how do sororities decide?

[AOEforme]

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

By knowing alot I dont mean rumors, I mean by interacting with them.

I'm just curious where/how/when you interacted with them. Frat parties? Classes? Did you see a girl who acted like a bi*** in their letters?

[swtlilsoni]

Originally Posted by AOEforme

I'm just curious where/how/when you interacted with them. Frat parties? Classes? Did you see a girl who acted like a bi*** in their letters?

No I actually don't go to frat parties that much, Ive been to alot of their meet the sisters and other events, and I know a few of the girls.

[AOEforme]

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

No I actually don't go to frat parties that much, Ive been to alot of their meet the sisters and other events, and I know a few of the girls.

I'm just confused then: As I see it you're either (1) Listening to tent talk, rumors, judging those ladies based on appearance, etc. or (2) letting a few bad eggs ruin what could be a great experience.

If you like those girls you know, if they're your friends, I don't understand what about this sorority (other than rumors and superficial reasons) is putting you off and making you think you wouldn't fit. Do they not mix with the top fraternities? Did one of the girls you know not get a good bid day package? Did she feel lonely during her NM period? Are they not the size 0 blondes?

If you don't like those girls you know, you wouldn't (and I can say this with nearly 100% confidence) like every girl in your top choice either. I took an oath to love all my sisters, but honestly (and everyone else will tell you this too) there are some girls in my chapter I just don't get along with. And I prolly never will, no matter how hard I try. We're friendly, but will never be BFFs. It happens in every chapter, everywhere.

Also, if you really have been to a lot of their events, you've shown geniune interest in their organization and of course they asked you back. But, being invited to pref means that they (the only people who truely know that organization) think that you would fit in. If they've had time BEFORE formal recruitment to get to know you, that makes me think all the more that they were probably correct. It's a shame you didn't give them a try.

[swtlilsoni]

Originally Posted by AOEforme

I'm just confused then: As I see it you're either (1) Listening to tent talk, rumors, judging those ladies based on appearance, etc. or (2) letting a few bad eggs ruin what could be a great experience.

If you like those girls you know, if they're your friends, I don't understand what about this sorority (other than rumors and superficial reasons) is putting you off and making you think you wouldn't fit. Do they not mix with the top fraternities? Did one of the girls you know not get a good bid day package? Did she feel lonely during her NM period? Are they not the size 0 blondes?

If you don't like those girls you know, you wouldn't (and I can say this with nearly 100% confidence) like every girl in your top choice either. I took an oath to love all my sisters, but honestly (and everyone else will tell you this too) there are some girls in my chapter I just don't get along with. And I prolly never will, no matter how hard I try. We're friendly, but will never be BFFs. It happens in every chapter, everywhere.

Also, if you really have been to a lot of their events, you've shown geniune interest in their organization and of course they asked you back. But, being invited to pref means that they (the only people who truely know that organization) think that you would fit in. If they've had time BEFORE formal recruitment to get to know you, that makes me think all the more that they were probably correct. It's a shame you didn't give them a try.

hmm well I have a question for you
what about people who dont accept bids? Is that not okay?
Basically, are you saying that its wrong to not want to join a certain sorority or have preferences among chapters?
I mean, after attending each party we have to rank the chapters in order of preference .. is that wrong?
If a girl is in a certain chapter that fits her, are you saying that she would have been just as fine in any of the other ones?
I still feel like there are certain chapters you fit in and certain chapters that arent right for you ..

I'm really not trying to argue or anything I'm just trying to understand if by what your saying, you mean any sorority is good for any girl and one can fit in any of them? or are you saying since they think I was a fit they must have been correct?

I think what your trying to get at is that the sorority thought I would be right for them so they were probably right..
Well sometimes a girl finds a connection but the sorority eliminates her right? So why is it not okay if a sorority finds a connection but a girl doesnt?

And those girls that I know .. I know them but it doesnt mean I'm good friends with them. Think back to highschool, didn't you know a bunch of people but you fit in and had a bond with others? I know these girls and I speak to them and see them around every now and then but we never had enough of a connection to become good friends.
And you're probably right that even in my top choice there are going to be a few girls I dont have a bond with .. but does that make it equivalent to another choice in which I haven't found a bond with anyone save one or two in?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

I'm really not trying to argue or anything I'm just trying to understand if by what your saying, you mean any sorority is good for any girl and one can fit in any of them? or are you saying since they think I was a fit they must have been correct?


