Sorority pledge misbehavior - Page 3

DeltaBetaBaby · #1 09-17-2010, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

In answer to OPs question, yes, new members can be depledged if they are a risk to the chapter.

I really don't think you should make that statement unless you are privvy to the policies of every chapter at which the OP's daughter could possibly be a pledge.

knight_shadow · #2 09-17-2010, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I really don't think you should make that statement unless you are privvy to the policies of every chapter at which the OP's daughter could possibly be a pledge.

To be fair, she did say that they CAN be depledged, not that they WILL be depledged. I think that's accurate.

gee_ess · #3 09-17-2010, 09:49 AM

This

Quote:

First, to the OP, this truly is something your daughter needs to handle since there really isn't anything you as her mother can do about it. I would suggest that she and her group of friends request a meeting with the president or standards officer and take it from there

And this

Quote:

I am sure, however, she simply complained to her mom in passing and didn't expect her to actually attempt to DO anything about it.

I think OP is just asking us about the situation. She didn't say she was making calls or demanding bids be revoked. Her daughter probably called upset and over-dramatized the situation. Now mom is asking, "is this typical? are there repercussions? etc"

Also, by my calendar, it is just about time for new members to leave the honeymoon period (if they pledged before school started). School is getting tougher, no one is kissing the pledges' rears telling them how great they are 24/7. For parents, this is the time that many have to become a cheerleader for their freshman. Sounds like this is what is happening with OP's daughter.

I don't think the OP went overboard - she is just venting after listening to daughter.

AZTheta · #4 09-17-2010, 10:15 AM

Just read the entire thread. My take:

1) The second post in this thread by Dr. Phil = Agree/Win/Yes etc.

2) The OP never said anything about "paying for school"; how/why does that enter into the discussion and become any sort of factor? We don't know anything about the finances, and it isn't relevant to the OP's question(s). Further, does paying for something give someone the right to control everything? Don't think so. IMO if the daughter is cutting classes and failing everything, then yank the financial backing. I was a crazy party animal (hard to believe, I know) but my GPA rocked, because my dad was footing the undergraduate bills and that was our agreement. My GPA went below a 3.5, school was over for me on his dime. POWERFUL incentive to do well.

3) Chapter Business, folks. Chapter Business. Trust the process. It works.

4) Let Go, OP, Let Go. Your daughter's experience is tuition in the School of Life.

Tulip86 · #5 09-17-2010, 03:47 PM

Same here, by parents pay for my education, but they don't want to know all of the details, they just ask if the NM's are nice and if we have any nice mixers planned

Eightisgreat · #6 09-17-2010, 04:26 PM

Not to "take sides" here, but I do see the value in a multitude of the questions and responses here. The way that I interpreted the OP's questions were that of a mom who took a call from a frustrated child and as a parent she is simply trying to wrap her head around the workings of Greek Life. If the OP was never Greek, she would have no idea whatsoever as to how matters of discipline or unrest are settled. As the mother of eight children and 4 of which are either in college or finished with college, it was all a work in progress for me and I certainly do not have the time or the energy to be a helicopter, much less an eight passenger one. I was Greek and understand that life is not always as pretty as the fabulous portraits painted during rush. The daughter is certainly in the learning curve of sisterhood;and probably, based on the mother coming here, completely at odds or at a loss with the process. So she turned to her mom for advice and the Mom of course, not knowing how to advise daughter, came here looking for support and understanding. My four oldest are all boys, some Greek, some not, but I do have a daughter whom I am extremely close who will be rushing next year. She uses me as a sounding board and as a major part of of her support system, I would want to be educated to the general workings of a situation before giving her any feedback. Why advise on something you know nothing about? If I told her to go her president and spill her guts, it could be the wrong advice not knowing the chain of command, etc. So I think the OP was looking for general information, not trying to "fix" the problem for her child. I think it is hard for some people on the outside looking in to realize that a parent can have an extremely close relationship (especially mothers & daughters) without the mother being a helicopter. It is typical for my daughter to just send a text that says "I love you..hope you having a good day" a few times a week...my older boys...I hear from most when, 1. They need money, 2. They need life changing advice or 3. A girl has pissed them off. So I understand the why the OP came her seeking to understand the process.

