Quote:
Originally Posted by AKA_Monet
If you say he is your "Mr. Right"--the rule generally is, don't ask questions unless your are mentally prepared for the answer... Now you may have been joking, but he honestly told you the truth. The follow up is would he pay for sex with any woman, threesome or not again? Is it the fact he had a sexually explicit kind of interaction, i.e. threesome that bothers you? Or is it the fact that he paid for it?
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AKA_Monet, yet again you blow me away with your posts. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me.
I think most of us at one point in our lives explore our sexual side and a 3some is just that for some people. What bothered me is that he payed for it, not the fact that it was a 3some. It's the prostitute/hooker part that bothered me.
33girl, I've been thinking about myself 15 years ago and althought I never paid for sex, there are some things I would say I am embarrassed about. You are correct in that I am not the same person anymore and would hate to be judged by my actions then.
This whole thing with him being so brutally honest with me on this issue has forced me to really sit down and think about what I've been looking for in my life. I've always wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship where there were no lies. I always thought that would be pretty cool. I think I prefer to deal with the ugly truth no matter how hard it was as opposed to live in a lie being played as a fool. Ive been thinking about this a lot lately and realized I'm one of those people that prefers to know the truth than to live clueless.
Although I admit sometimes the truth has knocked me off my feet many times. . . I always bounce back. I think I prefer it that way. I read somewhere once that knowing the truth gives one the choice to decide how to proceed with that information, as opposed to not having a choice at all because one believes a lie. (If I decide to stay or leave - it's my choice. He does not get to make the choice for me by telling me a lie and thus resulting in me staying.)
I would not stay with someone while holding something against him. Punishing him like that would make us both miserable. Plus I do appreciate his honesty. I realize most men would have lied or denied.
I decided I'm going to keep getting to know him. I considered his good qualities and what I am looking for. Amongst other thinngs, he is a really nice man who goes to church and does community service like me. That's where we met - doing community service. He did not go to church 15 years ago. He said that thing in Mexico was a one time thing, he did not do it again and most importantly he never wanted to do it again. He claims that's not who he is anymore. He also protected himself (the test results we took before we had sex with each other revealed all negative). Presently he desires a 1-on-1 relationship (no 3somes!) where there are no lies/secrets. Can I handle that? I think it's worth a try because I've had the opposite in a relationship where there are too many lies and that was no fun.
I figure if red flags start popping up, then I know he's not the guy for me. But if telling the truth about his past (past = before me) is the worst he's got - even if it was what it was - I should be fine. I do believe people can change after 15 years. I prefer that he keep on being honest with me and not try to lie to me even if it is about his past.
Anyway, I greatly appreciated your opinions. It did help me to sort my thoughts out. And yes, AKA_Monet, I also think it's funny (for lack of a better word) that I posted this on GC Dating and Relationships ;-) Thanks GC
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