As for me, the biggest red flag is judgement. I cannot stand a person who feels that they are better than other people, or that the way they choose to live their life is best for everyone. I live my life the way is best for me, and if you don't like it, you are free to move on to someone who is more "moldable".

[southernelle25]

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

Hmmm...I'm really surprised by some of the comments in this thread, especially the ones about family. I guess if that's working for some folks, then keep doing what you're doing. But it seems extremely judgemental to me to deem a person unacceptable because of the actions of their family. I know someone who didn't come from the greatest home life, she had a crack addicted mother, a brother in a gang, and a sister who was a teenage mother. Yet this woman did not fall victim to any of that, in fact, she finished school, got married, and raised 4 beautiful, well adjusted, law-abiding kids. And she did it all without having to cut off her relationships with her family...and her family wound up getting it together because she was such a good influence.

But then again, you don't get to choose your family, and you certain cant change the behavior of another adult.

Dionysus and Munchkin03 mentioned the family drama and control issues that can impact/destroy the relationship. I co-sign those and add that my main issue is with the potential problems my (future) children would have, should I decide to marry the guy. While I may not be marrying his family, I would be bringing a child into it; I want to feel comfortable about doing that. I want my children to be proud of both sides of their family. At a minimum, I want to protect them from having to descend from a family with a history of abuse, addictions, diseases, etc. Moreover, if something should happen to me or my family, I want to know that my children will be raised with a family whose values and traditions I respect.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

Hmmm...I'm really surprised by some of the comments in this thread, especially the ones about family. I guess if that's working for some folks, then keep doing what you're doing. But it seems extremely judgemental to me to deem a person unacceptable because of the actions of their family. I know someone who didn't come from the greatest home life, she had a crack addicted mother, a brother in a gang, and a sister who was a teenage mother. Yet this woman did not fall victim to any of that, in fact, she finished school, got married, and raised 4 beautiful, well adjusted, law-abiding kids. And she did it all without having to cut off her relationships with her family...and her family wound up getting it together because she was such a good influence.

But then again, you don't get to choose your family, and you certain cant change the behavior of another adult.

As for me, the biggest red flag is judgement. I cannot stand a person who feels that they are better than other people, or that the way they choose to live their life is best for everyone. I live my life the way is best for me, and if you don't like it, you are free to move on to someone who is more "moldable".

Jubilance, I totally agree with you in every sense.

Suffice it to say, however, that it's not just GCers that would cut a date/SO loose based on their family background. For a lot of people, the date would have to be VERY special in order to make the family dramarama worth it. I can see it from both sides, I guess, but I agree that it's horribly judgmental to rule out a person before getting to know them just because of what their family is like.

[mulattogyrl]

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

Hmmm...I'm really surprised by some of the comments in this thread, especially the ones about family. I guess if that's working for some folks, then keep doing what you're doing. But it seems extremely judgemental to me to deem a person unacceptable because of the actions of their family. I know someone who didn't come from the greatest home life, she had a crack addicted mother, a brother in a gang, and a sister who was a teenage mother. Yet this woman did not fall victim to any of that, in fact, she finished school, got married, and raised 4 beautiful, well adjusted, law-abiding kids. And she did it all without having to cut off her relationships with her family...and her family wound up getting it together because she was such a good influence.

But then again, you don't get to choose your family, and you certain cant change the behavior of another adult.

As for me, the biggest red flag is judgement. I cannot stand a person who feels that they are better than other people, or that the way they choose to live their life is best for everyone. I live my life the way is best for me, and if you don't like it, you are free to move on to someone who is more "moldable".

I agree with what you said here. And how could I forget that red flag (judgement)? That really gets under my skin.

[AlexMack]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

LOL, if you're a grown man and not a child, it's generally a good idea to, you know, grow a pair and tell a woman you're not interested instead of avoiding her.

I gotta agree. Tell her. Then when she starts stalking you, you can avoid her with the delete and ignore buttons.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by centaur532

I gotta agree. Tell her. Then when she starts stalking you, you can avoid her with the delete and ignore buttons.

I just saw this. I can't argue with either one of you. LOL. I guess I should have told her that I wasn't interested. I just didn't like to step on toes or hurt anyones feelings at the time. I remember my fraternity threw our annual Ball and a young lady in XYZ sorority asked me would I take her as my date. She told me that she had already been asked from other guys, but she wanted me to take her. I felt that if I said no, then she wouldn't have a date, so I said..."Uhh...o.k." She lived in her sorority's house, I had a car, so I picked her up, and she looked stunning. When I got there, she was the only one there. I said "Where is everyone?" She told me at the Ball. There was no way I could have told her no, especially knowing that all her girls had dates. She was very attractive, but she had a small tatoo of her sorority on her lower back. I could barely see it, but it was there. I never told her about that tatoo .
That was then though. I'm not like that now. If I have to step on toes then I will.

[amycat412]

lol he is`ex's best friend. yeah should stay away from that.

[RU OX Alum]

yeah ex's-friends are bad ideas

also.....no pets that is a yellow flag, not red, but I am allergic to them, well most of them.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

LOL, if you're a grown man and not a child, it's generally a good idea to, you know, grow a pair and tell a woman you're not interested instead of avoiding her.

[hijack]

I was wondering where you've been and when you were going to post?!? Hope you had a nice holiday.

[/hijack]

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

[hijack]

I was wondering where you've been and when you were going to post?!? Hope you had a nice holiday.

[/hijack]

Thanks, and I hope you had a nice T'giving, too. We were back in the Chi, so I was off the internets for a week.