And you're probably right that even in my top choice there are going to be a few girls I dont have a bond with .. but does that make it equivalent to another choice in which I haven't found a bond with anyone save one or two in?

Honestly, you're allowed to accept/decline whatever invitations you wish. It happens. It was just a little odd because we were all under the impression that you were released from all chapters, not that you got an invite to pref but chose not to attend.

Also (and this is not necessarily my personal opinion) I can tell you that there are alot of people on GC who have problems having a lot of sympathy for someone asking "what happened" when they had every chance to be in a sorority.

Anyway, best of luck with your COB efforts and such.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

hmm well I have a question for you
what about people who dont accept bids? Is that not okay?
Basically, are you saying that its wrong to not want to join a certain sorority or have preferences among chapters?
I mean, after attending each party we have to rank the chapters in order of preference .. is that wrong?
If a girl is in a certain chapter that fits her, are you saying that she would have been just as fine in any of the other ones?
I still feel like there are certain chapters you fit in and certain chapters that arent right for you ..

I'm really not trying to argue or anything I'm just trying to understand if by what your saying, you mean any sorority is good for any girl and one can fit in any of them? or are you saying since they think I was a fit they must have been correct?

I think what your trying to get at is that the sorority thought I would be right for them so they were probably right..
Well sometimes a girl finds a connection but the sorority eliminates her right? So why is it not okay if a sorority finds a connection but a girl doesnt?

Sorry I've arrived a little late to this party, but...

You're going to find from being on this site that there are numerous recruitment stories posted all the time. I joined Greekchat over the summer and since then, I can't tell you how many stories I've read where a girl doesn't really like a chapter, it turns out it's her only option going into pref, and then she absolutely loves it.

You seem very concerned with the number of sisters you had to talk to in order to get a bid. Therefore, I'm guessing you didn't talk to a lot of sisters from each sorority (which can very well happen with much larger chapters). Because of this, you only talked to a handful of sisters from the "less desirable" chapter, and chances are you might have had conversations with more of them at pref, and you might have found from talking to them that this chapter was exactly where you were meant to be.

Basically, all you can do is try to rush again. Have good grades, look presentable, carry great conversations, etc. Worrying about the rest of it isn't going to make a difference.

And next time... keep an open mind and be willing to accept the fact that you might not get a bid to your favorite chapter.

[TriDeltaSallie]

There is a possibility that seems to have been overlooked. It is possible that the poster is a Christian and was only invited back to one of the predominantly Jewish sororities. If this were the case, it wouldn't make sense for her to return if she felt she could never be comfortable there.

I have no idea if this is the case. But there are possible explanations that a PNM might not feel expressing in a public place with the PC police on the troll throughout the world.

Just a thought.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

There is a possibility that seems to have been overlooked. It is possible that the poster is a Christian and was only invited back to one of the predominantly Jewish sororities. If this were the case, it wouldn't make sense for her to return if she felt she could never be comfortable there.

I have no idea if this is the case. But there are possible explanations that a PNM might not feel expressing in a public place with the PC police on the troll throughout the world.

Just a thought.

This thread = getting a little ridiculous.

I'm certainly not one to say that a PNM doesn't have the right to accept/decline whatever invites she gets.

People also need to consider when they come here for advice and such, that they open themselves up for criticism (whether warranted or not). That's how asking for advice and such on the internet works.

I mean, if they only want someone to tell them what they want to hear about a situation, then perhaps they should ask their friends or people around them--rather than strangers on a message board.

This might sound harsh, but if she wants to hear "oh it was totally cool of you to decline a pref invite" she should probably ask someone else. That's not likely to be the response she gets here.

This has never been a "tell PNMs what they want to hear" kind of place, and I really don't want it to become that. I think it does a disservice to them if you ask me. If being honest with someone makes me "mean" or the "PC police" then so be it.

And for the record, there are TONS of threads where PNMs ask questions and get completely civil, polite and informative answers. I'd say that 90% of responses to PNMs are very helpful and polite. Not every PNM is "demonized here" at all. It's when they are in denial, rude, or just not wanting to accept the advice that THEY asked for, when people then have to be rude back.

