Sorority pledge misbehavior

[33girl]

There are threads that make you laughsnort before you even open them, just from the title. This is such a thread.

Unless the sorority is attempting to enforce a dry pledgeship - which has been recognized as hazing since the 1970s - and unless the girls are wearing their letters and representing their getting together as a sorority event, the sorority really can't do squat. Just because you pledge a sorority does not mean they can control every minute of your day. I think the real issue here is that there's a division in the pledge class.

And yes, I realize these girls can be punished for drinking underage - but if that occurs, then every pledge AND sister that drinks underage needs to have the same punishment.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Splash

The fact of the matter is, since it's her money (if she is in fact paying), if she doesn't like what's going on, she can stop paying in 2 seconds.

Of course she can. But that doesn't equal the right to stick her own nose in chapter business, which is what people are criticizing here.

If mom stops paying, then daughter can decide if and how to pay for it herself.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by 33girl

There are threads that make you laughsnort before you even open them, just from the title. This is such a thread.

Unless the sorority is attempting to enforce a dry pledgeship - which has been recognized as hazing since the 1970s - and unless the girls are wearing their letters and representing their getting together as a sorority event, the sorority really can't do squat. Just because you pledge a sorority does not mean they can control every minute of your day. I think the real issue here is that there's a division in the pledge class.

And yes, I realize these girls can be punished for drinking underage - but if that occurs, then every pledge AND sister that drinks underage needs to have the same punishment.

First, to the OP, this truly is something your daughter needs to handle since there really isn't anything you as her mother can do about it. I would suggest that she and her group of friends request a meeting with the president or standards officer and take it from there.

As to paying for it=privy to it...my parents paid for my membership, but my mother never asked for information on internal affairs (probably because she is Greek and knows better). I believe they have a right to know what they're paying for and would have been glad to show my parents the breakdown of dues and where the money went. But that's it.

A dry pledgeship is hazing unless every sister, both new member and active, is held to those standards and somehow I doubt they are unless it is something required by nationals. However something my mother told me before I joined was that sororities do have some amount of control over your life. You can be sanctioned or expelled for bad/illegal behavior. If Active Amy is drinking underage at her apartment with one other sister who isn't going to tell on her and Nancy New Member is underage, dancing on stage at the bar with a beer in hand, it's going to be Nancy who finds herself in trouble. Fair or not. Discretion is key.

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

I think it's a matter of "my daughter shouldn't be punished for something that someone else did".

It happens all the time. In elementary school, someone throws a spitball, but the whole class gets in trouble. On sports teams, someone screws up a play, and the whole team has to do laps. In high school, three people steal a copy of the test and the entire class has to re-take it. You work in a restaurant where you pool tips (all tips are collected and divided), and one sucky worker who gets rotten tips ends up reducing each person's portion.

It happens everywhere. There's a reason and a purpose. Can you - Splash or OP - not see that?

That doesn't make it right. No one said life is fair, but I do not believe in treating an entire group badly for the mistakes of one or two members. I would have had a problem with it as a new member were I in this girl's situation. On the other hand, I would have gotten a few girls who agreed with me and gone to an officer to talk about my concerns.

[AOEforme]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

That doesn't make it right. No one said life is fair, but I do not believe in treating an entire group badly for the mistakes of one or two members. I would have had a problem with it as a new member were I in this girl's situation. On the other hand, I would have gotten a few girls who agreed with me and gone to an officer to talk about my concerns.

I totally agree that it doesn't make it right, but that's how life is. Right now, I'm in medical school and when one student in our class screws up (not preparing for case studies, leaving the lab messy, etc.) our entire class pays for one person's mistake.

It isn't ideal nor is it "right" but it's how the "real world" is.

I do agree that musicmom's daughter has every reason to be irritated if she really is innocent. I am sure, however, she simply complained to her mom in passing and didn't expect her to actually attempt to DO anything about it.

After all, I have complained to my mother, just in conversation, about things both in my chapter and currently, in medical school. I would have been beyond mortified if my mother had decided to take those simple pieces of conversation and post them on a message board for all the world to see.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by AOEforme

I totally agree that it doesn't make it right, but that's how life is. Right now, I'm in medical school and when one student in our class screws up (not preparing for case studies, leaving the lab messy, etc.) our entire class pays for one person's mistake.

