Disappointed mom

[shadden]

I have read the original e-mail several times, and just can't see why everyone sees her the absolute worst mom. I think it is natural for a mother to want their children to have great experiences that last not just through but beyond college. Having been in a chapter that had just recolonized myself when I was in school, there are certainly pluses to being in a small house, but it is alot of work also. Obviously sail's daughter is up for the challenge, and she may be a huge asset to this chapter. But, if the mom's own sorority experience was good, she can't help but want the same experiences for her child.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by shadden

I have read the original e-mail several times, and just can't see why everyone sees her the absolute worst mom. I think it is natural for a mother to want their children to have great experiences that last not just through but beyond college. Having been in a chapter that had just recolonized myself when I was in school, there are certainly pluses to being in a small house, but it is alot of work also. Obviously sail's daughter is up for the challenge, and she may be a huge asset to this chapter. But, if the mom's own sorority experience was good, she can't help but want the same experiences for her child.

Of course you want that, but I think trying to get her to drop crosses a bit of a line (that's just my opinion).

[kappalove17]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I'm just going to chuckle at the impending comments you'll get for this.

That's your opinion. I think overinvolvement and trying to live vicariously can be just as damaging as moms who "don't care", just in very different ways.

Unlike the OP, you decided that you could be happy for this girl when you saw that she was happy. That's how it should be.

I wrote that story to point out that she DOES need to be happy for her daughter. Not to call her a bitch for being disappointed. I agree that over-involved pageant moms can be very detrimental as well I was just pointing out that its not anyone's place to judge motherhood skills via an online post.

[LightBulb]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

The OP basically has said that she thinks that the others in her life are more important than her daughter. It's a totally different situation than a mom being upset alongside her daughter because she did not get the chapter she wanted.

Well said.

Originally Posted by kappalove17

So if you feel its your duty to make sure she knows the commitment she's making, I'm all for that!! Not enough people realize when they initiate into a sorority, its for life. But if she seems satisfied with her choice, the only thing you can do is be happy for her. And when your friends ask what she joined, DO NOT lie or avoid the subject...just tell them how much she's enjoying herself.

You too.

Originally Posted by kappalove17

...I was just pointing out that its not anyone's place to judge motherhood skills via an online post.

True.

[agzg]

What may be "bottom tier" on your daughter's campus or in your state may be "top tier" at other campuses.

Seriously. You're forgetting the OTHER 3/4 of the country. And Canada. And don't forget those off the mainland, like Hawaii. Come on. What if your daughter's organization is top tier in Hawaii? That's awesome because it gives her a reason to visit.

[Elephant Walk]

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

What may be "bottom tier" on your daughter's campus or in your state may be "top tier" at other campuses.

Seriously. You're forgetting the OTHER 3/4 of the country. And Canada. And don't forget those off the mainland, like Hawaii. Come on. What if your daughter's organization is top tier in Hawaii? That's awesome because it gives her a reason to visit.

What does that matter whatsoever?

In her area, if you're an XYZ at XYZ State, then you are on the upper end of the social scale.

It doesnt matter a thing about XYZ at any other school.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Elephant Walk

What does that matter whatsoever?

In her area, if you're an XYZ at XYZ State, then you are on the upper end of the social scale.

It doesnt matter a thing about XYZ at any other school.

Do people in the South not leave their respective hometowns/states after college? I would think that they do. Wouldn't that change things if the place you move to doesn't consider XYZ to be 'top tier." Or is the social scale of your hometown the only one that matters? Yes, these are serious questions.

[APhiAnna]

I actually can completely see where the Southern people are coming from...it's just a different culture. Even where I grew up in Southern California it was a HUGE thing to say that your daughter pledged XYZ at USC.

I think her happiness should be the most important thing though. If she isn't capable of getting into XYZ at a campus where it is top tier, would it really be worse off being a GDI? Or having people know that was the chapter you were placed in even though you deactivated? If she is having fun and enjoying it then maybe to her the friendships gained mean more than social reputation.

If she isn't the Southern Belle who is going to marry the 6'3" wealthy Plantation Heir who's descended from Confederate generals anyways then who gives a shit? It sounds like her personality and interests doesn't mesh well with the "top tier, born and raised Southern sorority girls" anyways (and that's not a bad thing, although I'm not knocking those girls either) so that's probably not what she's aiming for. Let the girl do her own damn thing. She's clearly not going to be the girl you want her to be for your own reputation, so let her have fun. It sounds like she is.

