Need Advice :)

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by epchick

There are ways to speak to parents without making it seem like you are placing the blame on them. Srmom SHOULD speak to this girl's parents. I agree with how AGDee suggests handling the situation.

No matter how it is said, there are too many variable to NOT know what the outcome will be. First you don't know if that girl's parents are just a sick and twisted or worse... So how it going to look to speak to the parents about anything?

Originally Posted by epchick

The school police will not do anything because none of these things happen on campus, it is happening at srmom's house.

Actually, there is precendent in various school districts, in regards to school violence. These kinds of things can escalate. That is why the police and admins have been trained and have licenses and certificates...

Originally Posted by epchick

I don't think the parents will think anything is wrong based on her text messages. They could still be under the impression that their daughter and srmom's son are still dating, which is why she is texting him so much. I text a lot, and my parents wouldn't think anything was wrong based on the # of texts, especially since most people have that "unlimited" text messaging plan.

It is the sheer number of them that most people will look at and the timing. When my child is asleep at my house, WTF are there 30 odd texts at 2-3 AM, saying "where R U", "Call me", "I miss U", "I H8 U"--Bizzarro texts?

I don't care how much the other family thinks they are dating, the fact is, you don't text endlessly at 2-3 AM even if you are married... There is a limit to that being loving vs. overwhelming. The other issue, is the boy could have led her on for her to live in make believe. We are only hearing one side of the story, so who knows? I am in no way condoning or rationalizing her behavior, but you just don't mess around with someone like that and think you, your property, and your animals are safe...

It's like y'all missed that movie "Fatal Attraction"...

This girl apparently does not understand the point of restraint and composure. Why? Who knows? But unless you are a trained and licensed professional, then why do you need to ascertain that fact?

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

But we ain't talking about a girl and her parents operating on all cylindars...

While what you wrote is EXTREMELY civil, what if I was this girl's parent, and I went off on you and cursed you out for accusing my daughter after your son promised the "moon and stars" to my daughter...

See, to me the issue is, the parents must be wacky because the behavior the girl manifested did not just suddenly developed, it was honed in over time for her to irrationally think that way... Basically, an enabling an inappropriate behavior when now this girl's personal interactions and relationships are poor, at best...

Unless someone is trained and licensed to handle both the parents and the girl, then, you are just asking for unnecessary ignorance and pain...

The reality is, while Srmom does know her son the best, we all don't know what he "REALLY" said to this girl for her to fabricate a Fantasyland in her mind, thinking that it's copacetic rolling up in her house like that...

Maybe I stopped dealing with the source, anymore... EFF that... You do some illegal chit to me these days, I report folks... EFF pride, parity and equity are more important to me. I'm too old for that kinna BS... I'd rather my child, go to the HS po-po, press charges, have an investigation, and I don't care what my happens to my "rep" after that... At least the child will have somekind of help, then the boy will have to have better "recruitment skills" when he dates...

If you're trying to speak as a licensed and trained professional, perhaps you should leave out the slang.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

If you're trying to speak as a licensed and trained professional, perhaps you should leave out the slang.

Is this your choice of engaging talks with me? Please let me know when you have anything relevant to add to this discussion with me... Thanks.

[AKA_Monet]

Ironically, my husband said that what the young man outta do is set homegirl up with one of his "enemies", then he doesn't have to worry about girl anymore...

I told him, that's just wrong... But it might work...

[epchick]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Actually, there is precendent in various school districts, in regards to school violence. These kinds of things can escalate. That is why the police and admins have been trained and have licenses and certificates...

That might be what is happening in Seattle or SoCal or wherever you are. But we are talking about Texas. If Srmom's school district is anything like ours here, there is not a lot the ISD police can do. They have to be called by the principal, etc, and it the incident HAS to happen on school premises (or the area around that is still deemed school premises). Otherwise it's a matter for the city police, and even then it's sketchy.

School administrators and the like aren't more equipped than the average person to handle any similar situation....trust me on that!

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

It is the sheer number of them that most people will look at and the timing. When my child is asleep at my house, WTF are there 30 odd texts at 2-3 AM, saying "where R U", "Call me", "I miss U", "I H8 U"--Bizzarro texts?

I don't care how much the other family thinks they are dating, the fact is, you don't text endlessly at 2-3 AM even if you are married... There is a limit to that being loving vs. overwhelming.

I would hate to have the phone company you have. My parents definitely DO NOT get an itemized bill on exactly what my text messages say (trust me, or else i'd probably be in a convent somewhere w/ some of the texts i send)

Are you forgetting these kids are 16? Teenagers do a lot of thinks that adults don't do, like text message or talk on the phone late into the wee hours of the morning. It isn't unheard of and most parents don't care.

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

This girl apparently does not understand the point of restraint and composure. Why? Who knows? But unless you are a trained and licensed professional, then why do you need to ascertain that fact?

