What would raise a yellow, or red flag on a 1st date for you?

[PrettyBoy]

Let's say you were on a 1st date with someone and everything is going great. The conversation is good, and you're physically attracted to this person. During the conversation what would raise a yellow flag, and what would raise the red flag for you to say: "Oh hell no! There will not be a 2nd date!"

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Let's say you were on a 1st date with someone and everything is going great. The conversation is good, and you're physically attracted to this person. During the conversation what would raise a yellow flag, and what would raise the red flag for you to say: "Oh hell no! There will not be a 2nd date!"

When I dated, my friends and I called them "strikes" (like in baseball). There would be "3 strike violations" and "1 strike violations".

The 1 strike violation would be to ask me to go somewhere on an alleged date that was unsafe, namely the beach in the middle of night. Since I lived in Southern California, there are only a few things that dates can do at the beach at night... None them altruistic and honorable... And I was not into that.

But flags are realitively easy to spot wen you know what you will tolerate for yourself. Everyone will "use" you, it is your duty whether you choose to be "misused"...

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

When I dated, my friends and I called them "strikes" (like in baseball). There would be "3 strike violations" and "1 strike violations".

The 1 strike violation would be to ask me to go somewhere on an alleged date that was unsafe, namely the beach in the middle of night. Since I lived in Southern California, there are only a few things that dates can do at the beach at night... None them altruistic and honorable... And I was not into that.

But flags are realitively easy to spot wen you know what you will tolerate for yourself. Everyone will "use" you, it is your duty whether you choose to be "misused"...

I look for yellow and red flags right off the bat. I usually will call 1st to hear how she talks. If she's ghetto, that is an automatic red flag. Before I even see her, I've determined that there will only be one date. If she talks rather articulate but uses some slang, that's cool, but it depends on the slang. When I meet up with her, I look at her finger nails. If they're long and fake, that's an immeditate red flag. No 2nd date. If she has on tight revealing clothing. Immediate red flag. If she looks great, then I go into conversation. If she can't talk about current world issues, and has no sense of humor, that's a yellow flag. I'll just be a little cautious. Generally I like to meet at a bookstore, so I can see what she's reading when I walk in. That also determines red and yellow flags. The big thing for me is family. I'll ask about her family before I ask about anything else. If her family background is not similar to mine, there won't be a 2nd date. In fact there won't even be a phone call. That family background is 1st priority for me.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I look for yellow and red flags right off the bat. I usually will call 1st to hear how she talks. If she's ghetto, that is an automatic red flag. Before I even see her, I've determined that there will only be one date. If she talks rather articulate but uses some slang, that's cool, but it depends on the slang. When I meet up with her, I look at her finger nails. If they're long and fake, that's an immeditate red flag. No 2nd date. If she has on tight revealing clothing. Immediate red flag. If she looks great, then I go into conversation. If she can't talk about current world issues, and has no sense of humor, that's a yellow flag. I'll just be a little cautious. Generally I like to meet at a bookstore, so I can see what she's reading when I walk in. That also determines red and yellow flags. The big thing for me is family. I'll ask about her family before I ask about anything else. If her family background is not similar to mine, there won't be a 2nd date. In fact there won't even be a phone call. That family background is 1st priority for me.

So if you dislike fake nails, would you date a "nail biter" with little mushroom knubs for fingers?

About familial background--what kind of family "future" do you envision for yourself?

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

So if you dislike fake nails, would you date a "nail biter" with little mushroom knubs for fingers?

About familial background--what kind of family "future" do you envision for yourself?

As crazy as this may sound, I actually like a nail biter . Women like that are so real to me. If she doesn't bite her nails that's cool, it doesn't really matter as long as they're not fake.

As far as family is concerned I just want the family backgrounds to be similar. No, they don't have to be exactly alike, but if they're similar then I think we would have more in common. All the women I've been in serious relationships with have had opposite family backgrounds from mine, and the relationships never worked.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

As far as family is concerned I just want the family backgrounds to be similar. No, they don't have to be exactly alike, but if they're similar then I think we would have more in common. All the women I've been in serious relationships with have had opposite family backgrounds from mine, and the relationships never worked.

