How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[Psi U MC Vito]

Originally Posted by Splash

My friend's step-mother is a Phi Mu. Is my friend a Phi Mu legacy? Yes or no?

Your friend should ask her stepmother. From what I understand it depends on the sorority.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by gee_ess

Honestly, like so many other things in the world, it takes education, education, education. No one ever pays attention to the details of something until it pertains to their own lives - and recruitment is no different.

Our GLOs can do a lot to help themselves by focusing heavily on this aspect of recruitment with alumnae. Maybe they need to go into some of these more competitive regions and hold workshops or something. And, active chapters need to communicate each spring or summer with those alum groups that are primarily associated with that chapter. I do know that goes on at some chapters and helps.

Ahh, recruitment. Gotta love it!

So true!

Continued communication with the alumnae groups helps a whole lot. Even if it's just an hour long workshop to get alumnae "up to speed" with how recruitment works now and address the legacy policy and issues related to that.

On the other hand, upon hearing that there are x number of lrgacies in recruitment and that the chapter will not be able to take them all, how many of those parents are actually going to take that to mean "MY daughter could potentially not receive a bid here?"

I'd imagine that the parents who most need to hear that, are going to hear it and think "my Becky is exceptional so she'll probably make the cut anyway" and completely disregard everything that is said to prepare them.

Originally Posted by 33girl

Don't feel bad ADPis, I've already had to call some of my sisters out for being too loose-lipped re policies, etc on Facebook. Everyone got too used to saying whatever on SisterCircle and now they forget Facebook isn't a protected area.

Same for us too. I've had to pop onto our FB site and remind folks of that a few times.

[Splash]

Originally Posted by Psi U MC Vito

Your friend should ask her stepmother. From what I understand it depends on the sorority.

Correct, which is why I specified the sorority. Also, her step-mother died already.

[groovypq]

Originally Posted by Low C Sharp

Re: chapters being forced to take legacies, it happens on occasion in Ann Rivers Siddons's books. One obese student in "Heartbreak Hotel" is pledged under alumni pressure so strong that the organization almost threatens to pull the chapter charter. The obese student is described as not merely a legacy, but having multiple ties to highly placed people in the national organization who are also rich/powerful leaders in that state. Siddons depicts this kind of thing happening in both fraternities and sororities (in different books).

This is fiction, of course. but she knows whereof she speaks. My guess is that when she describes SEC chapter operations in the 50s, she doesn't need to make anything up.

I remember a similar story in the first of that "Freshman Year" series back when I was younger ("Freshman Dorm," maybe?). The one girl's roommate was overweight and shy, but a legacy to THE group on campus (Beta Beta Beta, I think, which is amusing because IRL that's a biology honorary). One of the friends decides to go through rush with her (yep, still rush) and is horrified to find out that Tri-Beta HAS to take her because she's a legacy, but will haze her so she drops out.

Gotta love those early-90s teen novels...

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

On the other hand, upon hearing that there are x number of legacies in recruitment and that the chapter will not be able to take them all, how many of those parents are actually going to take that to mean "MY daughter could potentially not receive a bid here?"

I'd imagine that the parents who most need to hear that, are going to hear it and think "my Becky is exceptional so she'll probably make the cut anyway" and completely disregard everything that is said to prepare them.

They're the same ones who won't attend those suggested information sessions.

[lyrelyre]

Originally Posted by agzg

My guess would be that the mom's who do the over-dramatized, "I'm not paying for any sorority but ABC," "HOW DARE YOU CUT MY DAUGHTER!?!!" thing are probably either A. used to getting their way, so they think a bid is guaranteed, or B. completely self-centered and have a feeling of high entitlement, so they think a bid is guaranteed.

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

They're the same ones who won't attend those suggested information sessions.

They are also the same ones who don't even know about the information sessions because they haven't updated their address with headquarters since princess was born.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Splash

My friend's step-mother is a Phi Mu. Is my friend a Phi Mu legacy? Yes or no?

Be a big girl and go look it up yourself. Or tell your "friend" to.

Or do a search.

Or do something for yourself.

[LaneSig]

Originally Posted by Low C Sharp

Re: chapters being forced to take legacies, it happens on occasion in Ann Rivers Siddons's books. One obese student in "Heartbreak Hotel" is pledged under alumni pressure so strong that the organization almost threatens to pull the chapter charter. The obese student is described as not merely a legacy, but having multiple ties to highly placed people in the national organization who are also rich/powerful leaders in that state. Siddons depicts this kind of thing happening in both fraternities and sororities (in different books).

