More Men are Marrying Wealthier Women

[DaemonSeid]

hell. no.

But seriously, reading the article and reading you ladies' responses, I am inclined to agree. Women fought long and hard to 'be equal' to men so now that a lot are achieving this, then the next thing one would have to do is get used to the idea of possibly marrying someone that may not be on the same footing with them financially, the question for men still is can we swallow our pride and deal with a woman who does make more than we do?

I would say that IMO at the end of the day, if the bills are paid and we are struggling, what difference does it make?

We aren't living in the same world where at one time the man was the breadwinner (hunter gatherer) and the women stayed at home. it's enough trying to get along on your own let alone someone else so we all have to adjust to the roles that we take up in our relationships and focus on what else makes it work besides finance.

At the same time let's not equate making more money with taking care of someone else. Regardless of who makes more, BOTH still need to be bringing in a steady income.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

hell. no.

But seriously, reading the article and reading you ladies' responses, I am inclined to agree. Women fought long and hard to 'be equal' to men so now that a lot are achieving this, then the next thing one would have to do is get used to the idea of possibly marrying someone that may not be on the same footing with them financially, the question for men still is can we swallow our pride and deal with a woman who does make more than we do?

I would say that IMO at the end of the day, if the bills are paid and we are struggling, what difference does it make?

We aren't living in the same world where at one time the man was the breadwinner (hunter gatherer) and the women stayed at home. it's enough trying to get along on your own let alone someone else so we all have to adjust to the roles that we take up in our relationships and focus on what else makes it work besides finance.

At the same time let's not equate making more money with taking care of someone else. Regardless of who makes more, BOTH still need to be bringing in a steady income.

Yep. And I'm not talking fast food either. I hardly call throwing a few cold cuts on a sandwich for $5 bucks an hour (or whatever minimum wage is) "a steady income".

eta: as long as there's some kind of ambition. Seriously. Finances are one of the main causes of divorce. I'm just being realistic.

[DrPhil]

Oh and I was teasing when I said "people like cheerfulgreek...."

But, in all honestly, I see what cheerfulgreek is saying (assuming she wasn't trying to condescend those who work in these jobs) because low wage labor where there is no promise of longevity is not a steady income. It is an honest income that works for as long as you are blessed to have the income.

Other than that, God bless those who have honest jobs even if they have to work 2-3 jobs to get those unsteady incomes. I consider that a last resort but it is a first resort for many. God bless us all.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Yep. And I'm not talking fast food either. I hardly call throwing a few cold cuts on a sandwich for $5 bucks an hour (or whatever minimum wage is) "a steady income".

eta: as long as there's some kind of ambition. Seriously. Finances are one of the main causes of divorce. I'm just being realistic.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Oh and I was teasing when I said "people like cheerfulgreek...."

But, in all honestly, I see what cheerfulgreek is saying (assuming she wasn't trying to condescend those who work in these jobs) because low wage labor where there is no promise of longevity is not a steady income. It is an honest income that works for as long as you are blessed to have the income.

Other than that, God bless those who have honest jobs even if they have to work 2-3 jobs to get those unsteady incomes. I consider that a last resort but it is a first resort for many. God bless us all.

THIS.

And I don't want anyone to think I'm a gold digger or anything like that, because I'm not. I wasn't trying to be condescending at all, it's just that a guy without some kind of ambition to me is lazy. I hate lazy people. Seriously. I mean, at least make enough money to be able to support yourself. Working at McDonalds, Scrubway, Taco Hell, etc. etc. alone is not going to pay the bills and it definitely will not provide for a family. When I get married and he gets laid off or something and has to work two or three jobs, then I'm o.k. with that, but I would hope that he's tryng to do something to get back on his feet. I'm just trying to be realistic, that's all I'm doing. A lot of people say they would be o.k. with people doing this or someone doing that in a marriage, but really, when the responsibility sets in, then what? I'm sorry, but if I met a guy and he said he worked at McDonalds, I'm going to ask "doing what?" and if he's my age or in his 30s and he's a "french fry engineer" or whatever the title is now, or he's not in school, or trying to work his way up the ladder at McDonald's then I'm going to wonder why is this guy who's in my age group, not in school, or not doing anything else to try and better himself? If he's a nice guy then he can be nice for some other girl. I guess I'll miss out on a sweet, genuine guy. I seriously would rather be single. However, I don't mind if he's making less than me, I really don't, as long as I feel financially secure with him. When I'm all done with school and everything else that I plan on doing, he probably will be making less than me, and that's o.k. but I'm not going to take care of kids and an adult guy who works fast food jobs. Sorry.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Working at McDonalds, Scrubway, Taco Hell, etc. etc. alone is not going to pay the bills

Depends on what kind of bills said person has. And what position he has.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

Depends on what kind of bills said person has. And what position he has.

If he's making sandwiches as a sandwich guy or whatever they call the title now, then no. Whatever kind of bills he has, if he's making sandwiches for a living, and that's it, then he's living check to check. That's not financial stability.

[epchick]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

...then he's living check to check. That's not financial stability.

