Is mutual selection really mutual?

[MerryGPhiB]

Originally Posted by RusheeNumero3

I did go to all the pref parties. Then I ranked them at the end. My Rho Chi told me that I should put down all 3 because it makes the computer freak out if you only put in 2.

Also. It's too late. I already rejected my bid. I got my bid at 10 and we had to decide by noon. And I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go to bid day crying so I just went home.

I'm not sure when bid day was, however, could you call the panhellenic office and reconsider the bid? Its just a suggestion. If it is not something you want to do, then don't . But it might be worth a try if interested.

[breathesgelatin]

Originally Posted by MerryGPhiB

I'm not sure when bid day was, however, could you call the panhellenic office and reconsider the bid? Its just a suggestion. If it is not something you want to do, then don't . But it might be worth a try if interested.

Seconding this advice.

Seems like you have a good attitude about the whole thing after reflecting on it. Good luck to you.

[RusheeNumero3]

Do you think I could talk to the Greek Life office about letting me do informal recruitment in the spring? Even though I signed my pref card? It said that if you turn down a bid (like I did) that you're ineligible for a year. My Rho Chi really led me to believe that I had to put all three of the sororities I went to on my preference card. Even though after she went over the rules I told her I wouldn't be comfortable with my 3rd choice.

I don't know how I'm going to feel about joining a sorority a semester from now, but I feel like I was misinformed. I doubt the Greek life office will care that I misunderstood. But I wanted to get y'alls opinion on trying to go that route. I really don't want to get my Rho Chi or anyone in trouble though. Would talking to Greek Life be stir up more trouble than it's worth?

[ComradesTrue]

Since everyone has done a nice job of answering RN3s questions, may I make a slight hijack?

Originally Posted by RusheeNumero3

Also. It's too late. I already rejected my bid. I got my bid at 10 and we had to decide by noon. And I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go to bid day crying so I just went home.

Is this standard practice on many campuses? It has been over 15 years since I rushed, but if I recall correctly we had 24 hours to decide whether to accept a bid. That allowed the emotions to calm down a bit, disappointed girls time to compose themselves, and even some the chance to "sleep on things." PNMs could also call and talk to family, etc.

Bid Day was at 4:30 and so the PNMs had that evening and then most of the next day to make up their minds. Was it common for someone to take 24 hours? No, but there were definitely times when it took more than 2 hours, and every year there were a few that accepted thier bids the next morning.

Anyway, it just seems that with a mere 2 hour window that exactly what happened with this PNM would happen. Emotions are running high, fear that people would see that she had been crying, etc I think would sway many of them to just go back to the dorm.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Is this standard practice on many campuses? It has been over 15 years since I rushed, but if I recall correctly we had 24 hours to decide whether to accept a bid. That allowed the emotions to calm down a bit, disappointed girls time to compose themselves, and even some the chance to "sleep on things." PNMs could also call and talk to family, etc.

Bid Day was at 4:30 and so the PNMs had that evening and then most of the next day to make up their minds. Was it common for someone to take 24 hours? No, but there were definitely times when it took more than 2 hours, and every year there were a few that accepted thier bids the next morning.

Anyway, it just seems that with a mere 2 hour window that exactly what happened with this PNM would happen. Emotions are running high, fear that people would see that she had been crying, etc I think would sway many of them to just go back to the dorm.

Oh heck, I didn't even see that. I know when we handed out open bids they had 24 hours, but I can't remember what the timeframe was in formal rush - but Blondie, I think you're probably right.

Oh and SureSister, please go elsewhere and plug your blog - to say to a rushee who is upset "they won't be able to resist you next year" is absolutely deplorable and shows you know NOTHING about rush.

[SureSister]

KSUViolet06:

You are right about the “resist” sentence. Thank you for pointing it out so diplomatically. I have corrected the post.

However, I'm sure you would agree that the steps I mentioned wouldn't hurt her chances in next years' recruitment. I don't know of any sorority that is seeking new members with low grades, low involvement, immaturity, and a poor attitude. Maybe it would be good to generate some discussion about what a freshman should do if she knows that she wants to participate in recruitment next year. It's certainly a different situation from a high school senior starting her senior year, right?

33girl:

1. What blog? I did not point you to a blog.
2. I'm not sure why you would write something like that when I probably know something. I contributed to the thread to try to help the OP. I didn't insult, criticize or demean any other GCer, GLO, or do anything out out of line. I don't really feel that I deserved such a response...

[joliebelle]

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Since everyone has done a nice job of answering RN3s questions, may I make a slight hijack?




Is this standard practice on many campuses? It has been over 15 years since I rushed, but if I recall correctly we had 24 hours to decide whether to accept a bid. That allowed the emotions to calm down a bit, disappointed girls time to compose themselves, and even some the chance to "sleep on things." PNMs could also call and talk to family, etc.

Bid Day was at 4:30 and so the PNMs had that evening and then most of the next day to make up their minds. Was it common for someone to take 24 hours? No, but there were definitely times when it took more than 2 hours, and every year there were a few that accepted thier bids the next morning.

