40 y.o. track coach marries his student :(

[Thetagirl218]

Originally Posted by James

Why are they creeps?

Honest question. If you like someone and its legal why is it creepy to date them? If you believe in the concept of love . . maybe that is their true love. I dunno, its not for me, but I don't think of it as inherently creepy.

No offense to your family's history that you talked about earlier, but in today's world, I don't think 16 year olds really know what love is enough to settle down and get married. In this case the sexual relations started when the girl was 14, that is a coach taking advatage of a young girl. 16 year old girls want to be loved and if they feel they are loved by a boyfriend no matter what the age, they wil do what ever it takes to keep that love. This girl isn't thinking about her furture, she could have gone to college or pursued a career instead of being married to her old highschool couch and proabaly having a a kid by the time she is 18. Its just plain sad!

[Taualumna]

What kind of name is Windy?

[PeppyGPhiB]

The age difference doesn't bug me as much as the fact that he is a pedophile. Hell, my boyfriend is 11 years older than me. The article says this guy started paying "special attention" to her when she was 14. That is a child! That's 8th grade in my state!

Yeah, they may be just getting married now, but the relationship has been going on for a while, and sorry, that is sick.

[kstar]

Originally Posted by Taualumna

What kind of name is Windy?

It is usually spelled Wendy, and was originally short for Gwendolyn.

[Lady Pi Phi]

Originally Posted by kstar

It is usually spelled Wendy, and was originally short for Gwendolyn.

Somehow I don't think her name is a variation on the spelling of Wendy.

I don't think we can say that a couple who has such a larg age gap between them is doomed to fail. I know a few couple who have 20 some odd years between them and they are very happy.

Let's say they really do love each other, I don't know why he wouldn't wait till she was at least 18 to get married? This leaves me to believe that this guy is a total creep.

[Jill1228]

Originally Posted by AGDLynn

Okay, let the betting start on how short this marriage will last.

Yup and start betting how fast she starts popping out kids

Originally Posted by James

Oh this isn't meant as disapproval but I thought it was funny:

HILARIOUS! I like that one

Originally Posted by Educatingblue

My husband said the same thing. I blame her parents for signing.

When I read the article the first thing that popped in my mind is they (the girls family) are probably very conservative, live in a sheltered community, and probably wanted her married if they knew she had sex.

She manipulated her parents because they allowed her to. What is this "I am not going to talk to you until you sign" bullshit? Their hands were forced? Puh-leeze

[UGAalum94]

I should amend my statement:

When both parties are clearly adults and at the same basic stage of life, the same number of years might not be a big age difference. A 30 year old dating a 45 year old, a sixty year old dating a 75 year old, whatev.

When we're talking about relationships that started back in the past when people often quit school to go to work before they'd be out of high school today, I don't think someone dating a 16 year old girls was quite as weird (also because everyone in town was likely to know the guy and know if he was a creep). People took on full adult responsibility earlier; sociological studies I think bear our the idea that people are taking longer to be independent today than we used to, which implies that younger people were actually more mature in the past.

That said, dating a teenager today when you are in your thirties or older is almost always weird and creepy. Something is likely wrong with you developmentally if you continue to date people who are teenagers long after you're not a teenagers yourself. You should be more mature and the fact that a teen would be so easily manipulated by you or is still interested in high school stuff should turn you off if you're normal.

For every case today where it might be true love under unusual circumstances, I'll show you 20 where there's something wrong with the older party (and maybe the younger as well).

[Rudey]

Your statement is beyond ridiculous. A 30 year old and a 45 year old have nothing in common. They are at completely different stages in life. The same can be said of a 22 year old right out of college and a 26 year old. That's 4 years of real life adult living that separates them. I've been with young girls and old cougars, and the only reason has been sexual on my part. But girls pull off some BS argument about how they mature faster than men (not even an argument since most women can't back it up) and that older men are mature (yeah a 45 year old who hasn't been in a long term relationship is real mature). If you ask me the older guy wants fresh puss and the younger girl wants cash.

If there's something wrong with a 40 year old and a 14 year old, then there's something wrong with someone that magically crosses the 18 year old divide. Plus that divide is a legal one and in this case it's legal, so it shouldn't be a problem right?

-Rudey

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

I should amend my statement:

When both parties are clearly adults and at the same basic stage of life, the same number of years might not be a big age difference. A 30 year old dating a 45 year old, a sixty year old dating a 75 year old, whatev.