But you aren't a licensed or trained professional either, right?

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by epchick

That might be what is happening in Seattle or SoCal or wherever you are. But we are talking about Texas. If Srmom's school district is anything like ours here, there is not a lot the ISD police can do. They have to be called by the principal, etc, and it the incident HAS to happen on school premises (or the area around that is still deemed school premises). Otherwise it's a matter for the city police, and even then it's sketchy.

School administrators and the like aren't more equipped than the average person to handle any similar situation....trust me on that!



I would hate to have the phone company you have. My parents definitely DO NOT get an itemized bill on exactly what my text messages say (trust me, or else i'd probably be in a convent somewhere w/ some of the texts i send)

Are you forgetting these kids are 16? Teenagers do a lot of thinks that adults don't do, like text message or talk on the phone late into the wee hours of the morning. It isn't unheard of and most parents don't care.



But you aren't a licensed or trained professional either, right?

Look, ultimately, Srmom has to deal with her own family's issues...

All I say is good luck to whatever she decides!

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Firstly, I to be blunt, the parents have to know something wrong with their daughter... If they don't, then what gives you the right to tell them their child is acting out? Parents don't want to hear about bad things about their child, period! And you can show them all the evidence in the world, but since you are not a licensed trained provider or law enforcement, then you have ZERO to say to them. Your recourse is with your local law enforcement and a restraining order.

As a parent, I've got to say, with as much respect as I can, that you really don't seem to know what you're talking about here (or in your posts that follow). Srmom is handling it the way it ought to be handled.

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Is this your choice of engaging talks with me? Please let me know when you have anything relevant to add to this discussion with me... Thanks.

You seem to be trying to come across as a professional in this field. If you're telling us that you're a professional, then speak (write) professional, otherwise it's very hard to take you seriously when you are using the words "po po".

I've been in a situation similar to this though not as extreme. Going to her parents is way better, this way if they have the open heart to listen to what you're saying, they can get her help. Going to the police is just going to cause a scene and rumors and ultimately embarrass this girl more than doing good. Embarrassing her could have worse repercussions (sp?) on her own health than a hearty talking to from her parents. If nothing works with that, then go about getting a restraining order.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

You seem to be trying to come across as a professional in this field. If you're telling us that you're a professional, then speak (write) professional, otherwise it's very hard to take you seriously when you are using the words "po po".

I've been in a situation similar to this though not as extreme. Going to her parents is way better, this way if they have the open heart to listen to what you're saying, they can get her help. Going to the police is just going to cause a scene and rumors and ultimately embarrass this girl more than doing good. Embarrassing her could have worse repercussions (sp?) on her own health than a hearty talking to from her parents. If nothing works with that, then go about getting a restraining order.

Agreed...

Monet

I stand with the rest on this...take it in steps...go to the parents first...document what happens...if that doesn't work...then get the law involved...obviously the child needs help and u never know...the parents may be ignoring the signs...

plus another idea...a lil out there...if you want to ensure that the parents are safe, an idea is probably go to the girl's school and have conference with the principal and parents of the girl.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

You seem to be trying to come across as a professional in this field. If you're telling us that you're a professional, then speak (write) professional, otherwise it's very hard to take you seriously when you are using the words "po po".

I've been in a situation similar to this though not as extreme. Going to her parents is way better, this way if they have the open heart to listen to what you're saying, they can get her help. Going to the police is just going to cause a scene and rumors and ultimately embarrass this girl more than doing good. Embarrassing her could have worse repercussions (sp?) on her own health than a hearty talking to from her parents. If nothing works with that, then go about getting a restraining order.

I suspect you are choosing engagement. I say what I am as I am. So stop the assumptions. It benefits me NOT to misrepresent myself.

Ask me a direct question. Here's a freebie: Why am so adamant about this issue?

Let me put it bluntly, from the sidewalk and street, to my front door is my private domain I share with whom I choose...

NO ONE has the right to be present in that domain that I do not know about or freely chose to invite into my domicile.

After a LOONNNGGG day of work, I am attempting to de-stress and collect myself to do my next duties for the evening, i.e. fixing dinner, checking on my childrens' day/homework, exercise at the gym, crafts, phone calls to my friends, visiting GC, making sure my husband is happy...

With that said, I DO NOT EXPECT TO SEE A DISHEVELED, CRYING, UPSET, EXTREMELY EMACIATED TEEN GIRL CRYING TO ME ABOUT MY SON!!!

But it has happened. Now, I can CHOOSE to speak to the parents, which you all think is the "RIGHT" or "NOBLE" thing to do... I disagree with that tactic. Forget neighborly, forget not adding too much too it. I want this silliness to stop, if not immediately, and all I can think about is allieviating the pain on my child.


AND WHEN THAT GIRL SHOWED UP ON MY DOORSTEP, THAT SHIT GOT REAL IN MY LIFE!! SO NOW I AM INVOLVED AND SHE IS INVADING MY SPACE--THAT MEANS, I CALL THE COPS!!!