The poster's question was answered VERY politely in the first few posts.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

There is a possibility that seems to have been overlooked. It is possible that the poster is a Christian and was only invited back to one of the predominantly Jewish sororities. If this were the case, it wouldn't make sense for her to return if she felt she could never be comfortable there.

I have no idea if this is the case. But there are possible explanations that a PNM might not feel expressing in a public place with the PC police on the troll throughout the world.

Just a thought.

You are reaaaaaaaaaally reaching.

[Thetagirl218]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

There is a possibility that seems to have been overlooked. It is possible that the poster is a Christian and was only invited back to one of the predominantly Jewish sororities. If this were the case, it wouldn't make sense for her to return if she felt she could never be comfortable there.

While I don't personally know about being a Christian in a Jewish based sorority; however, I have Theta sisters who are Jewish and being in Theta was never a problem. I am sure there are girls who Christians who also in NPC sororities based off of Jewish principles.

[jwright25]

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

what about people who dont accept bids? Is that not okay?

Personally, no, I don't think that's okay. When you sign an MRABA (pref card, bid card, etc.), you are saying that you will ACCEPT a bid to any chapter listed. So if you get a bid and don't accept it, you are going back on your word. If you know you will refuse a bid, you shouldn't list a chapter. This brings up other issues with ISP'ing (suiciding) and whatnot. I think PNMs should have the right to do that if they want. But I am also for having PNMs give a chapter a chance with their new member period.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

Basically, are you saying that its wrong to not want to join a certain sorority or have preferences among chapters?

I don't think that anyone said it is wrong to have preferences. But some believe it is wrong to disrespect a chapter that has issued an invitation to you by not showing up. As others have mentioned, if you had gone back, you might have been preffed by your future BFF or big sis. Just because you hadn't already made a personal connection doesn't mean the potential isn't there. Had you already met and spent time with every single member?

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

I mean, after attending each party we have to rank the chapters in order of preference .. is that wrong?

No, that is part of the mutual selection process. You rank, and chapters rank. It has to work somehow, and this way works the very best. It is designed to try and create parity amongst the chapters on a campus and keep the already huge from getting bigger. If there is no semblance of parity, chapters will start to fail. Then PNMs are left with fewer options.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

If a girl is in a certain chapter that fits her, are you saying that she would have been just as fine in any of the other ones?

Perhaps, perhaps not. That girl will never know, because she's not in that chapter. I think many of the women on GC will attest to the fact that they could have very easily been a member of a different organization on their campus. In fact, I think there are even several threads about this.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

I still feel like there are certain chapters you fit in and certain chapters that arent right for you ..

But that is based on observations made during a couple nights of formal recruitment and what you may have heard from other people or briefly observed during fall semester as an outsider. You don't know for a fact whether or not you will fit if you don't give it a chance. It's like brussels sprouts. Other people might think they are nasty. And then when they are placed in front of you, you might think they look unappetizing and smell bad. But until you actually put one in your mouth and chew, you can't honestly say that you don't like brussels sprouts.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

I'm really not trying to argue or anything I'm just trying to understand if by what your saying, you mean any sorority is good for any girl and one can fit in any of them? or are you saying since they think I was a fit they must have been correct?

Yes, maybe. Nothing in life or recruitment is black and white. But they saw qualities in you that they were looking for in a new member. You can't say that even you know all of your talents right now. And I would venture to say that most sororities are diverse in their membership. Everyone has scholars, leaders, athletes, partiers, etc. So, yes, any girl who is interested in sorority membership will find a way to fit in with the chapter that finds her worthy of membership.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

Well sometimes a girl finds a connection but the sorority eliminates her right? So why is it not okay if a sorority finds a connection but a girl doesnt?

Again, you might not have had the appropriate time or situation to find that connection. They have found one. They are willing to take the chance on you and try to give you the opportunities to make connections through their new member program. I have seen new members bawling on Bid Day because they got their second choice, but then go on to become highly successful leaders of their sorority. Things work out. But it is a two way street - you have to give a little, too.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

And those girls that I know .. I know them but it doesnt mean I'm good friends with them. Think back to highschool, didn't you know a bunch of people but you fit in and had a bond with others? I know these girls and I speak to them and see them around every now and then but we never had enough of a connection to become good friends.

