More Men are Marrying Wealthier Women

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

THIS.

And I don't want anyone to think I'm a gold digger or anything like that, because I'm not. I wasn't trying to be condescending at all, it's just that a guy without some kind of ambition to me is lazy. I hate lazy people. Seriously. I mean, at least make enough money to be able to support yourself. Working at McDonalds, Scrubway, Taco Hell, etc. etc. alone is not going to pay the bills and it definitely will not provide for a family. When I get married and he gets laid off or something and has to work two or three jobs, then I'm o.k. with that, but I would hope that he's tryng to do something to get back on his feet. I'm just trying to be realistic, that's all I'm doing. A lot of people say they would be o.k. with people doing this or someone doing that in a marriage, but really, when the responsibility sets in, then what? I'm sorry, but if I met a guy and he said he worked at McDonalds, I'm going to ask "doing what?" and if he's my age or in his 30s and he's a "french fry engineer" or whatever the title is now, or he's not in school, or trying to work his way up the ladder at McDonald's then I'm going to wonder why is this guy who's in my age group, not in school, or not doing anything else to try and better himself? If he's a nice guy then he can be nice for some other girl. I guess I'll miss out on a sweet, genuine guy. I seriously would rather be single. However, I don't mind if he's making less than me, I really don't, as long as I feel financially secure with him. When I'm all done with school and everything else that I plan on doing, he probably will be making less than me, and that's o.k. but I'm not going to take care of kids and an adult guy who works fast food jobs. Sorry.

And I agree. It's not about being a gold digger, it's about meeting someone close to where you are just in case one stumbles the other can pick up some of the slack

[starang21]

i wonder if this and the divorce rate are in any way related?

LOL.

either way. go smart chicks.

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Regardless of who makes more, BOTH still need to be bringing in a steady income.

I disagree.

If one spouse makes enough money for the family to live comfortably, then there's no reason why the other spouse needs to be bringing in a steady income, if any income at all.

Having a housewife or househusband allows the couple to have the day to day stuff taken care of without intruding on the family's time together. Said housewives and househusbands (hws and hhs) aren't necessarily unambitious, either. For instance, I've seen hws and hhs who are huge assets to their communities because of the volunteer work they do.

Originally Posted by starang21

i wonder if this and the divorce rate are in any way related?

I don't have any hard stats to cite, but I've heard that the likelihood of divorce is directly proportional to the education level of the woman (assuming the highest education level was attained before the marriage). The higher the education, the less likely the marriage would result in divorce.

Then again, I've Heard and They Say are the biggest liars in town, so take that for what you will.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

I disagree.

If one spouse makes enough money for the family to live comfortably, then there's no reason why the other spouse needs to be bringing in a steady income, if any income at all.

True on that point.

I misspoke.

If a spouse is making just enough to cover the bills then both should be making steady incomes to do more than 'just cover'.

Question: What about in cases when one is making enough (or more than enough) to cover all expenses but the other wants to work for the sake of being busy? Not necessarily volunteer work but in their career field. What are your thoughts on that?

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Question: What about in cases when one is making enough (or more than enough) to cover all expenses but the other wants to work for the sake of being busy? Not necessarily volunteer work but in their career field. What are your thoughts on that?

I have no problem with that at all. In fact, I think that's an ideal situation.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Question: What about in cases when one is making enough (or more than enough) to cover all expenses but the other wants to work for the sake of being busy? Not necessarily volunteer work but in their career field. What are your thoughts on that?

This was the case of my parents. When my dad made the move from teaching to administration, my mom didn't "need" to work anymore. But, she loved her job, felt like she was contributing to the household, and in the end lived a very busy and happy career and personal life.

Had something ever happened to my dad, though, we would have been able to survive, but not by much.

Right now, between live-in and I, we just cover all of our bills. Of course, things are going well for him at work so that won't be the case for too long. I think, though, that as long as I'm legally able to work (this may only make sense to a handful of people on GC) I will probably work, even if I don't make much, because I feel like I would be contributing to the household.

My parents were in a very similar financial situation whenever they got married, but the education was on the other side (my dad had the Master's, my mom had the Bachelor's). It'd be interesting to see which of us is the primary "breadwinner" down the line, but I think it'll probably be live-in, mostly because his "industry" is growing and is expected to grow for quite some time, whereas mine is fairly static.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

I disagree.

If one spouse makes enough money for the family to live comfortably, then there's no reason why the other spouse needs to be bringing in a steady income, if any income at all.

Having a housewife or househusband allows the couple to have the day to day stuff taken care of without intruding on the family's time together. Said housewives and househusbands (hws and hhs) aren't necessarily unambitious, either. For instance, I've seen hws and hhs who are huge assets to their communities because of the volunteer work they do.



I don't have any hard stats to cite, but I've heard that the likelihood of divorce is directly proportional to the education level of the woman (assuming the highest education level was attained before the marriage). The higher the education, the less likely the marriage would result in divorce.

