still single....

[tld221]

Wow, this thread is capturing a LOT of where I am in life.

Re: marriage. I grew up not wanting to be married. Didn't dream about it or anything. Couldn't ever imagine me and a +1. As an adult, it still is difficult. There are a lot of blanks, but I have realized that while ideally I would want a husband, a wife wouldn't be out of the question. I guess I'd want a life partner who also wants one.

Re: kids. Same as marriage. I have a lot of negative views of parenting (some that I need to work through, others that I'm comfortable in holding regardless of societal pressure) and I definitely identify with being a childless adult. I get nervous when I actually feel positive about having children and being a mother because I don't know if it's a genuine feeling or because I'm inundated with with boatloads of FB feeds of babies doing cutesy baby things. To date, I've only dreamt of being happy about having a man's baby once (we never dated, were never a thing, just really admired him). The role of parent never seemed joyous to me, and while most worry about regretting NOT having children... I think I'd regret having them.

Re: virginity. Whoever talked about detaching sex and love? Yeah, that. I've never tied sex to marriage or religion, so it was a little easier to detach. But I totally get still wanting it to mean something. I lost my virginity (I so wish there was a better phrase) at 25 and while it wasn't ideal, I was just glad to be over with it. It's still hard detach sex and emotion for me. Just means I (still) don't have (lots of) sex.

Re: dating. ugh. NYC has NEVER proven to be a great place for me as a single woman. Everyone dates everyone, despite how big the city is, and most folks I know who are married/engaged knew their mate in college or HS, or via family friend. I don't trust anyone in my family to set me up. My university wasn't the school you went for an MRS - I can only think of 3 couples from college who married. One is a doctor, the other two are lawyers. None of them are SAHM in the least bit and from what I remember about them, they always intended to be career AND family women. The doctor had a baby, the lawyers, dunno.

All this to say... in my heart of hearts, if I ended up a childless, single woman, I could be OK with that. As long as I managed to eek out a decent dating life and didnt struggle financially. I get my fill of children through friend's kids and I love a quiet home! But part of me just wants to give in to societal pressure and just be excited and overwhelmed with desire to birth children and search for Mr. Right with everyone else, because few people can be OK with a woman who doesn't want to put her ovaries to use or change her name for someone else without an eyeroll or disparaging attack to her femininity, sexuality or purpose.