Received a blatant B-list invitation BY PHONE BY PROXY, what to do?

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

Background: My husband and the groom became friends in grade school and have kept in touch. MIL and the groom's mother are BFFs. The groom met a woman and they're getting married in October.

The planned celebrations are ...
- Bachelor party in Vegas, to which my husband was invited. We know the man planning the bachelor party, and he would make "Californication" look like a church picnic. DH turned him down as he is not into hookers and coke.
- Bachelorette party and/or shower - I don't know if these are happening, as I don't know the bride and I would therefore be excluded.
- Engagement party (here's where the shit hits the fan)
- Wedding in October.

The RSVP date for the engagement party was August 5. On August 8, we got a phone call from my MIL, who'd gotten a call from the mother of the groom. We were all suddenly invited to the engagement party and the wedding.

Today (August 9) we received a formal invitation to the wedding. The postmark read August 6.

The groom's family is playing the "your invitation must have gotten lost in the mail" card. Funny how my in-laws' invitation got "lost in the mail" too. The USPS is not THAT incompetent!

What to do? We've already RSVP'd yes to the engagement party and plan on attending the wedding. I am sorely tempted to skimp on the gift, but that would only hurt the groom (I couldn't give two shits about the bride or her family or the groom's family). Perhaps I could ship them something via Am@zon and have it get "lost in the mail"? *evil*

I'm a big fan of the donation to a charity they care about in their name. That way, they get nothing, but can't bitch about it.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I'm a big fan of the donation to a charity they care about in their name. That way, they get nothing, but can't bitch about it.

You can always make a donation in their name to the Human Fund.

People tend to lose all sense of civility, manners and sanity when it comes to weddings. If you do go, promise yourself to have a good time. If you can't see yourself having fun and being able to get past the situation, do yourself a favor plan a night out with your hubby or your friends, crack a bottle of wine, and don't give the wedding another thought.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

You can always make a donation in their name to the Human Fund.

People tend to lose all sense of civility, manners and sanity when it comes to weddings. If you do go, promise yourself to have a good time. If you can't see yourself having fun and being able to get past the situation, do yourself a favor plan a night out with your hubby or your friends, crack a bottle of wine, and don't give the wedding another thought.

I was SO waiting for this!

I say go and have a good time. Drink their drink, eat their food, and have a good ol time wih hubby. So what if you weren't on the A-list? You aren't even that close withe the couple. I agree with whoever said to to have a good time and buy a moderately priced gift.

Don't even buy a new outfit. Wear what you have and have a good time. Even if you decide not to go, it's not the end of the world.

[ASTalumna06]

It's issues like this that make me never want to get married.

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

You can always make a donation in their name to the Human Fund.

People tend to lose all sense of civility, manners and sanity when it comes to weddings. If you do go, promise yourself to have a good time. If you can't see yourself having fun and being able to get past the situation, do yourself a favor plan a night out with your hubby or your friends, crack a bottle of wine, and don't give the wedding another thought.

Two Seinfeld references on Greekchat in the same day?! Awesome.

And I agree. I love weddings, but everyone makes it about THEM. At my brother's wedding a few months ago, my aunt turned to me during their first dance and said, "I hate that these dances seem to go on forever. They should cut the song off halfway through." Ugh. Shut up. My brother sat through your first dance a few years back, now you should do the same for him.

A wedding is about the BRIDE and GROOM. It's amazing how many people forget that.

And if someone that you don't really care that much for just happens to "offend" you in a minor way, be the bigger person, brush it off, and move on with your life.

People can invite whoever they want. Quite frankly, I want to invite no one to my wedding.

Vegas, baby!

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

People can invite whoever they want. Quite frankly, I want to invite no one to my wedding.

Vegas, baby!

A-freaking-men. At one point, I was so sick of the wedding planning that I joked that we should elope. In front of my MIL. Big mistake. Cue MIL tantrum. "I ***WILL*** BE AT ***MY SON'S WEDDING*** !!!!!!!!!!" (whine, whine, lie on floor kicking and screaming - I kid you not - my MIL is a toddler in a 65yo body)

A wedding is about the BRIDE and GROOM. It's amazing how many people forget that.

Again, a-freaking-men.

[Munchkin03]

Why does this not even seem like a Thing to me?

First off, I see the donation thing as being deliberately snarky and more than a little catty. I get joy from picking out wedding gifts for my friends--usually I stick to the registry but I have gone off-script for something that I know the bride/groom really want or need (ie., Lowe's Gift Card to my BFF and his wife, who spend all their free money on their home remodel). Making a donation to someone to deny them a gift is sanctimonious.

Secondly, I like Ellebud's advice. Go, get a gift, and call it a day. Also, the MOG may have been talking out of her ass about y'all being invited anyhow. She may have had no clue about the venue, what it could hold, or who her son and his bride were obligated to invite. It seems that, unless they're paying for all of it, the groom's side ends up getting shafted in terms of guests anyway.

Third, weddings can bring out the rudeness and cattiness in not only the guests, and the party, but also the bride and groom as well. I have never seen so many scores settled by brides/grooms excluding people from invites, seating arrangements, and the like under the guise of "well, it's all about us!" Rudeness is never acceptable, even when it is "your day."

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Why does this not even seem like a Thing to me?

You aren't the only one.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

First off, I see the donation thing as being deliberately snarky and more than a little catty.

Uh, that's the point. I'm sorry, I don't believe in B-list guests. Someone is either important to you, and you find a way to put them on your list, or they aren't. You don't get to have it both ways. This case is especially egregious because hubby was invited to the bachelor party.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Someone is either important to you, and you find a way to put them on your list, or they aren't. You don't get to have it both ways.

THIS is the problem. To most people invited = important/loved/the best, and not invited = why are we even friends?

Sometimes it's too expensive.. Or the couple wants a small wedding.. Or someone is forgotten.. Or whatever. There could be a million different reasons why someone isn't invited, but that doesn't automatically mean they're not important to the couple.

Or hell, maybe they aren't important, and they were purposely left off. Oh well! I stick with my point.. Get over it and move on.

[SoCalGirl]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Uh, that's the point. I'm sorry, I don't believe in B-list guests. Someone is either important to you, and you find a way to put them on your list, or they aren't. You don't get to have it both ways.

So....I take it you're not a fan of the way chapters have first and second bid lists during recruitment? I don't see a difference. :shrug: