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Is mutual selection really mutual?

I am really upset and am wondering why this happened to me...

Our school's greek life is really laid back. No one ever needs recommendations, and last year every girl that rushed got a bid from their first or second choice. My GPA is above a 4.0 and I have tons of community service and a few extracurriculars that I am extremely passionate about and dedicated to. Every night I got invited back to all the chapters I selected.

I put down my 3 choices on pref night. I told my Rho Chi that I really really really wouldn't be comfortable with my 3rd choice and she said there was only a slight chance of getting it and I should put it down anyway. So I did and then I signed the sheet saying that I would accept a bid from any of my top 3 and that if I didn't I couldn't pledge any other Panhellenic chapters for a calender year.

So come bid day, I was fairly confident I would get one of my top 2. I opened my bid and it was my 3rd choice. I talked to my Rho Chi and she said that I should try it out anyway. I was so shocked and broken-hearted I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Later on my friend told me that the longer a sister knows you the more voting power they have. I have known two of the sisters in my 3rd choice for over 5 years. Could their votes have overridden my rankings? Or did my top two choices just not want me?

It would actually be better if my top two just didn't want me because then I wouldn't feel like it was my fault. Did I screw myself over just by going to my 3rd choices pref night?

I honestly don't know how other sororities do it, (i would think votes would be anonymous) but I doubt any sister could have more voting power than another...maybe they can just push harder for you, and influence others?

And the way you get your 3rd choice is if you're low enough on the other 2 groups' bid lists and they reach quota before they get to your name...

ETA: WAIT - Did I read that right?? You only went to Choice # 3's pref ceremony?? You can't get a bid to a group if you don't go to their preference night.
Or are you only thinking that you SHOULDN'T have have gone to # 3's pref in addition to the first 2? Going to group #3's pref night wouldn't have affected your ranking on the other 2's bid list.

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusheeNumero3 (Post 1713665)

Did I screw myself over just by going to my 3rd choices pref night?

If you only went to their pref ceremony & didn't go to the other 2, then yes. You did screw yourself.

...why would you not show up at pref night?

Thanks. That actually does help a little bit.

I went to all 3 different sororities pref nights. Then I ranked those 3. Yeah I was thinking that I SHOULDN'T have gone to my 3rd choices pref night.

My friend is in my #1 choice said that her vote really did count more because she had known me for over a year. All this stuff is just really weird.

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusheeNumero3 (Post 1713665)

Quote:

So come bid day, I was fairly confident I would get one of my top 2. I opened my bid and it was my 3rd choice. I talked to my Rho Chi and she said that I should try it out anyway. I was so shocked and broken-hearted I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

You should give it a shot. There are a number of girls who have told their stories here who ended up getting their "last choice" and ended up loving the house and the girls and have gone to have great experiences. It is understandable that you are shocked and maybe even upset, but hey, you signed something that said you would accept a bid from all those 3 sororities. I believe you really could be missing out on something good if you just get all upset and "take your toys and go home" without even giving them a shot.

Quote:

Later on my friend told me that the longer a sister knows you the more voting power they have. I have known two of the sisters in my 3rd choice for over 5 years. Could their votes have overridden my rankings? Or did my top two choices just not want me?

How MS works for your friend's sorority is not the business of anyone else. However they rank or whatever is only something that will affect your chances to that one specific group and has absolutely nothing to do with the other 2 groups.

To answer your second question - It's not so much that your top 2 choices "didn't want you". They invited you to Pref. When you invite someone to Pref you are pretty much saying "We think you're awesome, and we could definitely fit in with our group" to the pnm. From what I understand women invited to Pref are all on the bidlist... it's just a matter of where on the bidlist you are. There are also many factors that contribute. Maybe you had pretty good placement on their bidlists, but the groups met quota before they got to your name? Matching is a complicated process and I'm not even going to try explaining it b/c I will confuse myself.

Quote:

It would actually be better if my top two just didn't want me because then I wouldn't feel like it was my fault. Did I screw myself over just by going to my 3rd choices pref night?

It depends on how you look at it.

I'm guessing if you didn't put down the 3rd group you would have went bidless and would have received "that call" from your Rho Chi.

You really have to look at the bright side here. A group really liked you enough that they invited you for membership. You should give them a chance. If you're not really feeling them, then you should probably drop before initation.

Either way, you are ineligable for another bid for a full calendar year, so you might as well give it a shot.

Quote:

Originally Posted by texas*princess (Post 1713686)

You signed something that said you would accept a bid from any of the top 3. If you felt you REALLY would not have accepted a bid from the 3rd group, you should not have put them there.

When you put 3 groups down, there is a chance no matter how small or great that you will get your last choice.

You should give it a shot. There are a number of girls who have told their stories here who ended up getting their "last choice" and ended up loving the house and the girls and have gone to have great experiences. It is understandable that you are shocked and maybe even upset, but hey, you signed something that said you would accept a bid from all those 3 sororities. I believe you really could be missing out on something good if you just get all upset and "take your toys and go home" without even giving them a shot.

