My brothers wedding

[DrPhil]

IrishLake, with all due admiration and respect, I know that you are going through some ups and downs regarding this. You are ranting and still thinking about what you are going to do. Once the dust settles, I just hope you haven't typed something that was perhaps best left untyped in this public forum.

Originally Posted by IrishLake

THEN, this is a big kick in the nuts for my family, they have decided to have an adult only reception (besides my 2 kids and my aunts kids, who will be distributing programs at the church).

Woohoo! They are wise and I wish more people did this. Families with a lot of kids have plenty of time to get childsitters. That detail should be of no concern to the bride, groom, and wedding planner. Make it happen, people.

All but 2 of the weddings I was a bridesmaid for or attended over the years were adult only. The 2 that were not did not have open bar or any alcohol at all; or they knew their family and friends had children who were old enough that they wouldn't get on everyone else's nerves. Yes, children in a certain age range get on my nerves and that includes the ones who I love dearly but can't wait until they go home. I would hate to be at a reception (and even a wedding) with them, not because they aren't well-raised and well-behaved but because they are still...children...and children can be unpredictable and taxing when adults want adult time. I don't want to hear crying, screaming, running around with parents chasing after them, parents who can't mingle with adults and have adult conversation because this has now become "kid time." Spare me.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Woohoo! They are wise and I wish more people did this.

I don't think wisdom has anything to do with this. They are (rightfully) exercising their personal preference. Personal preference and wisdom aren't the same thing.

I know we talked about this in another thread. I like seeing kids at wedding receptions, and they rarely bother me in the least. Shoot, I'd often rather sit with the kids than with the adults. But many others don't like have kids at weddings. The bride and groom should do things how they prefer to do things.

And because I'm guessing IrishLake could use a bit of humor, and because even though Dr. Phil will think this proves her point, I just love this clip, I offer these children at a wedding from the BritCom "Outnumbered."

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

They are (rightfully) exercising their personal preference.

And this is wise especially when the decision is neither unfounded nor unrealistic.

LOL @ that link

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

And this is wise especially when the decision is neither unfounded nor unrealistic.

Eh. Doesn't get to the level of wise for me -- I'd classify it as common sense, not wisdom.

LOL @ that link

I absolutely love that show.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Eh. Doesn't get to the level of wise for me -- I'd classify it as common sense, not wisdom.

How could it be common sense when it isn't common? People tend not to solely exercise their personal preference. They tend to go with pressures of conformity. That is particularly the case with weddings. Such pressure in weddings is why couples tend not to have the wedding of their dreams because their families' opinions and preferences matter more.

So, based on what wise means, I consider a couple going with their own preferences to be wise considering that it is probably at no detriment to anyone else. And they have probably weighed the costs and benefits of it and understand the decision. Now if I disagreed with their decision, as you seem to, or IrishLake said they only made that decision to piss the family off my assessment of the wisdom of the decision may change if I believed it was rooted in ignorance and poor planning on their part.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

How could it be common sense when it isn't common?

In my experience, it's not uncommon. It is, as you said, neither unfounded nor unrealistic. Lord knows, there's plenty about weddings these days that stress "It's your day and it's all about you -- do it the way you want to."

I consider it common sense to say "this is how we'd like our wedding to be/this is who we'd like to invite to our wedding." If you let others tell you who you need to invite, you don't need wisdom. You need backbone.

And I will argue about it.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

In my experience, it's not uncommon.

I only know my own experience but my experience is based on having a family that doesn't believe in getting in the way. Therefore, we don't have to tell anyone to fuck off or ignore our preferences in favor of family requests.

I can't speak for the experiences of the couples whose weddings I have attended. People don't always tell the full story and we don't see behind the scenes. They may or may not have gone primarily with their own preferences. Even a lot of happy couples who are pleased with their wedding admit that they would have done a few things differently if they didn't have to consider the needs and desires of family members.

"It's your day and it's all about you -- do it the way you want to" EXCEPT for the incidentals that happen in life. Some couples aren't able to work through this. Some of it is about backbone, some of it is about family dynamics, and some of it is wondering how many battles are worth fighting. Only going with your preferences definitely isn't common enough to be common sense based on what common sense really means--it isn't just something that ideally makes sense.

You aren't arguing with anyone.