Hyphenated last names

[AGDee]

I did always find it interesting that a birth certificate is considered identification for you even after you've changed your name and the names no longer match. At least with my maiden name as my middle name, it kind of demonstrates that there is a relationship between the current name and the name on the birth certificate.

[ADqtPiMel]

I am a hyphenate, but largely go by my last name (for pretty much anything where it isn't essential to use your full legal name).

And sorry, but I am militant about it. I don't go off on strangers who call me "Mrs. hislastname" or anything, but I definitely do correct them and expect them to acknowledge it. However, I have family and friends who know what my name is and choose to call me "Mrs. hislastname," and they get the full nuclear blast. You don't get to just choose what to call someone -- it's not THAT freaking unusual for a married couple to have different last names, so if you willfully ignore that, you're being rude.

[jojapeach]

Originally Posted by jdrama

With a hyphenated last name, you have to sign documents with First, MI, LastName1-Lastname2. Thats a lot!

That's funny because it's so true, but I really enjoy signing documents with my full on completely unusual name. My new last name is only 11 letters.

I hyphenated for my own selfish reasons including I liked having 7 of the same letter in my name. I've always been well-connected to 7, and I didn't want to give that small piece of me up just to be married. Luckily, my hubby's very understanding and low-drama unlike some of these men.

The OP's friend may want to just cut her losses with this control freak in hiding before she winds up on Maury with her head hanging down while her husband proudly announces that she can't do anything without his say-so. Honestly, is his last name "sooo totally freakin' awesome" that she'd be a fool to turn it down?
:

[RaggedyAnn]

I took Andy's last name, but was surprised when I started being referred to as First Name, Maiden Name, Last Name when volunteering with my alma mater and the sorority. It caught me off guard at first, because I was married for 3+ years and hadn't used my maiden name for anything. I now use my maiden name with my Last Name regularly in communications, but it's not my legal name anymore.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by ZTA72

I know many female physicians who keep their name and then if married after graduation then use their husband's name socially and for any children. It seems to work well to separate work and social/family life.

Ditto with lawyers. My wife did that as long as she was in journalism as well. She still regularly uses FirstName MaidenName MySurname (without a hyphen).

Meanwhile, OP's friend and her fiancé need to have a serious talk if he's willing to call off the wedding over this.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by jdrama

With a hyphenated last name, you have to sign documents with First, MI, LastName1-Lastname2.

Stop being so lazy, people.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by ADqtPiMel

And sorry, but I am militant about it. I don't go off on strangers who call me "Mrs. hislastname" or anything, but I definitely do correct them and expect them to acknowledge it. However, I have family and friends who know what my name is and choose to call me "Mrs. hislastname," and they get the full nuclear blast. You don't get to just choose what to call someone -- it's not THAT freaking unusual for a married couple to have different last names, so if you willfully ignore that, you're being rude.

Amen, sister.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by ZTA72

I know many female physicians who keep their name and then if married after graduation then use their husband's name socially and for any children. It seems to work well to separate work and social/family life.

This is what I do. Actually, sometimes I don't remember what name I use for what situation, and I'll be at a hotel checking-in having to give a litany of different names for the reservation! Professionally, I use my maiden name...which no one can pronounce correctly. Usually I use my married name socially...which REALLY no one can pronounce since my Greek FIL changed when he came to America (too many Ds and Js in the name!) I also hyphenate when people in a group may know me by both names. If I had it my way, I'd just use my maiden name....hell, it's been mine since I was born no matter which parent it came from!

Originally Posted by Gusteau

This is a pet peeve of mine - I don't mind if you correct me, I mean it is your name, but when people get militant and angry about it... If you're going to go against such a longstanding social convention I'm fine with it, just be patient in explaining your situation to those who have not been informed of it - there's no need to get angry.

The only think that irritates me is when my husband gets the Dr and I get the Mrs. If you are handing out honorariums, give them to both of us please. I don't care if you don't call me doctor, but it's a slight to my gender to call him one and leave me out. What ever last name you put in doesn't matter to me.

To the OP, I guess your friend really needs to think these things through. I agree that this is just a power struggle. It will be one of many in a marriage. This is an issue that brings up old issues of male dominance that never had to be discussed in the past. Even in modern marriage, gender roles are automatically assigned in each persons mind going into the marriage. I am constantly amazed at what my very non-traditional husband still thinks is my "job" (ie. to do the shopping and cleaning until I remind him that he can do it just as well as I can.) Those kinds of things are really ingrained in our society, so if he's freaking out about a name, what else might be in his head about other female roles?

[SydneyK]

When hubby and I were planning our wedding, he actually asked me if I thought we should both hyphenate our names. My maiden name has Welsh roots and is difficult to pronounce; his has Native American roots and is never mispronounced (think: ClearWater; Stands with Fist (ha)). We figured any combination of our names would sound odd and would most likely be mispronounced, so I decided just to take his name. My maiden name is now my middle name.

And I echo the others who have said the OP's friend needs to step back and really look at what's going on.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by RaggedyAnn

I took Andy's last name, but was surprised when I started being referred to as First Name, Maiden Name, Last Name when volunteering with my alma mater and the sorority. It caught me off guard at first, because I was married for 3+ years and hadn't used my maiden name for anything. I now use my maiden name with my Last Name regularly in communications, but it's not my legal name anymore.

That's pretty common with colleges and sororities - so that people who knew you then can figure out who you are, and for their records (so that they can tie you in with all the rest of your transcripts, etc.). You signed all your paperwork with your maiden name - I think this is just their way of keeping it all straight.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by agzg

That's pretty common with colleges and sororities - so that people who knew you then can figure out who you are, and for their records (so that they can tie you in with all the rest of your transcripts, etc.). You signed all your paperwork with your maiden name - I think this is just their way of keeping it all straight.

I use my hyphenated name with AOII for this reason. My chapter sisters wouldn't recognize me if it just said my married name.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I want to announce that there are a couple of jokes that came to mind when reading this. I shall behave.

Originally Posted by ZTA72

I know many female physicians who keep their name and then if married after graduation then use their husband's name socially and for any children. It seems to work well to separate work and social/family life.

I'm not sure if it would be the same with DVMs but when I graduate, and marry, I would still use his last name. I don't think I know any vets personally who use a hyphenated last name. I think the only problem would be a business card change.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I'm not sure if it would be the same with DVMs but when I graduate, and marry, I would still use his last name. I don't think I know any vets personally who use a hyphenated last name. I think the only problem would be a business card change.

There may not be as much hassel in the world of licensing for DVMs as there is for MDs. If you have your maiden name on your diploma, it is a huge deal to then have your medical license in a different name or practice in a hospital under a different name.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Meanwhile, OP's friend and her fiancé need to have a serious talk if he's willing to call off the wedding over this.

I met him and have gone to lunch with both of them. He is kind of controlling. He's also a surgeon and has made a few comments about veterinary medicine that I wasn't very pleased with.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I met him and have gone to lunch with both of them. He is kind of controlling. He's also a surgeon and has made a few comments about veterinary medicine that I wasn't very pleased with.

Explains A LOT! She needs to sit down NOW and have that discussion about expectations.