How MS works for your friend's sorority is not the business of anyone else. However they rank or whatever is only something that will affect your chances to that one specific group and has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you knew 2 of those girls longer and maybe didn't know anyone in those other 2 groups.

To answer your second question - It's not so much that your top 2 choices "didn't want you". They invited you to Pref. When you invite someone to Pref you are pretty much saying "We think you're awesome, and we could definitely fit in with our group" to the pnm. From what I understand women invited to Pref are all on the bidlist... it's just a matter of where on the bidlist you are. There are also many factors that contribute. Maybe you had pretty good placement on their bidlists, but the groups met quota before they got to your name? Matching is a complicated process and I'm not even going to try explaining it b/c I will confuse myself.

It depends on how you look at it.

I'm guessing if you didn't put down the 3rd group you would have went bidless and would have received "that call" from your Rho Chi.

You really have to look at the bright side here. A group really liked you enough that they invited you for membership. You should give them a chance. If you're not really feeling them, then you should probably drop before initation.

Either way, you are ineligable for another bid for a full calendar year, so you might as well give it a shot.

Well said.

I would say that it was mistake to put down Choice #3 on your Preference Sheet at the end of the night, if you had no intention of ever joining that group. Also, if anything, if you didn't want Choice #3, skipping their Choice #3's Preference would probably have send the message, loud and clear to them.

That being said, I do think that your Rho Chi was also somewhat in the wrong to direct you to still put down choice #3: "I told my Rho Chi that I really really really wouldn't be comfortable with my 3rd choice and she said there was only a slight chance of getting it (bad advice) and I should put it down anyway".

I also don't know what your campus is like, but if you are extended a bid and then don't join, you could be viewed as...ahem..."damaged goods" next year and it might be even more difficult to get a bid from your top 2. I don't mean to be harsh, but I think it's important that you are aware of all of the possibilities.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOEforme (Post 1713683)

I think she means did she screw herself over by going to her 3rd choice's pref night in addition to the other two.

If you hadn't gone, you likely would have recieved no bid whatsoever because it looks like you were low enough on your 1st and 2nd choice's bid lists that they made quota before they reached you.

Yeah. That's what I was asking. Thanks y'all. Sorry for being a drama queen.

One girl's vote counted more than the others? That doesn't sound right to me...

However, one member can have more more influence than another member simply by virture of her office, or year in school, or personality, or anything else that makes people follow others.

To answer your first question, yet it is mutual.

You ranked your sororities first, second and third.

The sororities ranked those attending their pref parties in a similar type manner. How they arrived at their rankings is confidential.

Anyway, there were two chapters that you liked more than the other one. Unfortunately, those two chapters appear to have ranked other PNMs higher than you, as you were too low on their bid lists to receive a bid. They filled quota before getting to your name. It has nothing to do with attending that third party, and on some campuses you would be removed from recruitment for skipping a party. (not to mention this is R-U-D-E!)

Both you and the chapters had a say in the rankings, thus the mutual selection.

I am sorry that it did not work out the way that you wanted. However, that third house did see something that they liked in you, so they may be feeling just as rejected as you are.

We don't always get our first choices in life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CutiePie2000 (Post 1713688)

You did not do yourself any favors by not attending the Preference Parties of Choice #1 and Choice #2. It was also a mistake to put down Choice #3 on your Preference Sheet at the end of the night, if you had no intention of ever joining that group. I don't understand why you would not attend Preference at #1 and #2? If anything, if you didn't want Choice #3, skipping their Choice #3's Preference would probably have send the message, loud and clear to them. From what you've written, you skipped Preference #1 and #2's Parties. This makes no sense to me at all. Please explain why you would do that?

I did go to all the pref parties. Then I ranked them at the end. My Rho Chi told me that I should put down all 3 because it makes the computer freak out if you only put in 2.

Also. It's too late. I already rejected my bid. I got my bid at 10 and we had to decide by noon. And I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go to bid day crying so I just went home.

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusheeNumero3 (Post 1713701)

Also. It's too late. I already rejected my bid. I got my bid at 10 and we had to decide by noon. And I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go to bid day crying so I just went home.

:(
That's what I was about to ask....whether you decided to give Choice #3 a chance or not.
Ahhhh.....I wish you hadn't turned down your bid. You could have been surprisingly happy there!

Well, sorry to hear you already rejected the bid. That's really too bad.

If what you said is true (The Rho Chi telling you to put it down anyway since there is only a small chance and that the computer would freak out if you only put down 2 choices) I agree with someone else who said that is bad advice.

In the end though, if you went back in time and didn't write down the 3rd group, like we've already said, you would have gone bidless. So now that you've already rejected the bid that was given to you, you have the same conclusion. Questions answered. End of thread :)

I dunno it just really didn't feel right. Ugh. Oh well. I just feel stupid now.