He, she or it? Family keeps baby's gender a secret

[AnotherKD]

One of the biggest problems I have with the family is that they are letting their 5-year-old decide whether or not he wants to have any sort of education at this point. 5-year-olds aren't equipped to make lots of sorts of decisions, and going to school or even having some sort of homeschooling lessons is not high on many's agendas. What happens next year or the year after? If he still doesn't want to have any schooling, will the parents really make him? Seems like a lack of parental responsibility to me.

Same goes with what the kids eat. Sure, they need protein and vitamins and nutritious stuff to make them healthy and strong, but he wants to eat Fruit Roll-Ups all day, fine with me!

Between letting their kids pick out what they want to wear (which, by the way, I'm fine with), deciding what they want to do day in and day out, and what they want to eat, it doesn't sound like these parents are doing much of anything.

[TonyB06]

WTH?? ...bad idea.

((Storm and siblings)) Let's hope yall don't need to spend too much time on the counselors's couch, that appears to be clearly likely in yall's future.

parents. need. a. clue. correction. ...several. clues.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

That's how some families have done it. You know that it can be a constant struggle whether you tell people the biological sex or not.

In fact, gender can be a struggle even when people are socialized with traditional gender norms. Kids can notice early in their lives that they don't fit them; or they can discover later in life that they never felt "like a boy/man." And that doesn't just apply to children who are considered "dual gendered" or transgendered. "Normal" children also experience gender constrast and gender battles.

For me, the bottom line is that I want my (future) children to have the courage to be who they are. That means that my home needs to be a haven of support. I grew up as a "tomboy," which now I'm realizing is really just a nice way of saying your girl kid acts too much like a boy.

I became a woman who has turned the Christian Haustafel on its ear in my own marriage. I find that my lifestyle is looked upon unfavorable by a lot of women who have more traditional marriages. I'm "lazy," even though the reality is that I'm utilizing my strengths to the benefit of my family.

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

One of the biggest problems I have with the family is that they are letting their 5-year-old decide whether or not he wants to have any sort of education at this point. 5-year-olds aren't equipped to make lots of sorts of decisions, and going to school or even having some sort of homeschooling lessons is not high on many's agendas. What happens next year or the year after? If he still doesn't want to have any schooling, will the parents really make him? Seems like a lack of parental responsibility to me.

Same goes with what the kids eat. Sure, they need protein and vitamins and nutritious stuff to make them healthy and strong, but he wants to eat Fruit Roll-Ups all day, fine with me!

Between letting their kids pick out what they want to wear (which, by the way, I'm fine with), deciding what they want to do day in and day out, and what they want to eat, it doesn't sound like these parents are doing much of anything.

I agree with you to an extent. However, I imagine that, with this freedom comes responsibility. At least I hope so. It would for me. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if this course of action were to lead to an earlier adulthood and more confidence in the children.

[AnotherKD]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

I agree with you to an extent. However, I imagine that, with this freedom comes responsibility. At least I hope so. It would for me. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if this course of action were to lead to an earlier adulthood and more confidence in the children.

Well, yes, but responsibility in a toddler/kindergartener is more like if they have the wherewithal to pick up their toys and let their parents know when they have to go to the bathroom so they don't continue to be in diapers or pull-ups until they're 7 years old. I think that the responsibility to choose what is best for the child as far as development growth is concerned (food, education, etc) should at least be seriously encouraged by the parents, but I don't see that happening here at all.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

For me, the bottom line is that I want my (future) children to have the courage to be who they are. That means that my home needs to be a haven of support. I grew up as a "tomboy," which now I'm realizing is really just a nice way of saying your girl kid acts too much like a boy.

Yeah and I used to brag about being a tomboy until I became a young adult and said "wait...wtf am I calling myself a tomboy for and bragging about it?!" I was buying into the gender hype.

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

I became a woman who has turned the Christian Haustafel on its ear in my own marriage. I find that my lifestyle is looked upon unfavorable by a lot of women who have more traditional marriages. I'm "lazy," even though the reality is that I'm utilizing my strengths to the benefit of my family.

I can relate. I'd love to read more about this if you wrote a book about your "story."

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I'd love to read more about this if you wrote a book about your "story."

You know I've considered it seriously. I'd be tempted to reveal a lot, which might prove scandalous within my church and family. I wouldn't mind it a bit, but I'm not the only one who would be affected.