Anyway, it just seems that with a mere 2 hour window that exactly what happened with this PNM would happen. Emotions are running high, fear that people would see that she had been crying, etc I think would sway many of them to just go back to the dorm.

For our recruitment this year, our bid lists are due at 3 and bid day begins at 5. To me this means that the PNMs have less than 2 hours to basically make what could potentially be a life changing decision.

I didn't go through formal recruitment, I COB'ed, but I was told that I had 24 hours to accept or decline

[agzg]

Originally Posted by CutiePie2000

That being said, I do think that your Rho Chi was also somewhat in the wrong to direct you to still put down choice #3: "I told my Rho Chi that I really really really wouldn't be comfortable with my 3rd choice and she said there was only a slight chance of getting it (bad advice) and I should put it down anyway".

I would say the Rho Chi's wording was wrong, but the sentiment was what she was supposed to propose to a pnm. I was a Rho Gamma (different name, same thing) at my campus for two formals in a row and we always stressed to the pnms that the best thing they can do for themselves is to expand their options.

I definitely would have left the decision more up to the pnm and would not have downplayed the possibility of getting choice three to her but my response would have been more like: "OK, you have a right to feel like you don't want to be in any chapter. However, all the chapters on our campus are quality women, and you maximize your potential as a sorority member by selecting three choices on your form. Think long and hard while you're making your selections so that you can be sure to be a happy camper at the end of bid day."

Just because, having been on the side where you have to tell a pnm that she didn't get a bid - it sucks. Especially when you get to know some of the awesome young ladies who go through recruitment and you don't even care what chapter they join you just want to be their friend.

[FSUZeta]

i would like to point out to the OP that should she decide to ask panhellenic to intervene for her and see if chapter#3 will honor her bid, and during her new member period decides that her original feelings about the chapter were right and she wants to quit the chapter and rush again in the fall, she must quit before she is initiated. once initiated into an NPC sorority, she cannot seek membership in another NPC sorority.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

I would say the Rho Chi's wording was wrong, but the sentiment was what she was supposed to propose to a pnm. I was a Rho Gamma (different name, same thing) at my campus for two formals in a row and we always stressed to the pnms that the best thing they can do for themselves is to expand their options.

I definitely would have left the decision more up to the pnm and would not have downplayed the possibility of getting choice three to her but my response would have been more like: "OK, you have a right to feel like you don't want to be in any chapter. However, all the chapters on our campus are quality women, and you maximize your potential as a sorority member by selecting three choices on your form. Think long and hard while you're making your selections so that you can be sure to be a happy camper at the end of bid day."

Just because, having been on the side where you have to tell a pnm that she didn't get a bid - it sucks. Especially when you get to know some of the awesome young ladies who go through recruitment and you don't even care what chapter they join you just want to be their friend.

As a former recruitment counselor and panhellenic exec. member, I would encourage the OP to inform her panhellenic office about the advice given to her by a recruitment counselor that was incorrect. You don't have to name names, but it is important that the recruitment counselors get correct information. The PNMs rely on them for correct information. Though we all like to encourage women to consider all options and never discard any chapter that has invited them, it is ALWAYS a PNM's right to choose NOT to accept membership in a chapter and therefore not list them on her preference card. Unlike some other women, I do not think it's a good idea for women to list chapters that they know they will reject a bid from. It's creates bad morale in a chapter & pledge class, and it takes away spots from other women that wanted it (including maybe quota additions). If women "suicide" and don't get a bid, so be it. They can rush again later or not. We should not be coercing women into signing a binding contract based on incorrect information or lies.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

We should not be coercing women into signing a binding contract based on incorrect information or lies.

Right.

However, everyone needs to keep in mind that we only know what's being said here, and we don't know this Rho Chi. Therefore we don't really know what was actually said to the PNM and whether the PX lied, just didn't know the rules, or knew them and didn't communicate them correctly.

[AGDee]

There *is* only a slight chance of a PNM getting matched to her 3rd choice most of the time and I think the Rho Chis are trained to strongly encourage PNMs to maximize their options to be eligible for quota additions (when used) or to get a guaranteed bid (on campuses where they have this) The reality is, if the PNM didn't get choice 1 or 2, she wasn't going to get 1 or 2 whether she put a 3rd choice or not. If all the chapters are at Total and COR doesn't happen on this campus, then it doesn't really matter that she signed a binding contract. The only part that she said wrong was that the computer would freak out...

[agzg]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Right.

However, everyone needs to keep in mind that we only know what's being said here, and we don't know this Rho Chi. Therefore we don't really know what was actually said to the PNM and whether the PX lied, just didn't know the rules, or knew them and didn't communicate them correctly.

I'm with you. On the computer thing, well that's a lie or a lie someone else told the PX. On the rest of the advice, it really seems that she didn't communicate effectively enough that it is a pnm's choice whether or not to exclude a chapter.

[gee_ess]

One girl's vote counted more than the others? That doesn't sound right to me...

However, one member can have more more influence than another member simply by virture of her office, or year in school, or personality, or anything else that makes people follow others.

[RusheeNumero3]

I dunno it just really didn't feel right. Ugh. Oh well. I just feel stupid now.