More Men are Marrying Wealthier Women

[DaemonSeid]

I think also what we all really need to define here is at what limit will people (women more specifically since that is the focus of the article) put on marry someone who is not on the same income level as they are?

I mean are we talking about the woman as CEO dating the janitor or the owner of the janitorial company.


The doctor marrying the fry guy or the owner of a chain of fast food joints (interesting conflict of interest here also....LOL)

Or...are we talking about the CEO marrying the Executive Office Manager, the neurosurgeon marrying the Physician Assitant?

What kind of income (and career) gap are we talking about when we look at this article?

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

I think also what we all really need to define here...

LOL

I hope "here" means to define it in your life outside of GC.

[DaemonSeid]

That as well as in the context of this discussion.

I bring it up because regardless of where this conversation is held what some people 'say' and what they actually do are sometimes 2 different things altogether.

[DrPhil]

Of course it's different. LOL. People can say whatever they want during a discussion but they know that what they do depends upon what the other person will tolerate, etc.

[DaemonSeid]

Puuuhhhlllllease say that again!

[agzg]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Question: What about in cases when one is making enough (or more than enough) to cover all expenses but the other wants to work for the sake of being busy? Not necessarily volunteer work but in their career field. What are your thoughts on that?

This was the case of my parents. When my dad made the move from teaching to administration, my mom didn't "need" to work anymore. But, she loved her job, felt like she was contributing to the household, and in the end lived a very busy and happy career and personal life.

Had something ever happened to my dad, though, we would have been able to survive, but not by much.

Right now, between live-in and I, we just cover all of our bills. Of course, things are going well for him at work so that won't be the case for too long. I think, though, that as long as I'm legally able to work (this may only make sense to a handful of people on GC) I will probably work, even if I don't make much, because I feel like I would be contributing to the household.

My parents were in a very similar financial situation whenever they got married, but the education was on the other side (my dad had the Master's, my mom had the Bachelor's). It'd be interesting to see which of us is the primary "breadwinner" down the line, but I think it'll probably be live-in, mostly because his "industry" is growing and is expected to grow for quite some time, whereas mine is fairly static.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Puuuhhhlllllease say that again!

LOL--it has a (theoretical, if you will) background that a lot of people don't capture before they delve into the whole education, income, who works negotiations with their significant others.

On Divorce Court this controlling husband said "God created women to keep men from being lonely...blah blah blah...women can't be in charge...blah blah blah...." Then he went into the whole man being the unchallenged head of household and women are to submit thing.

Well, this man is TALKING but he has yet to find a woman with whom he can come to a consensus on that. He may find a woman who agrees. His soon-to-be ex-wife doesn't agree. Neither do I and that's why God sent me a man who generally doesn't believe in that. LOL.

[DaemonSeid]

Did he also blurt out the whole "be fruitful and multiply" thing too?

[DrPhil]

He didn't go there on the show. LOL. It seems he was more interested in what a woman can do directly for HIM.

He said something that researchers and theorists have found for a while, men who feel powerless at work come home and try to be powerful at home. If they have a boss who controls them at work, they want to be the boss who controls everyone at home. They have to get their "masculinity" from somewhere. There are other places they can get it but home is more immediate and consistent gratification.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

I disagree.

If one spouse makes enough money for the family to live comfortably, then there's no reason why the other spouse needs to be bringing in a steady income, if any income at all.

Having a housewife or househusband allows the couple to have the day to day stuff taken care of without intruding on the family's time together. Said housewives and househusbands (hws and hhs) aren't necessarily unambitious, either. For instance, I've seen hws and hhs who are huge assets to their communities because of the volunteer work they do.



I don't have any hard stats to cite, but I've heard that the likelihood of divorce is directly proportional to the education level of the woman (assuming the highest education level was attained before the marriage). The higher the education, the less likely the marriage would result in divorce.

Then again, I've Heard and They Say are the biggest liars in town, so take that for what you will.

This is where I disagree. I very easily could have a househusband. I have told my DH in no uncertain terms that no matter what he does or how much he makes, he has to work 5 days a week like I do. Otherwise, he'd sit at home, spend money and GET NOTHING DONE! Maybe having a houseWIFE would be useful but not my DH! Not to mention, I didn't rack up my husband's educational debt so he can work to pay that off-- hell he had a full scholarship to med school and still has as much debt from student loans as I do ( I just lived more frugally!)

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

This is where I disagree. I very easily could have a househusband. I have told my DH in no uncertain terms that no matter what he does or how much he makes, he has to work 5 days a week like I do. Otherwise, he'd sit at home, spend money and GET NOTHING DONE! Maybe having a houseWIFE would be useful but not my DH! Not to mention, I didn't rack up my husband's educational debt so he can work to pay that off-- hell he had a full scholarship to med school and still has as much debt from student loans as I do ( I just lived more frugally!)

