How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by atrianglepi

I am a newby to Greek Chat, but this thread is right up my alley. I have a daughter who will be going through recruitment at an SEC school in a few weeks. She is a multi-generational legacy. That being said, I have NO pre-conceived notions that she will join the atrianglepi's. I remember seeing something in my Adelphean a few years back about legacies not being guaranteed a bid due to numbers. I have explained this to my daughter and have told her that if she gets a bid to any chapter, I will be happy for her and that I hope she has the same wonderful experience I had/have with my chapter. I saw the facebook thing and laughed. People read your Alumni Magazine!

Best of luck to little atrianglepi! Please keep us posted!

FWIW, I've told the story often, but in the late 70's, my chapter was forced to bid a five-generation legacy. She really didn't want to go greek at all, and did the very least she could, including getting inititated at Convention and then changing schools.

I would be willing to bet that is one of the reasons some legacies are being ignored; they don't want to be there. Rather than mandate that all legacies must be on the Bid List, it's better to bid a woman with a great background and is happy to accept that bid!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by honeychile

I would be willing to bet that is one of the reasons some legacies are being ignored; they don't want to be there.

This happens too.

Now i'm not saying that EVERY legacy acts this way, but I think sometimes parents don't get that they weren't THERE to see how their child acted at their legacy houses' party.

Sometimes, legacies don't WANT an invite. So they act accordingly.

Not saying they are outright bitchy, but some of them have at look of "don't want to be here" going on, and they're just obviously uninterested.

So they get cut, and mom is wondering how on Earth it happened, not realizing that her kid didn't want to go XYZ in the first place.

She obviously doesn't want to cut XYZ (mom would be upset) so she just gets cut herself. She'd also rather be cut than tell mom she's not interested.

I think our policies are in place so that we don't have to bid THAT legacy and she can seek out opportunities elsewhere.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

This happens too.

Now i'm not saying that EVERY legacy acts this way, but I think sometimes parents don't get that they weren't THERE to see how their child acted at their legacy houses' party.

Sometimes, legacies don't WANT an invite. So they act accordingly.

Not saying they are outright bitchy, but some of them have at look of "don't want to be here" going on, and they're just obviously uninterested.

So they get cut, and mom is wondering how on Earth it happened, not realizing that her kid didn't want to go XYZ in the first place.

She obviously doesn't want to cut XYZ (mom would be upset) so she just gets cut herself. She'd also rather be cut than tell mom she's not interested.

I think our policies are in place so that we don't have to bid THAT legacy and she can seek out opportunities elsewhere.

You know, I had a legacy sit down with me a pref one year and ask my, "Why should I pledge AOII? Just because my mom was an AOII?" She said it with such an attitude that it really put me off. At that point I told her, "Look, if you don't want to be here, don't put us on your bid list, because if I see you coming down my hallway tomorrow, it better be because you want to be there." By the time pref came around, I wasn't going to play that game.

[SWTXBelle]

I guess I'm lucky - my youngest will be going through recruitment in a year, but at a campus which doesn't have my sorority. It doesn't have her paternal grandmother's (Pi Phi), but it does have Chi Omega, her step-grandmother's. I really, really just want her to pledge any of the fine groups on the campus. My only inclination towards Chi Omega is because I would love for my mother-in-law's beautiful 70 year old badge to be worn! Honestly, I am so active in my alumnae panhellenic that I will welcome the opportunity to share sorority membership with her with ANY group.

[exlurker]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

I guess I'm lucky - my youngest will be going through recruitment in a year, but at a campus which doesn't have my sorority. It doesn't have her paternal grandmother's (Pi Phi), but it does have Chi Omega, her step-grandmother's. I really, really just want her to pledge any of the fine groups on the campus. My only inclination towards Chi Omega is because I would love for my mother-in-law's beautiful 70 year old badge to be worn! Honestly, I am so active in my alumnae panhellenic that I will welcome the opportunity to share sorority membership with her with ANY group.

SWTXBelle, you have a great outlook, I think. As you most likely know, though, Chi Omega doesn't consider the grandmother - granddaughter relationship as being a "legacy" situation. (Chi O isn't alone in this; it's my understanding that at least one other NPC group now says that legacies are daughters or sisters -- not granddaughters or great-granddaughters, etc.)

[lyrelyre]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I'm so lucky my mom was sane and mature and even though I was the one to rank her chapter lower than Sigma Kappa, she never would have THOUGHT about taking it out on me, my happiness, my new chapter or the collegiate chapter of her sorority.

It seems that (with many alumnae) it's often acceptable for their daughter to release the chapter, but not for the chapter to release their daughter.

Originally Posted by Happy Mom

I would have loved for her to pledge any of the Sororities.

Did she withdraw from recruitment?

[Happy Mom]

Originally Posted by lyrelyre

Did she withdraw from recruitment?

No she was "released" the morning of Pref Day. She was asked back to several houses and kept her options open but was cut.

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by exlurker

SWTXBelle, you have a great outlook, I think. As you most likely know, though, Chi Omega doesn't consider the grandmother - granddaughter relationship as being a "legacy" situation. (Chi O isn't alone in this; it's my understanding that at least one other NPC group now says that legacies are daughters or sisters -- not granddaughters or great-granddaughters, etc.)

Oh, I know. And since her grandmother is deceased, it's rather a moot point in terms of recs (although I do expect to get a good Chi O rec from the Chi O daughter of my mil's best friend and Chi O sister!) It would simply be special for the badge to continue on in the family.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

You know, I had a legacy sit down with me a pref one year and ask my, "Why should I pledge AOII? Just because my mom was an AOII?" She said it with such an attitude that it really put me off. At that point I told her, "Look, if you don't want to be here, don't put us on your bid list, because if I see you coming down my hallway tomorrow, it better be because you want to be there." By the time pref came around, I wasn't going to play that game.

Good for you!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by FleurGirl

This is the biggest thing to me. If the chapter doesn't fit her, why on earth would you want her there? If I were a mom, I'd much rather see my daughter find HER home. Would I love it if she were a Kappa? Of course. But I'd rather her be truly happy somewhere else than stuck in a chapter she doesn't love. At the end of the day, these moms need to figure out what's more important: having her daughter in her house, or having her daughter be happy?

Or worse yet, to have her be stuck in a chapter that doesn't love her, and that refers to her behind her back as "the girl we HAD to take because she's a legacy."

Originally Posted by Happy Mom

We were told in the 70's (by National) that unless a legacy had something horribly wrong with them, we had to take them. Until last year, none of my sisters (who have been meeting for reunions for years) had any idea that the policy had changed.

I'm guessing you're from the South and so this really didn't apply in your neck of the woods, but in the 1970s chapters (of ALL Greek groups) were dropping like flies in the rest of the country. National HQs were not about to tick off alums and lose $$ when they were already hemorrhaging it - so if there was a 2 headed legacy who wanted in, here's the welcome mat.

A moral of this story is that it's great to keep in contact with your chapter sisters, but you need to keep up to date on national policies as well. That doesn't just apply to legacies but also to alumnae status and other things.