Is mutual selection really mutual?

[violetpretty]

I hate dumb Recruitment Counselors!!! Well, I don't know if she was dumb or intentionally deceitful. Either way, it's BS that she told you the "computer would freak out" if you only put 2 choices. Not true in the least. You deserved honesty.

Definitely let the Greek Life Office know about your situation. It won't change your situation, but it might make them reconsider their Recruitment Counselor training, whether the RCs simply need to be more knowledgeable or if there is a "you MUST rank all the chapters so we can place every PNM no matter if some are unhappy" attitude. Maybe your story will prevent this from happening in the future.

There is still no way you'd be able to do informal recruitment in the spring. The only thing you might be able to talk Greek Life and/or 3rd choice chapter into is you wanting to reaccept your bid to 3rd choice chapter if possible. That is, if there is still space available. One year my chapter had a girl drop out the day after bid day (we made quota so there was only one spot), and we filled her spot with a PNM who had dropped out after pref.

ETA: Your other questions do venture into the realm of membership selection, and you'll never know how any chapter does it other than the one you're in. It's doubtful that certain members votes count more, but certain people are better at explaining how they feel about a PNM and convincing others to vote with them, so it may be this reason that one may think that certain members' votes carry more weight.

I can tell you that 3rd choice chapter liking you didn't ruin your chances at your 1st or 2nd choices. You were simply not high enough on either of their lists. If you had not ranked 3rd choice chapter, you would have ended up bidless.

[CutiePie2000]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I hate dumb Recruitment Counselors!!! Well, I don't know if she was dumb or intentionally deceitful.

I don't think the PX had deceitful intentions, but whatever it was, her words were definitely misleading. She should have simply said, "Whatever group(s) you mark down, there is a possibility of getting a bid extended to you by that group".

SIGH.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by CutiePie2000

I don't think the PX had deceitful intentions, but whatever it was, her words were definitely misleading. She should have simply said, "Whatever group(s) you mark down, there is a possibility of getting a bid extended to you by that group".

SIGH.

Who knows what she really said! Maybe this PNM just heard what she wanted to hear...that there was little chance that she wouldn't get her 1st or 2nd choice. There's always two sides to every story.

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Who knows what she really said! Maybe this PNM just heard what she wanted to hear...that there was little chance that she wouldn't get her 1st or 2nd choice. There's always two sides to every story.

WELL SAID.

We don't know what the PX said FOR SURE... we just know what this person has told us.

Re: others advice to ask to be re-instated... I would only advise this if you were 100% sure. Only b/c if I were in their position, and we had a girl reject our bid, then ask for it back, only to drop out again later, that would really p!ss me off. I mean, that spot could have easily gone to someone who REALLY WANTED it.

It's kind of different if you accepted the bid, and later decided it wasn't for you and dropped out. But if you dropped out TWICE that would rub me the wrong way. And I will say, sororities talk to each other throughout the year. All the other sororities will know THAT new member of XYZ who dropped twice in less than 6 wks time and it may sway their decisions if she went through rush again next year.

[SureSister]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

The only thing you might be able to talk Greek Life and/or 3rd choice chapter into is you wanting to reaccept your bid to 3rd choice chapter if possible. That is, if there is still space available. One year my chapter had a girl drop out the day after bid day (we made quota so there was only one spot), and we filled her spot with a PNM who had dropped out after pref.

I agree with VioletPretty. The chapter you rejected may still be willing to accept you into it's new member class. Often times a chapter can re-extend you a bid if it hasn't reached total.

A humble request such as this could work.

“I enjoyed meeting your members but I just wasn’t sure about joining when I received the bid, which is why I declined. But I’m afraid that I reacted hastily. After more thought, I’ve realized that I am interested in becoming a member of Beta Beta Beta sorority. Based on this, are you interested in re-extending the bid to me?”

This message would be best delivered on your behalf by a member of your Panhellenic Council. Fortunately, many or most of the women in that chapter have been through formal recruitment and fully understand the stress and emotions of it all. They will empathize with your feelings.