This is fiction, of course. but she knows whereof she speaks. My guess is that when she describes SEC chapter operations in the 50s, she doesn't need to make anything up.

Originally Posted by carnation

The obese student in Heartbreak Hotel, Terry, is a guy. It seems like guys still come under a lot of alum pressure, though, because they don't have quotas.

Anne Rivers Siddons is a Tri Delt from the Auburn chapter so she's probably right on about a bunch of stuff ("Randolph University" is actually Auburn). I know several people who were in the chapter with her and they said that far from being the rebel that her protagonist is portrayed as, she was a very proper, rule-following girl.

ETA: there was one chapter I worked with in the seventies that refused to pledge the daughter of the alum club's president. This was rough. They loved the president, everyone did, but her daughter was, um, quite wild. To this day I'm not sure how the chapter got away with that.

/crash

Anne Rivers Siddons did address legacies for both sororities and fraternities. Carnation is correct in "Heartbreak Hotel", the fraternity is forced to take the pledge, but everybody ends up loving him.

Low C Sharp is thinking of "Outer Banks", where the sorority is forced to take what they call a "Triple - grandmother, mother, aunt". They end up tolerating the new sister, but it's due to her own behavior.

[carnation]

Oh yeah! Isn't the forced new member the one who tries to kill everybody later?

[LaneSig]

^^yes

[FleurGirl]

Originally Posted by gee_ess

With regard to the pain felt by the moms, I think they are most hurt that by getting cut, the chapter is saying the group doesn't like their daughters. That is truly the bottom line to all this emotion.

This is the biggest thing to me. If the chapter doesn't fit her, why on earth would you want her there? If I were a mom, I'd much rather see my daughter find HER home. Would I love it if she were a Kappa? Of course. But I'd rather her be truly happy somewhere else than stuck in a chapter she doesn't love. At the end of the day, these moms need to figure out what's more important: having her daughter in her house, or having her daughter be happy?

[KSUViolet06]

I wonder how truly supportive some moms are of their kids who end up pledging elsewhere?

I have heard stories of moms who are fully supportive, attend Parent's Day events, the whole nine yards.

Then I have heard of others who make it really tough for their child by constantly lamenting the fact that they're not XYZ. Sometimes that girl drops out of her sorority before initiation because mom just doesn't approve. Or she insists that she transfer to another school, try to get a bid, initiate, and transfer back.

At what point do you say "I just want Suzy to be happy?"

I mean, harping on it to the point that your kid quits her chapter, or telling her she HAS to drop out and attempt to pledge elsewhere, doesn't make her any more XYZ.

It just wastes a year that she could spend HAPPY in her chapter that she received a bid from.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

At what point do you say "I just want Suzy to be happy?"

When you grow the hell up and stop making your daughter's life about you?

I'm so lucky my mom was sane and mature and even though I was the one to rank her chapter lower than Sigma Kappa, she never would have THOUGHT about taking it out on me, my happiness, my new chapter or the collegiate chapter of her sorority.

[atrianglepi]

I am a newby to Greek Chat, but this thread is right up my alley. I have a daughter who will be going through recruitment at an SEC school in a few weeks. She is a multi-generational legacy. That being said, I have NO pre-conceived notions that she will join the atrianglepi's. I remember seeing something in my Adelphean a few years back about legacies not being guaranteed a bid due to numbers. I have explained this to my daughter and have told her that if she gets a bid to any chapter, I will be happy for her and that I hope she has the same wonderful experience I had/have with my chapter. I saw the facebook thing and laughed. People read your Alumni Magazine!

[gee_ess]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I wonder how truly supportive some moms are of their kids who end up pledging elsewhere?


Then I have heard of others who make it really tough for their child by constantly lamenting the fact that they're not XYZ. Sometimes that girl drops out of her sorority before initiation because mom just doesn't approve. Or she insists that she transfer to another school, try to get a bid, initiate, and transfer back.

At what point do you say "I just want Suzy to be happy?"

Not a situation where the legacy chapter cut the legacy, but...
I was rush advisor the year that a big legacy at XYZ chose Kappa over her mom's chapter. The mom was in town for rush (not unusual at this campus) and when she learned the daughter put KKG number 1 instead of XYZ, the mom left town and refused to attend Bid Day celebrations. She never attended a Mom's Day event either.

Nice one.