That just sounds like sour grapes, the I-have-to-do-it-so-you-do-too mindset.

Regardless, my comment about the benefit of hws and hhs was more of a general point. It goes without saying that not every husband or wife is cut out to be a hh or hw (and that not every husband or wife is cut out to have a hh or hw).

[DaemonSeid]

@ AOII Angel Hmmm...what about child care?

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

@ AOII Angel Hmmm...what about child care?

There are no and will be no children!

No sourgrapes here...I just don't see why I should support my husband to sit around at home just because he doesn't want to work.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

That just sounds like sour grapes, the I-have-to-do-it-so-you-do-too mindset.

Regardless, my comment about the benefit of hws and hhs was more of a general point. It goes without saying that not every husband or wife is cut out to be a hh or hw (and that not every husband or wife is cut out to have a hh or hw).

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

There are no and will be no children!

No sourgrapes here...I just don't see why I should support my husband to sit around at home just because he doesn't want to work.

Well, I think that depends on the personality/habits of staying at home, and why they're staying at home. For example - technical "housewives" or "househusbands" actually do work outside the home, for free. OR, they're writing a book while staying at home, OR, they have this, that, and the other going on at home. Maybe you have a huge house, but no staff, and you need someone to be constantly cleaning/doing laundry/maintaining the yard, etc.

Your husband may sit around on his butt all the time, but I as a housewife may clean, learn to be a gourmet chef (I'm thinking of Julia Childs here), intern somewhere, volunteer somewhere, take care of children, etc..

Just depends on the people (DrPhil's point, I guess).

[tld221]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

lol
Nope--or the guy at Scrubway or Taco Hell. (I'm kidding)

you're not kidding. but folks have already busted your chops enough.

Originally Posted by 33girl

I could care less what a guy does for a living. If he's the fry guy at McDonald's but treats me well, does electrical/mechanical/carpentry things around the house I don't have a CLUE how to do, and is a good and involved father, well yes I do want fries with that. I'd rather have that than the guy who works 80 hours a week.

Working in what some would call a "dead end job" is not an indicator of lack of ambition or responsibility, if they show responsibility in other areas.

hahaha @ "i do want fries with that." its funny how much we let what we do for a living define other parts of our lives. Ambition and responsibility can show through hobbies, how they treat those around them, goals they have outside of work... (in other words, what she said)

Originally Posted by epchick

A lot of people work better jobs than fast food places and still live paycheck to paycheck. A "good" job and ambition don't mean anything when you can't even live w/i your means and are up to your eyeballs in debt.


ETA: A manager at Starbucks makes more money than a teacher (at least here they do). I wouldn't necessarily knock "fast-food" jobs.

Shoot, my sister and I are having trouble seeing eye-to-eye. She thought I looked down on her for working at Ikea (she works cashier in the cafe) and I think she looks down on me because I have a "comfy" job (ie i sit at a desk, in an office).

Both of our jobs are demanding and equally important. I may sit at a desk, but im also up and out doing field work and managing relationships. She works on her feet all day but is punching buttons, occasionally refilling containers of condiments and dealing with crappy customer attitudes. Both of our jobs are career-related: i want to work in education/nonprofit, she wants to go into food service and interns at a hotel

she makes more than me and i have a degree. So who's the more dateable one?

Originally Posted by AGDee

My problem is, I need someone who is intellectually stimulating to me. Most people who are intellectually stimulating would be bored to tears in those types of jobs. It's not about their actual job, but more about needing someone who has the same intellectual needs that I do and that includes a need to be challenged intellectually on a daily basis.

Originally Posted by SydneyK

I disagree.

If one spouse makes enough money for the family to live comfortably, then there's no reason why the other spouse needs to be bringing in a steady income, if any income at all.

Having a housewife or househusband allows the couple to have the day to day stuff taken care of without intruding on the family's time together. Said housewives and househusbands (hws and hhs) aren't necessarily unambitious, either. For instance, I've seen hws and hhs who are huge assets to their communities because of the volunteer work they do.

For this to work, a lot of serious, honest conversations would have to be had. I would love for my future "for richer or poorer" to be 100% OK with begin the sole breadwinner. I already work for pennies a day but to be able to afford to that is a different story.

A friend of mine (older friend) and her husband keep finances seperate. He makes decent money working for Verizon (the hands-on stuff, not corporate). They own a Brooklyn brownstone, he pays the bills, car note, etc. She is a paralegal and while i have no idea what she makes, she seems to keep herself and her daughter well-kept. She says her husband says its his job to take care of the needs of the home, and for her to take care of the extras--manicures, salon visits, ballet lessons for the children, etc. When she wanted a dog, it came out of her pocket.

The arrangement works for both of them. She doesnt have to work but she like shiny things, so... she works for it.