It isn't ideal nor is it "right" but it's how the "real world" is.

I do agree that musicmom's daughter has every reason to be irritated if she really is innocent. I am sure, however, she simply complained to her mom in passing and didn't expect her to actually attempt to DO anything about it.

After all, I have complained to my mother, just in conversation, about things both in my chapter and currently, in medical school. I would have been beyond mortified if my mother had decided to take those simple pieces of conversation and post them on a message board for all the world to see.

I just don't see anything wrong with her and her friends who are innocent attempting to talk to the powers that be in the chapter. It might be how the "real world" works and yes, sororities are definitely supposed to help you prepare for that, but it is a sisterhood.

Agree that it would be very inconvenient for me had my mother talked piblically about all the things I coplained to her about in the years I was an active. She was my sounding board when I was frustrated since she is Greek and could offer objective advice (one example: Stop sweating the small stuff and remember this is a group of 18-22 year old women. They WILL behave childishly at times, and so will you. That was a good thing to remember.)

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

However something my mother told me before I joined was that sororities do have some amount of control over your life. You can be sanctioned or expelled for bad/illegal behavior. If Active Amy is drinking underage at her apartment with one other sister who isn't going to tell on her and Nancy New Member is underage, dancing on stage at the bar with a beer in hand, it's going to be Nancy who finds herself in trouble. Fair or not. Discretion is key.

This is true. But it is her doing it in public that makes her a target for discipline, not her new member status.

I would like to know what "partying" entails as nebbymom wrote in her original post. If that's all it is - a faction of the pledge class sitting around someone's apartment and having a beer - or even a faction of girls going out to a party together - IMO the pledge trainer is way out of line for bitching at them to begin with. Is it rude to divide up like that? Yes. Does it happen all the time (especially at a school w/ ginormous pledge classes)? Yes.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by 33girl

This is true. But it is her doing it in public that makes her a target for discipline, not her new member status.

I would like to know what "partying" entails as nebbymom wrote in her original post. If that's all it is - a faction of the pledge class sitting around someone's apartment and having a beer - or even a faction of girls going out to a party together - IMO the pledge trainer is way out of line for bitching at them to begin with. Is it rude to divide up like that? Yes. Does it happen all the time (especially at a school w/ ginormous pledge classes)? Yes.

I'm willing to bet it's some ridiculous hard partying. I can believe that, because it's so easy to get wrapped up in partying that first semester of college and carry it too far. There's a difference between everyone going out to a party and having a few beers and girls going out, getting trashed, and getting into ridiculous shenanigans.

[greekalum]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

I'm willing to bet it's some ridiculous hard partying. I can believe that, because it's so easy to get wrapped up in partying that first semester of college and carry it too far. There's a difference between everyone going out to a party and having a few beers and girls going out, getting trashed, and getting into ridiculous shenanigans.

And considering one university had 8 sorority new members hospitalized their first night out this year, I think it's worth taking seriously.

[Barbie's_Rush]

Mommy only knows what "DD" told her and we know daughters NEVER stretch the truth with their helis. Mommy is just pissed she has no control of the situation. Personally it sounds to me that DD is not the most popular member of the pledge class and isn't getting invited to things because she has a stick up her ass. And that has her upset.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

Mommy only knows what "DD" told her and we know daughters NEVER stretch the truth with their helis. Mommy is just pissed she has no control of the situation. Personally it sounds to me that DD is not the most popular member of the pledge class and isn't getting invited to things because she has a stick up her ass. And that has her upset.

That's a whole lot of assumption based on little information.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by 33girl

This is true. But it is her doing it in public that makes her a target for discipline, not her new member status.

I would like to know what "partying" entails as nebbymom wrote in her original post. If that's all it is - a faction of the pledge class sitting around someone's apartment and having a beer - or even a faction of girls going out to a party together - IMO the pledge trainer is way out of line for bitching at them to begin with. Is it rude to divide up like that? Yes. Does it happen all the time (especially at a school w/ ginormous pledge classes)? Yes.

It can happen with small pledge classes, too.

Then again, I pledged "old school" when you "rise together, you fall together" was standard.

Originally Posted by AzTheta

Just read the entire thread. My take:

<snip>

3) Chapter Business, folks. Chapter Business. Trust the process. It works.

4) Let Go, OP, Let Go. Your daughter's experience is tuition in the School of Life.

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