Received a blatant B-list invitation BY PHONE BY PROXY, what to do?

[ASTalumna06]

It's issues like this that make me never want to get married.

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

You can always make a donation in their name to the Human Fund.

People tend to lose all sense of civility, manners and sanity when it comes to weddings. If you do go, promise yourself to have a good time. If you can't see yourself having fun and being able to get past the situation, do yourself a favor plan a night out with your hubby or your friends, crack a bottle of wine, and don't give the wedding another thought.

Two Seinfeld references on Greekchat in the same day?! Awesome.

And I agree. I love weddings, but everyone makes it about THEM. At my brother's wedding a few months ago, my aunt turned to me during their first dance and said, "I hate that these dances seem to go on forever. They should cut the song off halfway through." Ugh. Shut up. My brother sat through your first dance a few years back, now you should do the same for him.

A wedding is about the BRIDE and GROOM. It's amazing how many people forget that.

And if someone that you don't really care that much for just happens to "offend" you in a minor way, be the bigger person, brush it off, and move on with your life.

People can invite whoever they want. Quite frankly, I want to invite no one to my wedding.

Vegas, baby!

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

People can invite whoever they want. Quite frankly, I want to invite no one to my wedding.

Vegas, baby!

A-freaking-men. At one point, I was so sick of the wedding planning that I joked that we should elope. In front of my MIL. Big mistake. Cue MIL tantrum. "I ***WILL*** BE AT ***MY SON'S WEDDING*** !!!!!!!!!!" (whine, whine, lie on floor kicking and screaming - I kid you not - my MIL is a toddler in a 65yo body)

A wedding is about the BRIDE and GROOM. It's amazing how many people forget that.

Again, a-freaking-men.

[Munchkin03]

Why does this not even seem like a Thing to me?

First off, I see the donation thing as being deliberately snarky and more than a little catty. I get joy from picking out wedding gifts for my friends--usually I stick to the registry but I have gone off-script for something that I know the bride/groom really want or need (ie., Lowe's Gift Card to my BFF and his wife, who spend all their free money on their home remodel). Making a donation to someone to deny them a gift is sanctimonious.

Secondly, I like Ellebud's advice. Go, get a gift, and call it a day. Also, the MOG may have been talking out of her ass about y'all being invited anyhow. She may have had no clue about the venue, what it could hold, or who her son and his bride were obligated to invite. It seems that, unless they're paying for all of it, the groom's side ends up getting shafted in terms of guests anyway.

Third, weddings can bring out the rudeness and cattiness in not only the guests, and the party, but also the bride and groom as well. I have never seen so many scores settled by brides/grooms excluding people from invites, seating arrangements, and the like under the guise of "well, it's all about us!" Rudeness is never acceptable, even when it is "your day."

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Why does this not even seem like a Thing to me?

You aren't the only one.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

First off, I see the donation thing as being deliberately snarky and more than a little catty.

Uh, that's the point. I'm sorry, I don't believe in B-list guests. Someone is either important to you, and you find a way to put them on your list, or they aren't. You don't get to have it both ways. This case is especially egregious because hubby was invited to the bachelor party.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Someone is either important to you, and you find a way to put them on your list, or they aren't. You don't get to have it both ways.

THIS is the problem. To most people invited = important/loved/the best, and not invited = why are we even friends?

Sometimes it's too expensive.. Or the couple wants a small wedding.. Or someone is forgotten.. Or whatever. There could be a million different reasons why someone isn't invited, but that doesn't automatically mean they're not important to the couple.

Or hell, maybe they aren't important, and they were purposely left off. Oh well! I stick with my point.. Get over it and move on.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

THIS is the problem. To most people invited = important/loved/the best, and not invited = why are we even friends?

Sometimes it's too expensive.. Or the couple wants a small wedding.. Or someone is forgotten.. Or whatever. There could be a million different reasons why someone isn't invited, but that doesn't automatically mean they're not important to the couple.

Or hell, maybe they aren't important, and they were purposely left off. Oh well! I stick with my point.. Get over it and move on.

No, that's fine. You can leave people off your guest list. I know plenty of people who have had small weddings. If you are fine with someone not being there, then don't invite them. The problem is not excluding people, it's a) inviting someone to the bachelor party and not the wedding, b) sending someone a last-minute invitation, and c) talking about the wedding at length in front of people who weren't (at the time) invited. Do you not see how those things are rude?

It's ridiculous how many people think that planning a wedding means they can treat other people any way they want, and then the guests are supposed to just suck it up and show up smiling.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

No, that's fine. You can leave people off your guest list. I know plenty of people who have had small weddings. If you are fine with someone not being there, then don't invite them. The problem is not excluding people, it's a) inviting someone to the bachelor party and not the wedding, b) sending someone a last-minute invitation, and c) talking about the wedding at length in front of people who weren't (at the time) invited. Do you not see how those things are rude?

It's ridiculous how many people think that planning a wedding means they can treat other people any way they want, and then the guests are supposed to just suck it up and show up smiling.

I didn't say the bride and groom can treat people like crap. But people get bent out of shape about stupid things, and usually it's in regards to people they never cared that much for to begin with.

So again I say.. Who cares?

And hell, they could have said, "Oh, it got lost in the mail," when in reality, they made a mistake and forgot to send it. I know I've done that before.

Besides, it was the mother of the groom who apparently was being the b****, but now you're going to screw over the bride and groom and give them a gift they can't even use? If that's the case, don't even bother to show up.

[sigmadiva]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

It's ridiculous how many people think that planning a wedding means they can treat other people any way they want, and then the guests are supposed to just suck it up and show up smiling.

I really don't think its that. In the weddings I've been involved in, it was a matter of cost. The couple wanted to invite "everyone", but couldn't afford it. They had to budget for everything.

When you invite people to your wedding you have to factor in the cost per person. Even if you are having a small wedding, there is still a cost to everything.

The idea of an "A" list and "B" list is to make sure who is coming, and the couple can afford to have them there. If some one from the "A" list can't come, then someone from the "B" list will get the invite, and hopefully that person can come. Doing it this way, if the couple has budgeted for 150 people, they can still reach that number and not risk going over. One of the worst things to happen at a wedding is to run out of food!

[SoCalGirl]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Uh, that's the point. I'm sorry, I don't believe in B-list guests. Someone is either important to you, and you find a way to put them on your list, or they aren't. You don't get to have it both ways.

So....I take it you're not a fan of the way chapters have first and second bid lists during recruitment? I don't see a difference. :shrug: