What would raise a yellow, or red flag on a 1st date for you?

[jubilance1922]

Hmmm...I'm really surprised by some of the comments in this thread, especially the ones about family. I guess if that's working for some folks, then keep doing what you're doing. But it seems extremely judgemental to me to deem a person unacceptable because of the actions of their family. I know someone who didn't come from the greatest home life, she had a crack addicted mother, a brother in a gang, and a sister who was a teenage mother. Yet this woman did not fall victim to any of that, in fact, she finished school, got married, and raised 4 beautiful, well adjusted, law-abiding kids. And she did it all without having to cut off her relationships with her family...and her family wound up getting it together because she was such a good influence.

But then again, you don't get to choose your family, and you certain cant change the behavior of another adult.

As for me, the biggest red flag is judgement. I cannot stand a person who feels that they are better than other people, or that the way they choose to live their life is best for everyone. I live my life the way is best for me, and if you don't like it, you are free to move on to someone who is more "moldable".

[southernelle25]

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

Hmmm...I'm really surprised by some of the comments in this thread, especially the ones about family. I guess if that's working for some folks, then keep doing what you're doing. But it seems extremely judgemental to me to deem a person unacceptable because of the actions of their family. I know someone who didn't come from the greatest home life, she had a crack addicted mother, a brother in a gang, and a sister who was a teenage mother. Yet this woman did not fall victim to any of that, in fact, she finished school, got married, and raised 4 beautiful, well adjusted, law-abiding kids. And she did it all without having to cut off her relationships with her family...and her family wound up getting it together because she was such a good influence.

But then again, you don't get to choose your family, and you certain cant change the behavior of another adult.

Dionysus and Munchkin03 mentioned the family drama and control issues that can impact/destroy the relationship. I co-sign those and add that my main issue is with the potential problems my (future) children would have, should I decide to marry the guy. While I may not be marrying his family, I would be bringing a child into it; I want to feel comfortable about doing that. I want my children to be proud of both sides of their family. At a minimum, I want to protect them from having to descend from a family with a history of abuse, addictions, diseases, etc. Moreover, if something should happen to me or my family, I want to know that my children will be raised with a family whose values and traditions I respect.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

Hmmm...I'm really surprised by some of the comments in this thread, especially the ones about family. I guess if that's working for some folks, then keep doing what you're doing. But it seems extremely judgemental to me to deem a person unacceptable because of the actions of their family. I know someone who didn't come from the greatest home life, she had a crack addicted mother, a brother in a gang, and a sister who was a teenage mother. Yet this woman did not fall victim to any of that, in fact, she finished school, got married, and raised 4 beautiful, well adjusted, law-abiding kids. And she did it all without having to cut off her relationships with her family...and her family wound up getting it together because she was such a good influence.

But then again, you don't get to choose your family, and you certain cant change the behavior of another adult.

As for me, the biggest red flag is judgement. I cannot stand a person who feels that they are better than other people, or that the way they choose to live their life is best for everyone. I live my life the way is best for me, and if you don't like it, you are free to move on to someone who is more "moldable".

Jubilance, I totally agree with you in every sense.

Suffice it to say, however, that it's not just GCers that would cut a date/SO loose based on their family background. For a lot of people, the date would have to be VERY special in order to make the family dramarama worth it. I can see it from both sides, I guess, but I agree that it's horribly judgmental to rule out a person before getting to know them just because of what their family is like.

[mulattogyrl]

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

Hmmm...I'm really surprised by some of the comments in this thread, especially the ones about family. I guess if that's working for some folks, then keep doing what you're doing. But it seems extremely judgemental to me to deem a person unacceptable because of the actions of their family. I know someone who didn't come from the greatest home life, she had a crack addicted mother, a brother in a gang, and a sister who was a teenage mother. Yet this woman did not fall victim to any of that, in fact, she finished school, got married, and raised 4 beautiful, well adjusted, law-abiding kids. And she did it all without having to cut off her relationships with her family...and her family wound up getting it together because she was such a good influence.

But then again, you don't get to choose your family, and you certain cant change the behavior of another adult.

As for me, the biggest red flag is judgement. I cannot stand a person who feels that they are better than other people, or that the way they choose to live their life is best for everyone. I live my life the way is best for me, and if you don't like it, you are free to move on to someone who is more "moldable".

I agree with what you said here. And how could I forget that red flag (judgement)? That really gets under my skin.