And perhaps they have lamented that fact and now want to get to know you better by inviting you to their sorority recruitment functions.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

And you're probably right that even in my top choice there are going to be a few girls I dont have a bond with .. but does that make it equivalent to another choice in which I haven't found a bond with anyone save one or two in?

A bond with one or two is a lot more than some people have found in their first choice prior to Preference.

If recruitment was organized in a way such that all PNMs just got to join whoever they wanted, it would be terribly chaotic and uneven. This mutual selection process helps to manage chapter sizes and the Panhellenic system and provide opportunities for most PNMs to find a sorority. Bottom line here is that a chapter decided that you would be a good match to them. Perhaps they saw your leadership skills in an area that they are lacking.

Not necessarily speaking about you here swtlilsoni, but I am a little put off by PNMs who decline invitations to chapters that they deem to be beneath them. If you are so fantastic and have such an awesome leadership background, join this chapter and take a leadership role. If a PNM thinks she knows so much about a chapter and what's wrong with it, she should join and make it better. All chapters are recruiting future leaders.

[AOEforme]

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

hmm well I have a question for you
what about people who dont accept bids? Is that not okay?

It's fine to not accept a bid: It's when the person doesn't accept the bid and (1) they haven't given the sororities a chance and (2) they complain about why they haven't been given a bid.

I dropped out of formal my freshman year. I felt lost in the sea of goregeous blondes and wasn't even sure I wanted to be in a sorority. (I honestly didn't think it was right for me. I felt really uncomfortable with every chapter on campus.) So trust me, I'm not judging you for dropping out of formal and looking for alternate recruitment routes. It's what I did... but my reasons were quite different. I also (even as a naive freshman) never thought a chapter was beneath me. I never whined and complained about why I hadn't been offered a bid to a good group.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

Basically, are you saying that its wrong to not want to join a certain sorority or have preferences among chapters?

Nope: everyone does.... unless you were an idiot like me and had no idea going through recruitment what any of the letters even meant. ("Why the heck does this girl have three triangles on her sweatshirt?").

When I started doing COB, I had preferences. Everyone does. It's (once again) the total dismissal of a group that was offering you a chance to get to know them.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

If a girl is in a certain chapter that fits her, are you saying that she would have been just as fine in any of the other ones?
I still feel like there are certain chapters you fit in and certain chapters that arent right for you ..

There are certain chapters you may never fit in: you'll never know if the one you ditched was one of them. Read through the recruitment threads and you'll find dozens upon dozens of women who's minds completely switched at pref party.

And for many more of us (including myself) it wasn't until halfway through the new member period that we knew we were home. It took until my pledge retreat to feel like I really fit in and until my sophomore year to feel 100% at home. Now, I couldn't leave my sisters for anything!

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

I'm really not trying to argue or anything I'm just trying to understand if by what your saying, you mean any sorority is good for any girl and one can fit in any of them? or are you saying since they think I was a fit they must have been correct?

What I was saying is that:
* ladies from the chapter knew you going in from elsewhere
* You had attended several pre-recruitment events they hosted

And they still offered you an inivite to pref, meaning you would end up somewhere on the bid list. They had a pretty good idea of who you are and they know how the chapter works. I was saying there was a pretty good chance (better than normal) that they were right!

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

I think what your trying to get at is that the sorority thought I would be right for them so they were probably right..
Well sometimes a girl finds a connection but the sorority eliminates her right? So why is it not okay if a sorority finds a connection but a girl doesnt?

I'm not saying this was the case with you.... but sometimes girls pick sororities by the fact that they mix with the best fraternities, have cute colors, are the pretty ones, etc. That "connection" some of these girls feel is really just a desire to be an ABC. That's why recruitment is mutual.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

And those girls that I know .. I know them but it doesnt mean I'm good friends with them. Think back to highschool, didn't you know a bunch of people but you fit in and had a bond with others? I know these girls and I speak to them and see them around every now and then but we never had enough of a connection to become good friends.
And you're probably right that even in my top choice there are going to be a few girls I dont have a bond with .. but does that make it equivalent to another choice in which I haven't found a bond with anyone save one or two in?

Maybe you never had enough of a connection because you felt they were beneath you as you feel their chapter is.

How do you know you'd only have a bond with one or two people in your last choice? How do you know you wouldn't be like that in your first? You have not been in any of the groups in question: you do not know who you will or will not bond with.