Let's assume that you want to give it a try. The benefit of your current position is this: You can experience GLOs in that 3rd choice sorority this year and still walk away from that chapter at a later date. Right now you can't participate in recruitment until next fall. If you give the chapter a try, and later resign your membership, you will be in the same position. You can participate in formal recruitment next fall.

Let’s look at your other option. You may choose to remain disaffiliated altogether this year. Again, you can participate in formal recruitment next fall. You'd likely do so with sorority choice 1 and sorority choice 2 in mind. If so, it wouldn't hurt to develop friendships with women in those chapters during the school year. Demonstrate that you are a quality potential member. Get involved on campus with some "visible" organizations. Take on leadership roles. Show your ability to be a good time manager. Demonstrate your maturity. Don't let your fantastic GPA slide. Try to exude a positive attitude all the time. Be the great representative now that they are seeking in their membership.

Of course, I hope you will see if you can reverse your bid rejection situation.

In case you are wondering, there is no rule that prevents a sorority from extending a bid to a woman that it released during a prior recruitment.

You should also know that it is possible that another woman who DID want to join that chapter (your third choice) did NOT receive HER bid because she was the next person on this chapter's bid list after it closed/met quota. So, there may be another woman on your campus who was released from that chapter, or worse, released altogether from recruitment as a result of your taking that quota spot that you did not want. It is possible and it has happened.

Keep us up to date and good luck with your decision.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by SureSister

Be the great representative now that they are seeking in their membership. They won't be able to resist you next year.

[/FONT]

I know you're new here, but I have to caution you against saying this to PNMs. We can't say "if you do this, this, and this, you'll get a bid to your top choice next year." Why? Because we can't guarantee that (and neither can you). We can't assume to know what a sorority is looking for in new members, because we just don't know.

I know you're just trying to be encouraging, but keep in perspective that (as you know) recruitment is complicated and you can't say that if girls do certain things that "a sorority won't be able to resist them." If you look in the Recruitment Stories forum, you'll see that involved women who have good grades don't get their first choices or get dropped from recruitment entirely. So all of those things do not = a bid.

[sherryanne]

Couldn't one argue that the mutual selection is a bit unfair? Sure, you and PNM #2 both talked to two actives individually, but PNM ##2 has a best friend in the house, whose influence is probably stronger than those that met her for only a few minutes - thus, PNM #2 would have an advantage when it came to ranking PNMs...? Unless I am wrong about the whole friends part - do active friends/relatives in the house have a say even though they don't necessarily get to talk to the PNM?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by sherryanne

Couldn't one argue that the mutual selection is a bit unfair? Sure, you and PNM #2 both talked to two actives individually, but PNM ##2 has a best friend in the house, whose influence is probably stronger than those that met her for only a few minutes - thus, PNM #2 would have an advantage when it came to ranking PNMs...? Unless I am wrong about the whole friends part - do active friends/relatives in the house have a say even though they don't necessarily get to talk to the PNM?

I think talking about ranking PNMs, influence, and friends in houses treads into Membership Selection, which is private info.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by sherryanne

Couldn't one argue that the mutual selection is a bit unfair? Sure, you and PNM #2 both talked to two actives individually, but PNM ##2 has a best friend in the house, whose influence is probably stronger than those that met her for only a few minutes - thus, PNM #2 would have an advantage when it came to ranking PNMs...? Unless I am wrong about the whole friends part - do active friends/relatives in the house have a say even though they don't necessarily get to talk to the PNM?

What do you propose to fix this? Draw names out of a bag?

[WinniBug]

Originally Posted by sherryanne

Couldn't one argue that the mutual selection is a bit unfair? Sure, you and PNM #2 both talked to two actives individually, but PNM ##2 has a best friend in the house, whose influence is probably stronger than those that met her for only a few minutes - thus, PNM #2 would have an advantage when it came to ranking PNMs...? Unless I am wrong about the whole friends part - do active friends/relatives in the house have a say even though they don't necessarily get to talk to the PNM?

I don't understand your question, exactly....

[33girl]

Originally Posted by WinniBug

I don't understand your question, exactly....

I think she is asking is if only the people who actually talk to the rushee get to vote. Of course, that is membership selection info and not for public consumption.