That is the way I see it. I can accept other see it differently, that's fine. But the personal attacks toward me is and questioning my integrity is unfair, discriminatory and hateful!

This is my last post in this thread, so you do not have to worry anymore about my opinions.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

You know what gives her the right? He is her son. She is protecting her child. Said female is showing up at their house univited and letting herself in...that gives her the right to intervene. He is not an adult, he is a 16 year old BOY. Contacting the parents at this point is a courtesy before going to the police.

Some parents are completely oblivious to their childrens problems. I see this daily in my job. Maybe they work a lot, maybe they just don't care, but srmom is doing the courteous thing before contacting the authorities. There is nothing wrong with that.

Then she can call the police for trespassing...

Originally Posted by MysticCat

As a parent, I've got to say, with as much respect as I can, that you really don't seem to know what you're talking about here (or in your posts that follow). Srmom is handling it the way it ought to be handled.

That is your opinion and you are entitled to it, as I am entitled to mine. And with all due respect, there are no conversations significant between you and me from this point forward, as this will be my last post to choose to engage you in anyway.

[I.A.S.K.]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

If you're telling us that you're a professional, then speak (write) professionally, otherwise it's very hard to take you seriously when you are using the words "po po".

I agree with AKAMonet. It's pretty safe to believe that the parents of this girl may be a part of the problem. How is she randomly showing up at srmom's house after 10pm and no one seems to care? Why haven't her parents been checking up on her? At this point she has resulted to stalking, breaking & entering, and harassment and looks visably unhealthy. These actions are illegal. Its not like she's pulling some minor tricks. At this point in order to be safe and within her legal parameters to protect her son she needs to contact some authorities. The school officails definitely need to be alerted about the situation. Contacting the parents is good and a small start, but involving authorities may provide a netural way to open the lines of communication with the parents and get this girl some help.

[AGDee]

Part of the reason that I did not suggest getting the school involved is because she said from the start that they go to different high schools. That may make the school assistance more difficult. I would try to talk to the parents first, in the manner I suggested earlier. IF I got a poor response, then I would definitely go to the authorities.

This incident doesn't mean this girl is completed whacked for life. I remember having some pretty extreme reactions to being rejected by early boyfriends. Teens are learning how to negotiate this stuff and need guidance through it. I remember being completely devastated and when I look back at the young men who put me through that, I think "I liked them.. why???" Teens are dramatic, emotional, etc. I would hate to get police involved if it can be resolved without it.

[I.A.S.K.]

Originally Posted by AGDee

Part of the reason that I did not suggest getting the school involved is because she said from the start that they go to different high schools. That may make the school assistance more difficult. I would try to talk to the parents first, in the manner I suggested earlier. IF I got a poor response, then I would definitely go to the authorities.

This incident doesn't mean this girl is completed whacked for life. I remember having some pretty extreme reactions to being rejected by early boyfriends. Teens are learning how to negotiate this stuff and need guidance through it. I remember being completely devastated and when I look back at the young men who put me through that, I think "I liked them.. why???" Teens are dramatic, emotional, etc. I would hate to get police involved if it can be resolved without it.

I fully understand what you're saying. Under more normal circumstances that would be my first course of action also. Quite honestly I cannot remember having a boyfriend whos parents my mother did not know. My mom would have at least had to have met the parents. So, if srmom has met the parents then she'll be able to judge whether or not they seem like looney toons. Teens are dramatic and emotional, but they are not typically stalkers who commit B&Es. Did you sneak into your ex boyfriends house at night? This girls actions suggest that she may need more help than just her parents.

Once this girl started showing up and entering their house it became an issue of safety. In today's world you cannot take the luxury of thinking someone is harmless due to age or sex. She may be mentally unstable (or not). Since she has come into their house uninvited and unwanted there is nothing that suggests she'd hesitate to do it if she really snapped. It seems extreme, but what's to stop her from visiting next time with a weapon?

The reason the school would need to be notified is because they are both the same age. I know that there have been occasions where kids showed up at my highschool (public school) but were not actually students there. Since this girl has not only shown up at their house, but has come in and had a glass of lemonade while sitting on the couch there is a possibility that she could show up at the school and harass him. I mean showing up at after school functions will seem harmless to most people, but it is not harmless when you're dealing with a stalker.

Another concern is the fact that he is a male and she is a female. In order to protect her son from any negative ramifications (legally like rape allegations) it would be better to handle this situation with some type of objective authority involved on the sons behalf. Also, if the son has mentioned getting the law involved through a restraining order then it probably is at the stage where calling her parents isnt going to be the most effective. If the son wants to involve the police I think it would be bad business not to. He was the one dating her so he probably has some good reasons for wanting to involve the cops. It definitely is not a decision to take lightly, but at this point it needs to be made and made quickly.