Adopting a Snowflake

[carnation]

Drole--I don't care. You're not even a blip on my horizon!

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by carnation

Drole--I don't care. You're not even a blip on my horizon!

Suuuuuuure.
Quick send all your friends a PM to let them know you got me with that zinger!

[carnation]

I don't have to. You do a good job of making yourself look bad.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by carnation

I don't have to. You do a good job of making yourself look bad.

Try not to care about me a little harder this time. You can do it! I believe in you!

[carnation]

[honeychile]

One of my closest sisters was unable to conceive, and her husband's religion didn't allow for IVF, so they decided to adopt. KSUViolet described the situation SOO well, I won't repeat it, only where Sister lives (San Diego County), the definition of a healthy white baby is one who is ONLY addicted to cocaine. They decided to try international adoption.

After passing all of the psychological and other tests, they were sent a catalog (for lack of a better word) of available children. They saw 2 sisters, 10 months & 2 years old, and fell in love. They were approved, and it was off to Romania!

Only to find out the FIVE couples were approved for these sisters! If that wasn't bad enough, these two children became unavailable because their mother showed up. Like the other four couples, they decided not to leave without a baby. They found a 2 year old girl, and adopted her.

Sister & her husband have money and haves PhDs. Daughter got the best of everything, including education, and life was good.

Fast-forward to sixth grade. Sister & Husband were called in to talk to the school psychologist. Daughter was high functioning, but would never be able to live alone. You see, before she was adopted, Daughter had never had anything to eat other than cold milk and orange juice. She had never been out of a crib. So, while she was healthy physically, the deprivation of much needed nutrition didn't allow her brain to function properly.

Daughter is now 20. She is absolutely beautiful, very polite, and tries very hard. But she cannot process problems, so she can't drive, or do anything that takes a quick decision. Sister & Husband wouldn't have missed the opportunity to raise a child, but occasionally, something slips that makes you realize that they worry about Daughter's future. What will happen when they're gone? Will some man take advantage of her?

I'm not against international adoption, but I do think that, at least in Sister's case, there needs to be more honesty. Who would have thought that a two-year-old would have never eaten, or been out of a crib?

Anytime someone has a child, no matter how it's conceived, there's a possibility of problems. If you can't handle that thought, you really shouldn't be having children in any way!

[pinkyphimu]

My friend has used IVF to conceive two of her children. She had two eggs left from her last cycle..two years ago. She and her husband decided to implant them recently even knowing that the likelihood they would be viable was very low. Well, she is pregnant with twins. They knew they didn't want to donate the eggs. I know it cost them a fortune over the last 7 years to have these children. They are very happy, but it is not an easy or inexpensive road. From my understanding, the people who would be potential adopters for the eggs were couples who failed in IVF. At least with her doctor, some couple off the street couldn't walk in and request to adopt a snowflake!

As far as the adoption route, I have worked with several students who were adopted from abroad. They have what is considered institutional autism. Their upbringing in the orphanage without social contact has significantly impacted their ability to interact with others, maintain appropriate behavior (e.g. not becoming aggressive or self-injurious) when things don't go the way they want, etc., etc. And the families have suffered significantly as well. Most of the couples are divorced.

Another friend fostered a girl for over a year before she was able to adopt her. She had been told she had ADHD. Well, now that he has reached school age, she is demonstrating significant behavioral difficulties which are indicative of something more than ADHD. My friend is working with the school, the post-adoptive agency, and other resources to help her daughter. In a lot of ways, my friend is prepared to help her...a master's in severe special needs education...and over 10 years experience with children with significant behavioral needs. Not all families are that lucky!

I think there is a fairy tale ideal that most people believe will happen when you consider adoption, but that is not true.