He, she or it? Family keeps baby's gender a secret

[BluPhire]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Referendum or not, I was only replying to your post. In the context in which we were typing, you ended with "that's life...just pray God gives kids strong parents who will try to teach them how to handle this gender stuff." That implies that people shouldn't wrestle with this too much because God and strong parenting will figure it all out. While I firmly believe in God and strong parenting as a foundation, I do not believe in concluding such discussions with God and strong parenting as though it solves and silences the issue. That happens all the time when people discuss such topics, hence my response.

But that's the whole point.

My response when I invoked God was in response to this portion.

ETA: Regardless of the statement that the parents are making, I really hope these children aren't emotionally and mentally harmed by any of this. Children are mentally and emotionally negatively (and positively) impacted by gender everyday.

Which is why I say I think you took my words a little further than they were suppose to.

But that's the beauty of the internet, unless we are face to face, normal conversations that would have been picked up on do not always translate over the interwebs, unless you carefully type out every aspect of what you are referring to. As for your belief in not concluding with God, I would agree if we were having a debate on what defines a strong parent. That was just conversation.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

Forgive me if this has already been brought up, but what about the other 2 children? What makes this one different from the other 2?

If the parents are trying to make a statement, why wasn't this done from the get-go?

It's making me assume that Storm is a girl. That's what is different...lol. They are boys. Wouldn't that be a hoot if that were true? Makes it seem like they are ashamed of a girl.

There are ways to give children choices WITHIN parameters that a parent sets. I did not let my daughter wear whatever she wanted when she was 2/3 because she didn't always understand that the weather or the occasion dictates what is appropriate to wear. I did have her help me shop for her own clothes and I did offer her the choice of two outfits that met the right weather/formality. She wasn't wearing sweat pants to a wedding and she wasn't wearing shorts and a tank top in the middle of winter.

If kids were capable of making all of their own decisions, they would be adults.

[Munchkin03]

The first time I read this, in a Yahoo! article, I thought that it was pretty cool. They weren't raising their children based on others' expectations of what boys and girls should do--granted, they're doing it in an extreme manner.

Then I read the Toronto Star article, that discussed more about them, and they just struck me as super tripped out on themselves. They kind of reminded me of LN, the character played by Maggie Gyllenhaal in "Away We Go." They also reminded me of people I went to college with who were super annoying.

If anything, the "no-schooling" bothers me more than the genderless upbringing. Kids need the social structure of school...even progressive programs like Waldorf and Montessori still have some structure!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

If anything, the "no-schooling" bothers me more than the genderless upbringing. Kids need the social structure of school...even progressive programs like Waldorf and Montessori still have some structure!

I agree. I opened up a huge can of worms once with some pro-homeschooling people over this once. I don't think that homeschool is devil or anything, just that some people do it with the goal of isolating their kids socially (ex: saying things like "I don't want him/her to be influenced by other kids at school.")

[PiKA2001]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

some people do it with the goal of isolating their kids socially (ex: saying things like "I don't want him/her to be influenced by other kids at school.")

That's another thing-

I was wondering if these kids interact socially with other kids and I'm willing to bet the answer is NO.

[AnotherKD]

Originally Posted by PiKA2001

That's another thing-

I was wondering if these kids interact socially with other kids and I'm willing to bet the answer is NO.

I vaguely remember the story (it's not coming up on my computer now) about the kids trying to play with others, but the others didn't want to play with a "girl-boy" or something like that. Instead of trying to teach the other kids tolerance, the parents would just take their different-looking kid away. Same with when they wanted to buy that boa for the one boy- when the person at the counter questioned the purchase, they just left. So it seems like the parents are setting these kids up for failure by a lot of what they are doing and how they are handling (or not handling) hurdles that will inevitably come up.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by PiKA2001

That's another thing-

I was wondering if these kids interact socially with other kids and I'm willing to bet the answer is NO.

No, they don't. The article in the Toronto Star is a lot more open about how unconventional they are. One of the two boys asked not to interact with any other kids because they make fun of him.

Kids need other kids. I know parents who did not like children (other than their own) and as a result did not encourage their kids to spend time with potential friends and peers...that is a pretty damaging thing to do to a child. This is far more willful and, I expect, more damaging.

Again--the "unschooling" thing bothers me more than the gender-neutral parenting.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

One of the two boys asked not to interact with any other kids because they make fun of him.

And he isn't the only kid who feels that way. There are a lot of kids who would not go to school if they had the choice, not because they hate school but because they hate the kids at school for whatever reasons. Of course, all of the kids at school are generally saying and doing what they have learned from the (even Godly and strong parenting ) adults.

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Kids need other kids. I know parents who did not like children (other than their own) and as a result did not encourage their kids to spend time with potential friends and peers...that is a pretty damaging thing to do to a child. This is far more willful and, I expect, more damaging.

All things in moderation. But, life is so complex and non-formulaic that moderation can be extremely difficult.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by BluPhire

But that's the whole point.

My response when I invoked God was in response to this portion.

LOL. I know what it was in response to. My response to your response remains. I also know that God and strong parenting can buffer some of the effects of that other stuff.