More Men are Marrying Wealthier Women

[agzg]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I'll bite. For me I think it's great that women are achieving their goals. I don't have a problem with her making more money than me. But on the flip side of that, either way, whether she's making more than me or not, I strongly believe it is still the husband's ultimate responsibility to provide for his wife and family. Not only is he to meet her needs financially, but emotionally and physically too. Folks can do it the way they see fit, but this is how I was raised to be, and I'm not going to adapt to what it has turned into. I don't think women are inferior to men, she is his equal. In fact, if I had a daughter I would make sure she's educated so she wouldn't have to depend on a man, or anybody for that matter, but at the same time, if she were to marry, he'd better make sure he's meeting her needs financially, emotionally, and physically, otherwise he's got to go. I don't care if she's making double what he's making, he's still the provider. That's one thing I cannot stand is a lame, lazy azz man.

Instead of being passive aggressive, I guess I'll respond directly.

I don't bite on the "meeting her needs finanically, emotionally, and physically." Obviously emotional and physical needs should be met by one's partner, regardless of husband or wife status. It's the financial part that really sticks in my craw.

If I make $400,000.00 per year, are my "financial needs" the same as any other woman's? If yes, then I call bullshit. That's not equality. I should be meeting my husband's financial needs just as much as he meets my own.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by agzg

Instead of being passive aggressive, I guess I'll respond directly.

I don't bite on the "meeting her needs finanically, emotionally, and physically." Obviously emotional and physical needs should be met by one's partner, regardless of husband or wife status. It's the financial part that really sticks in my craw.

If I make $400,000.00 per year, are my "financial needs" the same as any other woman's? If yes, then I call bullshit. That's not equality. I should be meeting my husband's financial needs just as much as he meets my own.

I have a lot of wild thoughts about this whole thing, just flying around in my head. I'll write more as I'm able.

And, furthermore, is it any of a father's business if his daughter's physical needs are being met by a man?

[agzg]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I have a lot of wild thoughts about this whole thing, just flying around in my head. I'll write more as I'm able.

And, furthermore, is it any of a father's business if his daughter's physical needs are being met by a man?

That depends on what one means by "physical needs." I'd say that a father would ideally want his daughter to be happy/content in her marriage and that's definitely a part of the picture, and it shouldn't go beyond that. If it causes the breakdown of a marriage, a simple "it's not going to work out because I'm unhappy, Dad" should suffice.

Unless I'm wrong and fathers generally do sit around thinking about his daughter's sex life. Obviously, the relationship between the daughter and the father would play a role, too (some dads and daughters are more open or have different relationship dynamics).

[DrPhil]

And then they fall back on religion or notions of "manhood" with no consideration to how these might (depending on interpretation) go against gender equality.

[agzg]

Hmmm... I suppose I'm having a hard time looking outside of my own relationship with my father. I also think that the place where I am in life (age, career-wise) tinges my view on these subjects because... many potential candidates for Mr. agzg, while they may be in successful careers, are only at the start of their careers, and most of them make peanuts.

As do I. So I just figure, live-in puts his peanuts with my peanuts and together we have enough peanut butter for the whole month. Obviously I'm having a hard time envisioning one of us making drastically more or less than the other and what that will look like, although I am aware of the possibility of that happening.

Put that last paragraph in context of the chastity pledges and we have a whooole different meaning.

And I just talked myself in circles.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by agzg

Hmmm... I suppose I'm having a hard time looking outside of my own relationship with my father. I also think that the place where I am in life (age, career-wise) tinges my view on these subjects because... many potential candidates for Mr. agzg, while they may be in successful careers, are only at the start of their careers, and most of them make peanuts.

As do I. So I just figure, live-in puts his peanuts with my peanuts and together we have enough peanut butter for the whole month. Obviously I'm having a hard time envisioning one of us making drastically more or less than the other and what that will look like, although I am aware of the possibility of that happening.

You don't see how it's going to happen, but it will. I remember when I had my first job out of grad school, making nothing. I make over 2 times that amount now, and it's only been about 4.5 years. It may not happen that quickly, but it will happen.

Even though I made peanuts, I made much more and have more education than my former "live-in." It didn't become an issue until I got out of school, started working for a while, and my social life changed. It wasn't hanging out with old friends in a similar spot anymore; a lot of it was based on meeting new women from my sorority chapter, going to Happy Hours with my college alumni association, and meeting new people. Whereas once every few years he had to wear a suit for a social event, there were events all the time that required business wear, and sometimes even black tie (needless to say, I didn't even think about bringing him along to the white-tie events I helped organize). This wasn't just my group of friends at that time--this was the world that I was raised to be a part of.

It was hard to bring him into that world, and he didn't want to be brought into it, either. Add that to the stress of being the "breadwinner," and it was a recipe for disaster.

