My brothers wedding

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

And this is wise especially when the decision is neither unfounded nor unrealistic.

Eh. Doesn't get to the level of wise for me -- I'd classify it as common sense, not wisdom.

LOL @ that link

I absolutely love that show.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Eh. Doesn't get to the level of wise for me -- I'd classify it as common sense, not wisdom.

How could it be common sense when it isn't common? People tend not to solely exercise their personal preference. They tend to go with pressures of conformity. That is particularly the case with weddings. Such pressure in weddings is why couples tend not to have the wedding of their dreams because their families' opinions and preferences matter more.

So, based on what wise means, I consider a couple going with their own preferences to be wise considering that it is probably at no detriment to anyone else. And they have probably weighed the costs and benefits of it and understand the decision. Now if I disagreed with their decision, as you seem to, or IrishLake said they only made that decision to piss the family off my assessment of the wisdom of the decision may change if I believed it was rooted in ignorance and poor planning on their part.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

How could it be common sense when it isn't common?

In my experience, it's not uncommon. It is, as you said, neither unfounded nor unrealistic. Lord knows, there's plenty about weddings these days that stress "It's your day and it's all about you -- do it the way you want to."

I consider it common sense to say "this is how we'd like our wedding to be/this is who we'd like to invite to our wedding." If you let others tell you who you need to invite, you don't need wisdom. You need backbone.

And I will argue about it.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

In my experience, it's not uncommon.

I only know my own experience but my experience is based on having a family that doesn't believe in getting in the way. Therefore, we don't have to tell anyone to fuck off or ignore our preferences in favor of family requests.

I can't speak for the experiences of the couples whose weddings I have attended. People don't always tell the full story and we don't see behind the scenes. They may or may not have gone primarily with their own preferences. Even a lot of happy couples who are pleased with their wedding admit that they would have done a few things differently if they didn't have to consider the needs and desires of family members.

"It's your day and it's all about you -- do it the way you want to" EXCEPT for the incidentals that happen in life. Some couples aren't able to work through this. Some of it is about backbone, some of it is about family dynamics, and some of it is wondering how many battles are worth fighting. Only going with your preferences definitely isn't common enough to be common sense based on what common sense really means--it isn't just something that ideally makes sense.

You aren't arguing with anyone.

[AOII Angel]

I wouldn't buy that dress now if I were you. You are about to go through major body changes. Who knows whether you would be able to fit into that dress by June. Tell her no way. If she wants you to be in the wedding, you'll get your dress after your pregnancy and she'll like it! I hate being in weddings, but it's not about you, so looking terrible in a dress is part of the "fun" of it. You and your sister can make a day of looking fat in your dresses and make fun of the awful thing your SIL made you wear. Make sure you get it tailored well. There is nothing worse than a loose bridesmaid dress. You also might consider telling her that the dress won't flatter all the bridesmaids and remind her that you will have just given birth to your ___ (fill in the number) child. She may have forgotten.

[Splash]

Explain the situation to a competent consultant at David's Bridal before you relay any decision to your brother's future wife. She should be able to offer some input.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

You aren't arguing with anyone.

Well, you're just no fun today.