Okey, so GC folks are ready to fight with you. You could decide to explain if you'd like...

Some GC folks will agree with you, the "equally yoked" thing again... It matters what is important to you.

The deal is that you have been going after women outside of your desired familial background conditions... Meaning that you have a recruitment problem...

If you think you desire a woman with similar familial heritage as you, you need to go places where these women are... And church is just only ONE viable option... Women who care about family are usually the one's who put the entire Christmas Pageant together and are young... Or they work for campaign headquarters... Or the all of next year's health walks are coming up, they should be on the planning committees--especially for the Komen Race for the Cure in your city... Some powerhouse sistahs are namely school teachers for all levels... And if they are really involved with their craft they will be in graduate school or finish grad school...

There are only ~50 powerhouse sistahs that live in any average sized city... Only NYC or LA or Chicago or Atlanta or DC would have more... So you odds of actually meeting homegirl who is doing the kinds of things in her life and having a desirable familial background is extremely rare...

[_Opi_]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

That family background is 1st priority for me.

No offense, but shouldn't your main priority be on her. You're not really dating her family, you're dating her. I know you got burned in the last relationship (saw your post on the other thread) but it's not healthy to carry baggage from another relationship on to this one. Obviously, you should fit in with the family, no doubt..but at the end of the day, you're building a relationship with "her".


A red flag for me would be someone who is judgmental, especially when it comes to women. He wasn't judging me, but other females. We have common friends, and he described one of them to have gained so much "weight". Red flag was up. It was unfortunate that this was a habitual thing for him. That was such a major turn off. He was a nice guy, but no second date, of course.

[winnieb]

A red flag for me is when he constantly bad mouths the women from previous relationships. We have all had bad relationships but there is no need to go on and on about what a bitch she was.
In my mind, it is just a matter of time before he is bad mouthing me.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by winnieb

A red flag for me is when he constantly bad mouths the women from previous relationships. We have all had bad relationships but there is no need to go on and on about what a bitch she was.
In my mind, it is just a matter of time before he is bad mouthing me.

I agree. I don't like it when women do that either.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by _Opi_

No offense, but shouldn't your main priority be on her. You're not really dating her family, you're dating her. I know you got burned in the last relationship (saw your post on the other thread) but it's not healthy to carry baggage from another relationship on to this one. Obviously, you should fit in with the family, no doubt..but at the end of the day, you're building a relationship with "her".


A red flag for me would be someone who is judgmental, especially when it comes to women. He wasn't judging me, but other females. We have common friends, and he described one of them to have gained so much "weight". Red flag was up. It was unfortunate that this was a habitual thing for him. That was such a major turn off. He was a nice guy, but no second date, of course.

Yes my main priority is her, but if her family is not like mine, it's not going to work. Yes I did get burned, but I don't carry over what happend in my past to current relationships. I look at that as a learning experience. Family is important. Here's an example. In my last realtionship, her family was totally the opposite of mine. She came from an abusive home, and her mother had been married several times. Not her fault and no offense to those who come from backgrounds like this, but anyway we went to one of her family members wedding and I was sitting in this van with her sister's husband and his friend, after a while they started smoking weed. That's not me. Nothing against weed smokers, but I don't like it. She's not a weed smoker, according to what she told me. A lot of things started to come out the longer we were together though. There were so many things I wasn't used to based on the way I was raised. I hated being around her ghetto family. This is one of the things that caused problems in our relationship. Back then I was only looking at her and not her background. Now I look at background. The way I was raised was nothing like her background. Opi I have to disagree with you when it comes to dating and what I think is important. You make some valid points though.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Yes my main priority is her, but if her family is not like mine, it's not going to work. Yes I did get burned, but I don't carry over what happend in my past to current relationships. I look at that as a learning experience. Family is important. Here's an example. In my last realtionship, her family was totally the opposite of mine. She came from an abusive home, and her mother had been married several times. Not her fault and no offense to those who come from backgrounds like this, but anyway we went to one of her family members wedding and I was sitting in this van with her sister's husband and his friend, after a while they started smoking weed. That's not me. Nothing against weed smokers, but I don't like it. She's not a weed smoker, according to what she told me. A lot of things started to come out the longer we were together though. There were so many things I wasn't used to based on the way I was raised. I hated being around her ghetto family. This is one of the things that caused problems in our relationship. Back then I was only looking at her and not her background. Now I look at background. The way I was raised was nothing like her background. Opi I have to disagree with you when it comes to dating and what I think is important. You make some valid points though.