33girl · #7 09-17-2010, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eightisgreat

If the OP was never Greek, she would have no idea whatsoever as to how matters of discipline or unrest are settled.

It's really not a Greek specific question. The same thing could be happening with a sports team or in the dorm and the same answer would still apply: Butt out.

gee_ess · #8 09-17-2010, 05:59 PM

I agree with EightisGreat.

musicmom · #9 09-17-2010, 06:11 PM

As do I, she "got it"...daughter upset, mom hundreds of miles away, and no one else to talk to. I'll take my lashes for originally posting. But those of you with teens know they post their lives on facebook and other sights, so not much is confidential to them.
My Daughter was not the party girl as some of you suggest. She is being held accountable though, and not fond of getting called out over someone else's actions. I told her to consider the age of the officers, and basically they are 22 year olds running a "company" of 200+ employees (girls). Maybe their management style is not fully developed.

Evidently this post hit a nerve, and maybe it needs to be discussed, but as far as I'm concerned we can put a fork in it...it's done

I appreciate the constructive remarks, and will take the others with a grain of salt. I had no intentions of calling the house and several other scenarios mentioned. Just venting to those who have been there, done that.

gee_ess · #10 09-17-2010, 10:11 PM

She didn't butt in...she just came to a Greek specific board to inquire about procedure/policy. She was not asking us what to do or how to do it. She was not insisting that someone fix it. She was, essentially, venting...no harm.

I didn't see heli-mom behavior. I saw "inquiring minds want to know" behavior.

DrPhil · #11 09-17-2010, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gee_ess

She didn't butt in...she just came to a Greek specific board to inquire about procedure/policy. She was not asking us what to do or how to do it. She was not insisting that someone fix it. She was, essentially, venting...no harm.

I didn't see heli-mom behavior. I saw "inquiring minds want to know" behavior.

I call this butting in.

greekalum · #12 09-17-2010, 10:40 PM

Butting in would be calling the chapter and demanding answers from the chapter president. Or adviser. Or HQ.

DrPhil · #13 09-17-2010, 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greekalum

Butting in would be calling the chapter and demanding answers from the chapter president. Or adviser. Or HQ.

And creating a thread on GC about your daughter.

Butting in doesn't have to go so far as "helicoptering." Are people really pretending that they've never heard someone being told to "butt out" when they act a little too concerned or act too impacted by something? Sons and daughters tell their parents to butt out all the time when they get tired of the concern and the advice. That obviously hasn't happened in this instance but that's why there's now a thread and some of us are responding as we are.

gee_ess · #14 09-17-2010, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Butting in doesn't have to go so far as "helicoptering." Are people really pretending that they've never heard someone being told to "butt out" when they act a little too concerned or act too impacted by something? Sons and daughters tell their parents to butt out all the time when they get tired of the concern and the advice. That obviously hasn't happened in this instance but that's why there's now a thread and some of us are responding as we are.

I totally agree with you on the concept of someone needing to "butt out." I just don't think this mom really butted in. I actually thought she was coming on here so she could avoid butting in because by asking for info in this format, she could find out what she needed to know without going to a chapter advisor, etc for answers.

I am, now, butting out of this thread.

DrPhil · #15 09-17-2010, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gee_ess

I totally agree with you on the concept of someone needing to "butt out." I just don't think this mom really butted in. I actually thought she was coming on here so she could avoid butting in because by asking for info in this format, she could find out what she needed to know without going to a chapter advisor, etc for answers.

So, she wanted to go beyond what her daughter has shared with her and go above her daughter to find out some info (or vent). LOL. I call that butting in.