When we're talking about relationships that started back in the past when people often quit school to go to work before they'd be out of high school today, I don't think someone dating a 16 year old girls was quite as weird (also because everyone in town was likely to know the guy and know if he was a creep). People took on full adult responsibility earlier; sociological studies I think bear our the idea that people are taking longer to be independent today than we used to, which implies that younger people were actually more mature in the past.

That said, dating a teenager today when you are in your thirties or older is almost always weird and creepy. Something is likely wrong with you developmentally if you continue to date people who are teenagers long after you're not a teenagers yourself. You should be more mature and the fact that a teen would be so easily manipulated by you or is still interested in high school stuff should turn you off if you're normal.

For every case today where it might be true love under unusual circumstances, I'll show you 20 where there's something wrong with the older party (and maybe the younger as well).

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by Thetagirl218

16 year old girls want to be loved and if they feel they are loved by a boyfriend no matter what the age, they wil do what ever it takes to keep that love.

Yeah, that pretty much goes along with what I was saying earlier. When I was 15, I dated a guy who was 20 (he was the older brother of one of my friends), and I'm sure at the time, I would have married him if I had the chance, because I was 15 and didn't know any better.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by Thetagirl218

No offense to your family's history that you talked about earlier, but in today's world, I don't think 16 year olds really know what love is enough to settle down and get married. In this case the sexual relations started when the girl was 14, that is a coach taking advatage of a young girl. 16 year old girls want to be loved and if they feel they are loved by a boyfriend no matter what the age, they wil do what ever it takes to keep that love. This girl isn't thinking about her furture, she could have gone to college or pursued a career instead of being married to her old highschool couch and proabaly having a a kid by the time she is 18. Its just plain sad!

I didn't get from the article that they were having sex when they were 14, just that they developed a friendship when she was 14. I don't see anything that weird about that.

I know an older couple that married when the wife was 15. Still married and happy many years later. You note that in today's world 16 year olds aren't ready, but it really depends on the 16 year old, IMO. There are people of all ages who aren't ready for marriage and relationships.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

I didn't get from the article that they were having sex when they were 14, just that they developed a friendship when she was 14. I don't see anything that weird about that.

I so disagree. I think it's completely inappropriate for a 38 year old man to have a "friendship" with a 14 year old girl. He can be friendly to her, as a neighbor might be, but to be real friends with her? Not appropriate.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

I so disagree. I think it's completely inappropriate for a 38 year old man to have a "friendship" with a 14 year old girl. He can be friendly to her, as a neighbor might be, but to be real friends with her? Not appropriate.

Yep.

And if he knows her and has occasion to interact with her because of school, track, a club, youth group, whatever, than his agreement to work with her in a mentoring way should mean that he never "dates" her.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

I so disagree. I think it's completely inappropriate for a 38 year old man to have a "friendship" with a 14 year old girl. He can be friendly to her, as a neighbor might be, but to be real friends with her? Not appropriate.

I'm just curious (not trying to be argumentative or anything), but why would a friendship be inappropriate? I had older male friends when I was that age, and I don't remember it being any kind of big deal. Maybe my memory is faulty, I don't know.

[UGAalum94]

I know I'm not the person you asked, but I'm throwing this out there anyway:

It's weird because most friendships we consider mutually beneficial; both parties get something out of the deal: entertainment, support, networking, whatever.

While you can easily see why an older person serving as a mentor or having a selfless interest in a younger person like a niece or neighbor is beneficial for the kid, when the older person starts to expect whatever usual benefits that we get from friendship in return, that makes the person weird.

A 45 year old man shouldn't turn to 14 year old girls for relationship advice or affirmation, it seems to me.

So if you had several older men who offered you advice and support and you think of them as friends, that's great, but I'd probably classify the relationship a little differently. If you actually hung out with 45 year old men, and they relied on you for companionship and whatever 45 year old guys talk about and do with their friends, it would seem a little weird.

ETA: it's odd that all I can come up with 45 year old guys doing for friendship involves golf or talking about landscaping or doing stuff with their wives. How sad is that?

[SWTXBelle]

Here's what always mystifies me. As a teacher at both the high school and college levels I can honestly say I never considered any of my students as anything but students. I became friends with some after I had taught them, and our relationship could be on more even ground. I certainly never thought of them sexually. Ew. I just can't understand how teachers - male or female - can't understand that even if you DO find yourself attracted to a student that is a line you do not cross.
How sad and pathetic a person must you be to, in your 40s, look to a teen for a romantic relationship. The poor girl hasn't had a chance to figure out who she is. How many people here would want to be 16 again? And, how many here would feel able to decide to marry at that age. Good Lord! I feel so sorry for her parents (although I still would never have given permission for them to marry). Has the coach been married before, I wonder?