It wasn't just because he made less, either. It was income + education + comfort with being around people with more income and education. That's why I can say that I can stomach being with someone who could potentially make less than I IFF they're as educated as I am, can bring something similar to the table, and can feel comfortable. Schoolteachers and public interest lawyers can probably feel comfortable in my world. The grocery checkout guy? The cook/car salesman/retail guy who can't hold down a job long enough to get insurance? Probably not.

So, this isn't simply someone saying what she could never do. I did it, this is how it worked out, and this is why I'll never do it again in that manner.

[APhi Sailorgirl]

Ok all this father daughter chastity talk screams Joe Simpson to me. Anyone else??

I make more than my husband. He's ok with that. I have more earning potential salary wise. He has more work potential and OT. We joke I'm his sugarmomma and whatnot. It's not a big deal to him or us because we're a team in our marriage.

And besides the financial side, he provides in other ways. Like being a huge DIYer around the house so we never have to pay a pro. Or doing 1/2 the household duties.

I would rather have that than a huge paycheck from him.

[AGDee]

The father/daughter chastity stuff makes me sick to my stomach. I think it is creepy. But hey, I had a crappy relationship with my dad and can't imagine ever discussing anything about intimacy with him.

[Brett]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I just think that everyone has their own views on what a relationship should be about. That's why I wouldn't be with a guy unless we had similar goals, and views of what a relationship/marriage is. Not everyone thinks the same way about it, so if whatever works for you and your Mr. then don't change it. I also don't believe in separate bank accounts, because no matter what kind of income I'm making, I believe what's mine is his and vise versa. However, I also want to feel and know that I'm financially secure with the guy I marry, so our financial goals and views need to match. I also know that he has financial, physical, and emotional needs that I should be meeting. It's just that I think it should work both ways.

It's obvious you've never been married before, because you're living in a pefect world. Let's see how long you want a joint account when money comes up missing and you can't pinpoint where it went. I love the whole "what's mine is his and vise versa" garbage. It doens't work like that.

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

It wasn't just because he made less, either. It was income + education + comfort with being around people with more income and education. That's why I can say that I can stomach being with someone who could potentially make less than I IFF they're as educated as I am, can bring something similar to the table, and can feel comfortable. Schoolteachers and public interest lawyers can probably feel comfortable in my world. The grocery checkout guy? The cook/car salesman/retail guy who can't hold down a job long enough to get insurance? Probably not.

You're kidding me. What's wrong with the grocery check out dude or the other dudes you mentioned? You sound a little shallow. Would you be a little ticked if some dude said he wouldn't date you for shallow, somewhat stupid reasons?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Brett

You're kidding me. What's wrong with the grocery check out dude or the other dudes you mentioned? You sound a little shallow. Would you be a little ticked if some dude said he wouldn't date you for shallow, somewhat stupid reasons?

You didn't read her whole post. Try again noob.

[lovespink88]

Originally Posted by 33girl

You didn't read her whole post. Try again noob.

Maybe I'm wrong but I think this is a reincarnation, not a noob, lol

[starang21]

Originally Posted by Brett

You're kidding me. What's wrong with the grocery check out dude or the other dudes you mentioned? You sound a little shallow. Would you be a little ticked if some dude said he wouldn't date you for shallow, somewhat stupid reasons?

i wouldn't date a chick who worked at the mall.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by Brett

It's obvious you've never been married before, because you're living in a pefect world. Let's see how long you want a joint account when money comes up missing and you can't pinpoint where it went. I love the whole "what's mine is his and vise versa" garbage. It doens't work like that.

Well I've been married for 7 years and I agree with everything she said. My husband and I have had a joint checking account for 8 1/2 years since we were dating and living together. I make much more than my husband, but what is mine is his. That is what a marriage, a partnership is all about. If you can't trust you partner, that is your own problem, but don't be surprised that others can. Money is what ruins most marriages that end in divorce. I decided a long time ago not to give money that kind of power over my relationship.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Brett

It's obvious you've never been married before, because you're living in a pefect world. Let's see how long you want a joint account when money comes up missing and you can't pinpoint where it went. I love the whole "what's mine is his and vise versa" garbage. It doens't work like that.

No, I’ve never been married, but because this is what I believe, and since my views don’t match up with yours, then it’s an unrealistic view and I’m living in a perfect world?-whatever! Yes, it does work that way, because it works that way for some people and it will work that way for my future husband and me! That’s why it’s important to marry someone with similar views, goals, and family values. There’s also this thing called communication. Ever heard of it?

I already said whatever works for you, then great, but just because I don’t see it that way doesn’t mean that my way is unrealistic or wrong!

My God, I hate it when people make stupid comments or get upset just because someone has an opinion about something that doesn’t match up with theirs. It’s SO annoying. Worry about your own relationship!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

My God, I hate it when people make stupid comments or get upset just because someone has an opinion about something that doesn’t match up with theirs. It’s SO annoying. Worry about your own relationship!

What relationship? The one with the 5 Layer Burrito?