A lot of people work better jobs than fast food places and still live paycheck to paycheck. A "good" job and ambition don't mean anything when you can't even live w/i your means and are up to your eyeballs in debt.


ETA: A manager at Starbucks makes more money than a teacher (at least here they do). I wouldn't necessarily knock "fast-food" jobs.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

If he's making sandwiches as a sandwich guy or whatever they call the title now, then no. Whatever kind of bills he has, if he's making sandwiches for a living, and that's it, then he's living check to check. That's not financial stability.

If someone is debt free and is making (for example) $30,000 as a manager at one of those places, I don't see how that's not stable.

If he has 324,234 credit cards and is a "sandwich artist," then I can see your point. Not everyone falls into that category, though.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

THIS.

And I don't want anyone to think I'm a gold digger or anything like that, because I'm not. I wasn't trying to be condescending at all, it's just that a guy without some kind of ambition to me is lazy. I hate lazy people. Seriously. I mean, at least make enough money to be able to support yourself. Working at McDonalds, Scrubway, Taco Hell, etc. etc. alone is not going to pay the bills and it definitely will not provide for a family. When I get married and he gets laid off or something and has to work two or three jobs, then I'm o.k. with that, but I would hope that he's tryng to do something to get back on his feet. I'm just trying to be realistic, that's all I'm doing. A lot of people say they would be o.k. with people doing this or someone doing that in a marriage, but really, when the responsibility sets in, then what? I'm sorry, but if I met a guy and he said he worked at McDonalds, I'm going to ask "doing what?" and if he's my age or in his 30s and he's a "french fry engineer" or whatever the title is now, or he's not in school, or trying to work his way up the ladder at McDonald's then I'm going to wonder why is this guy who's in my age group, not in school, or not doing anything else to try and better himself? If he's a nice guy then he can be nice for some other girl. I guess I'll miss out on a sweet, genuine guy. I seriously would rather be single. However, I don't mind if he's making less than me, I really don't, as long as I feel financially secure with him. When I'm all done with school and everything else that I plan on doing, he probably will be making less than me, and that's o.k. but I'm not going to take care of kids and an adult guy who works fast food jobs. Sorry.

And I agree. It's not about being a gold digger, it's about meeting someone close to where you are just in case one stumbles the other can pick up some of the slack

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

And I agree. It's not about being a gold digger, it's about meeting someone close to where you are just in case one stumbles the other can pick up some of the slack

And Daemon, that's all it is. That's all I'm saying, and I agree with you 100%.

[starang21]

i wonder if this and the divorce rate are in any way related?

LOL.

either way. go smart chicks.

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Regardless of who makes more, BOTH still need to be bringing in a steady income.

I disagree.

If one spouse makes enough money for the family to live comfortably, then there's no reason why the other spouse needs to be bringing in a steady income, if any income at all.

Having a housewife or househusband allows the couple to have the day to day stuff taken care of without intruding on the family's time together. Said housewives and househusbands (hws and hhs) aren't necessarily unambitious, either. For instance, I've seen hws and hhs who are huge assets to their communities because of the volunteer work they do.

Originally Posted by starang21

i wonder if this and the divorce rate are in any way related?

I don't have any hard stats to cite, but I've heard that the likelihood of divorce is directly proportional to the education level of the woman (assuming the highest education level was attained before the marriage). The higher the education, the less likely the marriage would result in divorce.

Then again, I've Heard and They Say are the biggest liars in town, so take that for what you will.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

I disagree.

If one spouse makes enough money for the family to live comfortably, then there's no reason why the other spouse needs to be bringing in a steady income, if any income at all.

True on that point.

I misspoke.

If a spouse is making just enough to cover the bills then both should be making steady incomes to do more than 'just cover'.

Question: What about in cases when one is making enough (or more than enough) to cover all expenses but the other wants to work for the sake of being busy? Not necessarily volunteer work but in their career field. What are your thoughts on that?

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Question: What about in cases when one is making enough (or more than enough) to cover all expenses but the other wants to work for the sake of being busy? Not necessarily volunteer work but in their career field. What are your thoughts on that?

I have no problem with that at all. In fact, I think that's an ideal situation.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Question: What about in cases when one is making enough (or more than enough) to cover all expenses but the other wants to work for the sake of being busy? Not necessarily volunteer work but in their career field. What are your thoughts on that?

This was the case of my parents. When my dad made the move from teaching to administration, my mom didn't "need" to work anymore. But, she loved her job, felt like she was contributing to the household, and in the end lived a very busy and happy career and personal life.

Had something ever happened to my dad, though, we would have been able to survive, but not by much.

Right now, between live-in and I, we just cover all of our bills. Of course, things are going well for him at work so that won't be the case for too long. I think, though, that as long as I'm legally able to work (this may only make sense to a handful of people on GC) I will probably work, even if I don't make much, because I feel like I would be contributing to the household.

My parents were in a very similar financial situation whenever they got married, but the education was on the other side (my dad had the Master's, my mom had the Bachelor's). It'd be interesting to see which of us is the primary "breadwinner" down the line, but I think it'll probably be live-in, mostly because his "industry" is growing and is expected to grow for quite some time, whereas mine is fairly static.