still single....

[als463]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Two things to keep in mind:

1. Your children are not obligated to care about and uphold your traditions.
2. Your children are not obligated to care for you in your old age. Why parents can still end up lonely. Also, contrary to assumptions, the average abandoned elderly person and person in nursing homes has children. China has had to beg children.

You know, after I posted this, I actually thought about how it may have sounded. You hit the nail on the head. You are right. No one is obligated to take care of me as an elderly adult but, I would like to have someone around who loves me when my husband dies. Wives generally live longer than their husbands and that's usually due to how they deal with stress. Studies have shown this. I always fear that my husbad will die much sooner than me, when I get older, and if I have no children, I could be alone. It's pretty scary. I also don't want my career, as many women in this field have come to deal with, to dictate whether or not I have children. I'm thinking that in the next year or so, I'll have "May Baby Syndrome" or something of the sort.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by als463

You are right. No one is obligated to take care of me as an elderly adult but, I would like to have someone around who loves me when my husband dies.

Children shouldn't be born with a job. That is a good way to make a child anxious to leave the nest and not return even if a parent is guilt tripping them to be around.

Plus, what if your child dies before you? What if your child is nothing like you imagined? What if your child is an absolute nightmare to be around? I am not wishing ill on anyone but that is a reality. If you are only having a child for some promise for the future--30+ years down the road--will you be sad and like "oh damn" if you invest time and energy in a child but never get a return for your investment? That is one reason why many parents want their children to be successful, help them pay bills, and take care of parents as they age. "I took care of you so now it is time for you to repay me" That often fails miserably and there are some bitter parents around the world.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Children shouldn't be born with a job. That is a good way to make a child anxious to leave the nest and not return even if a parent is guilt tripping them to be around.

That is one reason why many parents want their children to be successful, help them pay bills, and take care of parents as they age. "I took care of you so now it is time for you to repay me" That often fails miserably and there are some bitter parents around the world.

and bitter children. ahem.

the idea that I "owe" my parents care because they cared for me is... well, there's no way to say it without being seen as a jerk.

I have a friend whose mother takes 10% of their paycheck to direct deposit into her bank account. He works in marketing, the brother is a lawyer. That must be frustrating to not have any say-so, but they oblige because, well, it's their parents.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by tld221

and bitter children. ahem.

the idea that I "owe" my parents care because they cared for me is... well, there's no way to say it without being seen as a jerk.

I have a friend whose mother takes 10% of their paycheck to direct deposit into her bank account. He works in marketing, the brother is a lawyer. That must be frustrating to not have any say-so, but they oblige because, well, it's their parents.

Oh yeah, pissed off children.

Your friend and his brother better get smart. Seriously. Their mother better stop acting like she did someone a favor. She chose to have children. I understand wanting children to be grateful but that is easily taken to the extreme.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Oh yeah, pissed off children.

Your friend and his brother better get smart. Seriously. Their mother better stop acting like she did someone a favor. She chose to have children. I understand wanting children to be grateful but that is easily taken to the extreme.

They're Chinese - I chalked it up to something cultural I wasn't hip to. It could also be a class thing - feeling obligated to "give back" once you've "made it." I guess why so many of these newly drafted basketball players go buying their mamas houses and cars off top, or why many people, when presented with the age-old "what will you do if you win the lottery?" scenario, always go to paying off their (parents'/family's) debt or buying real estate.

[33girl]

I don't think of paying off debt as giving back, because once they croak, their debts become yours. Might as well take care of it first before you spend all the dough.