Hyphenated last names

[GTAlphaPhi]

I've always wondered, especially with the rise of same-sex marriages, how to deal with last names? While I know many same-sex spouses (gay and lesbian), all of them kept their own names.


Are any of you part of or know of same-sex marriages where one took the other's name, or somehow combined it? How do you/they decide who's name will be the family name? Since it's same-sex, there isn't the "man's-name-is-the-family-name" tradition because either they're both men, or in the case of a lesbian marriage, no men.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by GTAlphaPhi

Are any of you part of or know of same-sex marriages where one took the other's name, or somehow combined it? How do you/they decide who's name will be the family name? Since it's same-sex, there isn't the "man's-name-is-the-family-name" tradition because either they're both men, or in the case of a lesbian marriage, no men.

It's really no different than what has been said in most of the posts in this thread. They decided whether they want to legally keep their last names, hyphenate, or take one of the mate's last names. As for the latter, similar to opposite sex couples, same-sex couples often have a spouse who is considered the more dominant based on gender ideologies, power and status, or family background.

The "man's-name-is-the-family-name" tradition is dumb as far as I'm concerned.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by GTAlphaPhi

I've always wondered, especially with the rise of same-sex marriages, how to deal with last names? While I know many same-sex spouses (gay and lesbian), all of them kept their own names.

Are any of you part of or know of same-sex marriages where one took the other's name, or somehow combined it? How do you/they decide who's name will be the family name? Since it's same-sex, there isn't the "man's-name-is-the-family-name" tradition because either they're both men, or in the case of a lesbian marriage, no men.

I don't think there's a standard. The same-sex couples I know made a hyphenated name out of both last names.

Ex: Suzie Jones and Jane Smith married and became Suzie and Jane Jones-Smith.

[ZTA72]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I don't think there's a standard. The same-sex couples I know made a hyphenated name out of both last names.

Ex: Suzie Jones and Jane Smith married and became Suzie and Jane Jones-Smith.

My same sex friends did that as well. They went to another state to become legally married and then returned home and went through the court system to change their names to a hypenated name of both last names. I didn't ask how they decided *the order* of the names.

[pinkyphimu]

Originally Posted by GTAlphaPhi

I've always wondered, especially with the rise of same-sex marriages, how to deal with last names? While I know many same-sex spouses (gay and lesbian), all of them kept their own names.


Are any of you part of or know of same-sex marriages where one took the other's name, or somehow combined it? How do you/they decide who's name will be the family name? Since it's same-sex, there isn't the "man's-name-is-the-family-name" tradition because either they're both men, or in the case of a lesbian marriage, no men.

Most of my gay and lesbian friends have kept their own names. One couple combined their names into something new. They both had very simple last names and they combined beautifully.

I kept my name when I got married. I don't care if you call me Mrs. HisName. If we ever have kids, they will take his last name, but we might give them my name as their middle names. My mom, on the other hand, is horrified. When my grandmother passed away, she included the grandchildrens' names. I read the paper and laugh out loud when I see....Pinky MaidenName-HisName. She said that she told the funeral director I have such a wonderful husband and that it is ridiculous that I didn't change my name.

We have friends who both changed their names to Karen MaidenName HisName and Tom HerMaidenName HisName. Her maiden name is both of their middle names now (and their kids too). When we sent our save the dates, hubby sent them to Mr. and Mrs. Tom HisName. Well, Karen got hubby's ear and chewed him up...don't you think I exist...aren't we friends...etc.etc. When it came time to send the invitations, hubby addressed it, Ms Karen HerName and Guest. LOL. He is such a smart a$$.

[aephi alum]

Whoof. So much I want to say here...

For me, hyphenation was not an option, simply because my husband's last name is alphabet soup all by itself. I chose to take his last name because it is distinctive (and also because my father is a jackass). However, I will bitch-slap anyone who calls me "Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname". I took his last name, not his first.

My mother, a retired doctor, did something similar to what ZTA72 described. When she got married, she changed her name legally to Mrs. Hislastname. Almost everything - driver's license, bank accounts, yadda yadda - is in her married name. The notable exception: She practiced as Dr. Hermaidenname. She had to double endorse all her paychecks because they were made out to Dr. Hermaidenname and her bank account said Mrs. Hislastname.

Back to the OP, if her friend's fiance is having a sh!tfit because she wants to hyphenate instead of just using his last name -- that couple needs to pause and consider before tying the knot.

[PhoenixAzul]

I am a hyphen. I didn't even intend on doing it until the day before the wedding. Then I got to thinking about my publications, the work I'm doing, and the norms in my field...and I decided hyphenation was pretty OK. Didn't tell my parents, didn't tell his parents...just told the priest and the friend who announced us at the wedding. My husband didn't care, but he didn't want to change, so it is just me, Phoenix Azul-Husband. I kept my middle name because I love it, and it is part of a nickname (TJ). It's really not that big of a deal, and really having part of my middle name has come in handy in a lot of situations. Being a hyphen is kinda fun, I just sort of alert people to the fact that it is hyphenated when I spell it for them. Although some people want to put husband's name first, and then mine, which changes our name to something that sounds extremely different, and a very common Jewish last name. I laugh. Husband has also gotten stuff to "Mr and Mrs Phoenix Azul-Husband".

He now knows what women go through all their lives.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

Husband has also gotten stuff to "Mr and Mrs Phoenix Azul-Husband".

He now knows what women go through all their lives.

LMAO!

My husband and I went on honeymoon in Aruba right after our wedding. Of course, I was unable to change the name on my passport before we left, so we traveled as (let's say) Mr. Stan Marsh and Ms. Wendy Testaburger. We also used my Hyatt points for our hotel stay, so the room was booked under my name - specifically, my maiden name. We mentioned we were on our honeymoon. So, for our entire stay, we were Mr. and Mrs. Testaburger.

One afternoon, we had lunch at the hotel restaurant, and DH signed it to the room, and the waiter challenged him because he signed it "Stan Marsh" and not "Stan Testaburger".

Yeah... DH didn't find it nearly as funny as I did.