Dude, aside me from saying "I told you so" and "you were only looking at ass"... You can never make a "ho into a housewife"...

You discounted sistahs who you thought were "nerds" and "goofay". They didn't wear the cutest or revealing clothes. You chose ass and booty shaking over brains and beauty... Put it more bluntly, you chose a "Mary Magdelene" rather than the "Heavenly Sarah"... Dealing with a "Magdelene" and having her come to see the "light" is very different than loving a "Heavenly Sarah".

You chose to come under a legally binding "holy matrimonial" with a woman who failed to respect or understand the meaning of being with another human being. You disrespected yourself and your own family.

Really, rather than assessing the young lady's familial background, you need to start to love and respect yourself enough to include a woman who respects and loves you and your familial background...

It's that "let no one put asunder" and that "leaving and cleaving unto your mate".

[southernelle25]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Let's say you were on a 1st date with someone and everything is going great. The conversation is good, and you're physically attracted to this person. During the conversation what would raise a yellow flag, and what would raise the red flag for you to say: "Oh hell no! There will not be a 2nd date!"

Red Flag Moments

I agree with you. IF the family background is not similar to mine, there won't be a 2nd date. IF he is white and informs me that he was once a dues-paying member of the KKK, it is over right then; and what Scandia said... IF he shows disrespect for women and disregard for "no", and dislikes puppies, these are all red flags.

Many past "sexual exploits"? Divorced?, Kids? All red flags. IF I find out he is a recovering alcoholic/drug addict,.... I am .

Yellow Flags include belonging to a different denomination, not opening the door for me, not listening to me, not paying, and not being a citizen of my country.

[laylo]

One of my goals in life is to break the line of my family's ways and to give my own children a completely different family life from the one I had; In fact I wonder whether I'm even going to let my future kids spend time with certain relatives. It's sad to know that some men wouldn't even give me that chance by judging me by my family. anyway...

yellow flags:
-playing music or suggesting movies that are degrading to women
-blatantly showing off wealth or talking a lot about money
-telling me I'm too quiet (noticing that I'm quiet is fine, but if he's acting like its a big problem, I'm not the one for him)

red flags:
-using language himself that is degrading to women
-trying to get sexual after I've made it clear that I don't want to
-badmouthing Christianity
-not being able to discuss current affairs/social issues or having views that are too different from mine

I might think of more later.

[PrettyBoy]

I forgot to mention tatoos and body pearcings are both red flags for me too. Everytime she tries to call she'll get the v-mail and no return call. And then I'll press the delete button.

No purple, pink, yellow ect hair either. All red flags.

Fake hair? Definite yellow flag, but after I got home and had time to dwell on it, it would turn into a red flag.

I once dated a girl and we went back to her place, once we got there she took her pony tail off. I looked at her, then I looked at the pony tail.
I had to cut her a loose. She tried to call, and I never returned her call, and then I would avoid her when I would see her on campus.

[southernelle25]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I forgot to mention tatoos and body pearcings are both red flags for me too. Everytime she tries to call she'll get the v-mail and no return call. And then I'll press the delete botton.

No purple, pink, yellow ect hair either. All red flags.

Fake hair? Definite yellow flag, but after I got home and had time to dwell on it, it would turn into a red flag.

I once dated a girl and we went back to her place, once we got there she took her pony tail off. I looked at her, then I looked at the pony tail.
I had to cut her a loose. She tried to call, and I never returned her call, and then I would avoid her when I would see her on campus.

You are a trip.