40 y.o. track coach marries his student :(

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by Thetagirl218

No offense to your family's history that you talked about earlier, but in today's world, I don't think 16 year olds really know what love is enough to settle down and get married. In this case the sexual relations started when the girl was 14, that is a coach taking advatage of a young girl. 16 year old girls want to be loved and if they feel they are loved by a boyfriend no matter what the age, they wil do what ever it takes to keep that love. This girl isn't thinking about her furture, she could have gone to college or pursued a career instead of being married to her old highschool couch and proabaly having a a kid by the time she is 18. Its just plain sad!

I didn't get from the article that they were having sex when they were 14, just that they developed a friendship when she was 14. I don't see anything that weird about that.

I know an older couple that married when the wife was 15. Still married and happy many years later. You note that in today's world 16 year olds aren't ready, but it really depends on the 16 year old, IMO. There are people of all ages who aren't ready for marriage and relationships.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

I didn't get from the article that they were having sex when they were 14, just that they developed a friendship when she was 14. I don't see anything that weird about that.

I so disagree. I think it's completely inappropriate for a 38 year old man to have a "friendship" with a 14 year old girl. He can be friendly to her, as a neighbor might be, but to be real friends with her? Not appropriate.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

I so disagree. I think it's completely inappropriate for a 38 year old man to have a "friendship" with a 14 year old girl. He can be friendly to her, as a neighbor might be, but to be real friends with her? Not appropriate.

Yep.

And if he knows her and has occasion to interact with her because of school, track, a club, youth group, whatever, than his agreement to work with her in a mentoring way should mean that he never "dates" her.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

I so disagree. I think it's completely inappropriate for a 38 year old man to have a "friendship" with a 14 year old girl. He can be friendly to her, as a neighbor might be, but to be real friends with her? Not appropriate.

I'm just curious (not trying to be argumentative or anything), but why would a friendship be inappropriate? I had older male friends when I was that age, and I don't remember it being any kind of big deal. Maybe my memory is faulty, I don't know.

[UGAalum94]

I know I'm not the person you asked, but I'm throwing this out there anyway:

It's weird because most friendships we consider mutually beneficial; both parties get something out of the deal: entertainment, support, networking, whatever.

While you can easily see why an older person serving as a mentor or having a selfless interest in a younger person like a niece or neighbor is beneficial for the kid, when the older person starts to expect whatever usual benefits that we get from friendship in return, that makes the person weird.

A 45 year old man shouldn't turn to 14 year old girls for relationship advice or affirmation, it seems to me.

So if you had several older men who offered you advice and support and you think of them as friends, that's great, but I'd probably classify the relationship a little differently. If you actually hung out with 45 year old men, and they relied on you for companionship and whatever 45 year old guys talk about and do with their friends, it would seem a little weird.

ETA: it's odd that all I can come up with 45 year old guys doing for friendship involves golf or talking about landscaping or doing stuff with their wives. How sad is that?

[SWTXBelle]

Here's what always mystifies me. As a teacher at both the high school and college levels I can honestly say I never considered any of my students as anything but students. I became friends with some after I had taught them, and our relationship could be on more even ground. I certainly never thought of them sexually. Ew. I just can't understand how teachers - male or female - can't understand that even if you DO find yourself attracted to a student that is a line you do not cross.
How sad and pathetic a person must you be to, in your 40s, look to a teen for a romantic relationship. The poor girl hasn't had a chance to figure out who she is. How many people here would want to be 16 again? And, how many here would feel able to decide to marry at that age. Good Lord! I feel so sorry for her parents (although I still would never have given permission for them to marry). Has the coach been married before, I wonder?

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by AlphaGamUGAAlum

I know I'm not the person you asked, but I'm throwing this out there anyway:

It's weird because most friendships we consider mutually beneficial; both parties get something out of the deal: entertainment, support, networking, whatever.

While you can easily see why an older person serving as a mentor or having a selfless interest in a younger person like a niece or neighbor is beneficial for the kid, when the older person starts to expect whatever usual benefits that we get from friendship in return, that makes the person weird.

A 45 year old man shouldn't turn to 14 year old girls for relationship advice or affirmation, it seems to me.

So if you had several older men who offered you advice and support and you think of them as friends, that's great, but I'd probably classify the relationship a little differently. If you actually hung out with 45 year old men, and they relied on you for companionship and whatever 45 year old guys talk about and do with their friends, it would seem a little weird.

ETA: it's odd that all I can come up with 45 year old guys doing for friendship involves golf or talking about landscaping or doing stuff with their wives. How sad is that?

Yep, well said. Friendships are supposed to be equal.

The 14 year old might think it's cool to hang out with older people, but I think it's odd that a 40 year old would find it enjoyable to hang out with 14 year olds...what does a 14 year old have to offer a 40 year old? I'd have to believe that it was sexual, honestly. I guess I just wouldn't trust any 40 year old that wants to hang out with 14 year olds. Especially alone.

[James]

I wasn't precisely an average person by any means, but I had older members of both sexes as friends to one degree or another at that age. They invited me over for dinners or to just talk.

No one made a pass at me that I noticed, and I was much more comfortable talking about adult issues than some run of the mill kids stuff.

I had no trouble speaking fluently and comfortably with someone regardless of their age. In fact a lot of my friends were always significantly older than I was, often by decades.

This girl seems like she was a bit of a prodigy in running, which would have created a certain fascinating element to her. Maybe she was extremely bright also.

I don't know, I was never a "kid" in the way that a lot of you seemed to have experienced being, or else believe that people below the age of 18 are.

I can also say that I know people that are 18 that are interesting and well rounded and I know 40 and 50 year olds that are utterly uninteresting and have not much substance. It really depends.

I think a lot of you may be overly swayed by generalizations as well as shoulds and woulds.

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

Yep, well said. Friendships are supposed to be equal.

The 14 year old might think it's cool to hang out with older people, but I think it's odd that a 40 year old would find it enjoyable to hang out with 14 year olds...what does a 14 year old have to offer a 40 year old? I'd have to believe that it was sexual, honestly. I guess I just wouldn't trust any 40 year old that wants to hang out with 14 year olds. Especially alone.

[SWTXBelle]

James - the difference would seem to be that you had MANY friends, whom your parents probably knew, and apparently it never crossed the line from friendship into romance. That's good. Intellectual maturity is not the same thing as emotional or sexual maturity. No one would have a problem with a 40 year old coach mentoring a star athelete - but marrying her is a different ball of wax. I'm not much on 14 - 16 year olds getting married, even to each other. Can it work? Yes. Is it likely? No.
A normal 40 year old man should not be looking to young girls for romantic relationships. Hey, at least let them get out of high school!