Then again, I've Heard and They Say are the biggest liars in town, so take that for what you will.

This is where I disagree. I very easily could have a househusband. I have told my DH in no uncertain terms that no matter what he does or how much he makes, he has to work 5 days a week like I do. Otherwise, he'd sit at home, spend money and GET NOTHING DONE! Maybe having a houseWIFE would be useful but not my DH! Not to mention, I didn't rack up my husband's educational debt so he can work to pay that off-- hell he had a full scholarship to med school and still has as much debt from student loans as I do ( I just lived more frugally!)

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

This is where I disagree. I very easily could have a househusband. I have told my DH in no uncertain terms that no matter what he does or how much he makes, he has to work 5 days a week like I do. Otherwise, he'd sit at home, spend money and GET NOTHING DONE! Maybe having a houseWIFE would be useful but not my DH! Not to mention, I didn't rack up my husband's educational debt so he can work to pay that off-- hell he had a full scholarship to med school and still has as much debt from student loans as I do ( I just lived more frugally!)

That just sounds like sour grapes, the I-have-to-do-it-so-you-do-too mindset.

Regardless, my comment about the benefit of hws and hhs was more of a general point. It goes without saying that not every husband or wife is cut out to be a hh or hw (and that not every husband or wife is cut out to have a hh or hw).

[Lasonja]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Beagy Zielinski is a German-born 28-year-old stylist who moved to New York to study fashion in 1995 and stayed. Just before Christmas, she broke up with her blue-collar boyfriend, who repaired Navy ships.

“He was extremely insecure about my career and how successful I am,” Ms. Zielinski said.

An analysis of census data to be released Tuesday by the Pew Research Center found that she and countless women like her are victims of a role reversal that is profoundly affecting the pool of potential marriage partners.

This is the problem I'm having with my man, now. I think it's hard for a lot of men to swallow their pride, but this is what it is now. Eventually, based on the way things are going now, the number of educated higher paid women are going increase. It already is that way with black couples.

[Lasonja]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

and again this is based on the age old concept of men being the hunters, the breadwinner, the ones that are supposed to take care of the family.


People have to be able to wake up and redefine what "family' is supposed to be now.

MY question to you is, if this is a problem that you are currently having, what are you doing to solve it?

He doesn't think I depend on him for anything. I'm very independent, and he's always known that about me so it's not brand new. He's insecure that I'm starting my masters program in the fall. It is a problem but I can't fix it all by myself.

[christiangirl]

I feel like I just read 4 pages of "But that's what I just said!" and "I agree with that."

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

I would say that IMO at the end of the day, if the bills are paid and we are struggling, what difference does it make?

I could care less what a guy does for a living. If he's the fry guy at McDonald's but treats me well, does electrical/mechanical/carpentry things around the house I don't have a CLUE how to do, and is a good and involved father, well yes I do want fries with that. I'd rather have that than the guy who works 80 hours a week.

Working in what some would call a "dead end job" is not an indicator of lack of ambition or responsibility, if they show responsibility in other areas.

[DrPhil]

Yeah, what people like cheerfulgreek (I kid, I kid ) don't grasp is you can not want a significant other outside of a particular education and/or income bracket without making hugely insulting judgments on those who do HONEST jobs.

But, it is still the case that there is a such thing as low wage labor and dead end jobs despite hard work and some level of ambition. We have to be realistic about that and know what to expect and what not to expect based on that reality.

ETA: Also, the options for many of us aren't "fry guy who treats you right and knows how to do shit" OR "80 hrs a week guy who's a total neglectful asshole who's good for nothing but work." LOL. That's so dichotomous.

[33girl]

Oh, I know that's two extremes. For that matter, there can be 20 hour a week fry guys obsessed with their work and good for nothing. Was just trying to point out that success means all kinds of different things, not just putting on a suit and making $100k.

[kathryn123]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

hell. no.

But seriously, reading the article and reading you ladies' responses, I am inclined to agree. Women fought long and hard to 'be equal' to men so now that a lot are achieving this, then the next thing one would have to do is get used to the idea of possibly marrying someone that may not be on the same footing with them financially, the question for men still is can we swallow our pride and deal with a woman who does make more than we do?

I would say that IMO at the end of the day, if the bills are paid and we are struggling, what difference does it make?

We aren't living in the same world where at one time the man was the breadwinner (hunter gatherer) and the women stayed at home. it's enough trying to get along on your own let alone someone else so we all have to adjust to the roles that we take up in our relationships and focus on what else makes it work besides finance.

At the same time let's not equate making more money with taking care of someone else. Regardless of who makes more, BOTH still need to be bringing in a steady income.

I'm okay with earning my own keep, or probably earning more than my partner.. what I won't negotiate is dating with a dingbat who'll make me a cash cow... No way,bebe!!!Lazy dope has to go