Need advice regarding roommate and her creepy boyfriend

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

This is so sad that my heart breaks for her. I have known SO MANY STINKIN' GIRLS like this and even though I sort of understood the twistedness going on in their heads, I wanted to slap them all the same. Some wised up and got out while they could. Some didn't. One is engaged right now and I'm glad it's a destination wedding--I have the perfect excuse not to go. We try to point out how much he manipulates her, controls her activities, and pushes away her friends, but she's just so happy to have found "a man who is such a great leader."


So all men who aren't seflish, manipulative pricks are "abnormal?"

I'm kind of irked that no one said they thought my guy was a creep-o until I had already figured it out myself. What does it take for people to say "hey, something isn't right here" because if they had I wouldn't have signed a lease with him or tried to work it out.

I never realized that leaving is the easy part and the hard part is what comes after until I was in that situation. If I had known what I'd have to go through after the fact, I might have just played nice until the lease was up and I could get my family here and save up money to make a cleaner break.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

I'm kind of irked that no one said they thought my guy was a creep-o until I had already figured it out myself. What does it take for people to say "hey, something isn't right here" because if they had I wouldn't have signed a lease with him or tried to work it out.

See, that would've been a very unlikely reaction. You see stories within this thread (and IRL) where friends tried to shed some light on it and ended up being cut out of that person's life. It's very common for a woman to choose a man and his nonsense over her friends and family (why, IDK). My aunt went through the same thing. So have I. My very best friend in the world was sleeping with a married man and I told her straight up that wasn't a good decision. With all the lies he told her to cover up the fact he had a wife, that he had kids...it didn't make sense to stay with him after she uncovered all the lies. Well, she broke off our friendship instead. I bet no one came forward because they were afraid you'd push them away and then have no one to turn to if your situation became dangerous. That was my and my cousin's reasoning was when another cousin was in trouble. I ended up saying something and guess what--she flipped out and we haven't spoken in a year. Now at least my other cousin is still in her good graces because if something does go down, she's going to need someone to reach out to and, because I spoke up, it won't be me (or her mother and sister--she's alienated both). It'd be a dangerous thing if she felt she had no one so we just want to keep at least one relative in play.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

See, that would've been a very unlikely reaction. You see stories within this thread (and IRL) where friends tried to shed some light on it and ended up being cut out of that person's life. It's very common for a woman to choose a man and his nonsense over her friends and family (why, IDK). My aunt went through the same thing. So have I. My very best friend in the world was sleeping with a married man and I told her straight up that wasn't a good decision. With all the lies he told her to cover up the fact he had a wife, that he had kids...it didn't make sense to stay with him after she uncovered all the lies. Well, she broke off our friendship instead. I bet no one came forward because they were afraid you'd push them away and then have no one to turn to if your situation became dangerous. That was my and my cousin's reasoning was when another cousin was in trouble. I ended up saying something and guess what--she flipped out and we haven't spoken in a year. Now at least my other cousin is still in her good graces because if something does go down, she's going to need someone to reach out to and, because I spoke up, it won't be me (or her mother and sister--she's alienated both). It'd be a dangerous thing if she felt she had no one so we just want to keep at least one relative in play.

It just blew my mind the amount of people who had no contact with each other, all saying the same thing after the fact. I didn't even realize there were problems until I went away on an archaeology dig, and his behavior was so out of character. Just yesterday I told a coworker about it (my boss knew for legal reasons) and he was shocked because my ex doesn't come off that way at all.