Hyphenated last names

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I can say for sure I will not be hyphenating my name. Logistically, it's a pain, and my last name does not sound good as the first of two hyphenated names. What happens when two hyphenated named kids get married? Do their kids have 4 last names?

Hyphenations are one of my naming pet peeves along with people whose kids go by their middle names. Schools don't know what they go by, so the first day of school, the teacher calls out Roland and everyone laughs at poor Joey. Honor your beloved relative with the embarassing name in your child's MIDDLE name.

I like my last name and I will probably keep it. However, my kids will go by my husband's last name, and I am okay with that. I have thought about changing my middle name to my mother's maiden name, since my middle name is Marie (GENERIC---like everyone else!), and I would like both sides of my heritage to be reflected in my name.

That's a nice thought. I actually considered changing my last name to my mother's maiden name when i was a senior med student. My last name is frequently mispronounced in an embarrassing way (I don't really care anymore.) My mom's name was Dumas. I really thought about it but decided that I really didn't want to be Dr. Dumba$$ for the rest of my life since that's what kids called her growing up!

BTW, if you do it like the Spanish, you would drop your mother's name when you marry and add your husband's. Your children would have your father's name added to the end of your husband's name.

Ex. Maria Gonzalez-Prieto marries Eduardo Acosta-Rodriguez. Maria becomes Maria Gonzalez-Acosta.
Her children are Acosta-Gonzalez. I am 100% sure about the children as I have a friend who hyphenates. I am not 100% about the order that his mother's name is written. It may be Acosta-Gonzalez as well, but I think it is the way previously written. Maybe one of our latino GC-ers can help me!

[thetygerlily]

First- it's sad that this is a dealbreaker for him but she likely won't call it off. Unfortunately I think those types of relationships are fairly common, or at least more common than I'd like to see. My husband and I are both very strong-willed and neither will go down without a (verbal) fight

Originally Posted by RaggedyAnn

I took Andy's last name, but was surprised when I started being referred to as First Name, Maiden Name, Last Name when volunteering with my alma mater and the sorority.

I definitely get the rationale behind including it, but I feel like when they send me a letter or something, I don't need to see my maiden name. For official records, name tags, whatever- fine. But don't blast me with it. I dropped it for a reason! My biggest pet peeve, though? Being called Mr. and Mrs. Husband'sFirst LastName. By my college. Where both my husband and I attended and received degrees. If I didn't go there, okay, maybe I understand that it's HISTORICALLY acceptable (I'd get annoyed but not throw a fit). But- I did graduate from there, so I complained... Address us as Husband and Lily LastName. Two people, same last name. Genious! I started a mini revolution, several others complained after me thanks to the glories of Facebook.

I didn't feel much tie to my maiden name's family (only met the extended family once or twice), hated being at the end of the alphabet, and rebelled against having a masculine last name (male name + s... like Stevens, but not). I had no hesitation in dropping that altogether and adopting my husband's name... but because it is a Portuguese name, it is often misspelled (although it's a very common word in Spanish, the name equivalent uses a different spelling- so people always use the Spanish version). Eh, it's misspelled less than my maiden (people often dropped or changed letters at will).

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

BTW, if you do it like the Spanish, you would drop your mother's name when you marry and add your husband's. Your children would have your father's name added to the end of your husband's name.

My husband is Brazilian and that is kind of like how his family does it- but without the hyphens. So he has four names: First Mother'sMaiden Father'sMother'sMaiden Father'sFather'sLast. Although the FMM is actually two words (de + name) so he has five words in his name. So F MM de FMM FFL. No middle name- so when he came to the US and they suddenly started using Mother'sMaiden as his midden name & middle initial he was incredibly confused. Now he just goes with it... but begrudgingly

I had a lot to think about in choosing what names I would take. In Brazil I would take most of those names- but since we're in the US and to simplify things, I just took the last one (FFL). I'm not sure what we'll do with kids... probably just keep them to match mine, or maybe play with family names as middle names. But we aren't there yet so we'll figure it out when we get there!

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by thetygerlily

My biggest pet peeve, though? Being called Mr. and Mrs. Husband'sFirst LastName. By my college. Where both my husband and I attended and received degrees. If I didn't go there, okay, maybe I understand that it's HISTORICALLY acceptable (I'd get annoyed but not throw a fit).

You know it's funny, and a generational thing I know, but my mother hated being addressed as Mrs. HerFirstName Surname. Completely incorrect, she always said. She would say should either be Mrs. Husband'sFirstName Surname or simply HerFirstName Surname. In other words, she maintained taht if you use a first name with "Mrs.", it should be the husband's first name.

She finally got used to having people use Mrs. and her first name, but I don't think she ever got to where she liked it or thought it was proper.

[thetygerlily]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

You know it's funny, and a generational thing I know, but my mother hated being addressed as Mrs. HerFirstName Surname. Completely incorrect, she always said. She would say should either be Mrs. Husband'sFirstName Surname or simply HerFirstName Surname. In other words, she maintained taht if you use a first name with "Mrs.", it should be the husband's first name.

She finally got used to having people use Mrs. and her first name, but I don't think she ever got to where she liked it or thought it was proper.

Oh that is funny! I think that comes from a time where marriage was almost part of a status symbol- you take on part of that family's identity, and prove that you are good enough to get married. Well that's kind of the cynical boiled down version anyway. That's why it wouldn't have bothered me (as much) if it were from somewhere else... I know in the past that was just how it was, and what was expected. But we're not of those times anymore, and my school in particular sees a lot of marriages between graduates- so they're going to have to get with the times. I don't mind being a rabble-rouser if it brings us up to date.

I still pause a little when I hear "Mrs. MarriedName"... the Mrs. just seems weird. I mean, I know I'm married, I know that comes with the territory- but it seems so formal. I much prefer Ms. MarriedName or hey, we're in the 21st century, just call me Lily. No prefix required.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by 1stSoon2BePhD

Hmmm, so what did she use as a first name? My best friends mom stopped using her first name, moved her middle name to her first name, moved her maiden name to her middle name, and took her husbands last name.

Like I said above , this.

But if you asked her, she would say her first name is still "Mary" but that she doesn't use (or rarely uses) it anymore.

You know, on a slightly different tangent, this reminds me of the family plot in the cemetery. Going to back to my great-grandparents, all the footstones for the men/husbands say

FirstName MiddleName Surname.

The footstones for the women/wives all say

FirstName MiddleName MaidenName
Wife of FirstName MiddleName Surname

Originally Posted by thetygerlily

I still pause a little when I hear "Mrs. MarriedName"... the Mrs. just seems weird. I mean, I know I'm married, I know that comes with the territory- but it seems so formal. I much prefer Ms. MarriedName or hey, we're in the 21st century, just call me Lily. No prefix required.

Maybe it's my age or maybe it's my background, but I don't like to be called "Mystic" by people I don't really know. It irks me no end for a random salesperson or someone similar to call me by my first name -- to me it smacks of trying to suggest a familiarity where there is none.

Yep, I've been known to have a salesperson say "HI, I'm Gregg, what's your name?", only to answer "Mr. Cat."

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Maybe it's my age or maybe it's my background, but I don't like to be called "Mystic" by people I don't really know. It irks me no end for a random salesperson or someone similar to call me by my first name -- to me it smacks of trying to suggest a familiarity where there is none.

Yep, I've been known to have a salesperson say "HI, I'm Gregg, what's your name?", only to answer "Mr. Cat."

^5

[GTAlphaPhi]

I've always wondered, especially with the rise of same-sex marriages, how to deal with last names? While I know many same-sex spouses (gay and lesbian), all of them kept their own names.


Are any of you part of or know of same-sex marriages where one took the other's name, or somehow combined it? How do you/they decide who's name will be the family name? Since it's same-sex, there isn't the "man's-name-is-the-family-name" tradition because either they're both men, or in the case of a lesbian marriage, no men.

[thetygerlily]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Maybe it's my age or maybe it's my background, but I don't like to be called "Mystic" by people I don't really know. It irks me no end for a random salesperson or someone similar to call me by my first name -- to me it smacks of trying to suggest a familiarity where there is none.

Yep, I've been known to have a salesperson say "HI, I'm Gregg, what's your name?", only to answer "Mr. Cat."

Maybe that goes back to my "youth", or to where I'm from... things do tend to be much more casual & laid back in the northwest. Just goes to show a blanket solution apparently doesn't work!

Perhaps we should start referring to you as Mr. Cat from now on? (j/k- but it would be funny to see that randomly show up in threads)

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by thetygerlily

Perhaps we should start referring to you as Mr. Cat from now on?

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by thetygerlily

Perhaps we should start referring to you as Mr. Cat from now on? (j/k- but it would be funny to see that randomly show up in threads)

Since he's Southern, we just make it initials.. MC. <duck>