If you were truly that important in the social scene anyways it seems like she would have gotten into the chapter you wanted her in. So maybe it is time for both women to look in the mirror and chase happiness, not social pipe-dreams.

[Tippiechick]

Originally Posted by BadCat25

I assume Disappointed Mom lives in the South and unless you do you will never understand how she feels. The social pressure down there for your daughter to join a top chapter is huge and the total bummer for her to join a low tier chapter let alone God forbid be a GDI. When I was in HS one of my friends older sister had a rush disaster and everyone treated it like it was the end of the world. Like I said, if you are not from the South you will never understand.

I think this is a sockpuppet.

BUT, come the fuck on. The entire South DOES NOT LIVE AND DIE BASED ON RUSH RESULTS. I am from the South, bless your heart. Maybe you should consider hanging around people who don't look at rush results as evidence of a person's worth. Look around. There's plenty of us.

I just find this whole thing so funny. I mean, here people are bashing this thread, yet they kiss the ass of a mom on here who did the same thing. (Even though she may never cop to it...)

[Elephant Walk]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Do people in the South not leave their respective hometowns/states after college? I would think that they do. Wouldn't that change things if the place you move to doesn't consider XYZ to be 'top tier." Or is the social scale of your hometown the only one that matters? Yes, these are serious questions.

It's a very interesting question, and I would say yes...

For example, here at Arkansas, Phi Delt has alot of Highland Park kids. Kids in high demand for sure. Phi Delt's is one of the better fraternities, but isn't SAE/SX/KE. I would argue that part of the reason that Phi Delt pulls so many high quality kids from HP is because Phi Delt is so very strong SMU. With this, SAE/Phi Gam/Phi Delt do well in rush from Texas because of the strength of those names at Texas schools.

Very few of my people from my hometown high school left the state for school. It's unfortunate, but it's true. (to your first question)

Furthermore, if you do go out of state then your social standing doesn't really matter...you know? You're sort of that lost child. But if you stay in state, you could climb socially.

I understand where she's coming from. She feels like she raised an upstanding woman...if her daughter didn't make it into a top-tiered sorority, she feels like she failed raising her properly. It comes back on the mom. It's like raising a serial killer, you feel like you failed as parents. Sorority rush is the litmus test of proper raising. I sympathize with the situation.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

It sounds like her personality and interests doesn't mesh well with the "top tier, born and raised Southern sorority girls" anyways (and that's not a bad thing, although I'm not knocking those girls either) so that's probably not what she's aiming for. Let the girl do her own damn thing. She's clearly not going to be the girl you want her to be for your own reputation, so let her have fun. It sounds like she is.

If you were truly that important in the social scene anyways it seems like she would have gotten into the chapter you wanted her in. So maybe it is time for both women to look in the mirror and chase happiness, not social pipe-dreams.

Agreed. I feel like there is some "social climbing" in effect here on mom's part.

[APhiAnna]

Originally Posted by Elephant Walk

It's like raising a serial killer, you feel like you failed as parents. Sorority rush is the litmus test of proper raising. I sympathize with the situation.

I'm actually not going to doubt that people believe this, but in this case the mom already failed. If she couldn't produce that top-tier Southern Belle in 18 years then how is she going to produce such an outstanding Southern Belle in 1 year that will beat the sophomore stigma into a top tier house?

If, "bless her heart", this poor girl is doomed already to a miserable post-grad social life because she didn't get into the right sorority then at least let the girl have fun in the chapter that did want her. Everybody will already know where she pledged anyways even if she drops.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Elephant Walk

Very few of my people from my hometown high school left the state for school. It's unfortunate, but it's true. (to your first question)

Furthermore, if you do go out of state then your social standing doesn't really matter...you know? You're sort of that lost child. But if you stay in state, you could climb socially.

Thanks for the insight. I guess it's one of those regional things. Most of the people I know from college seriously couldn't wait to leave here for a larger metro area (Chicago/NYC/etc).

Originally Posted by Elephant Walk

I understand where she's coming from. She feels like she raised an upstanding woman...if her daughter didn't make it into a top-tiered sorority, she feels like she failed raising her properly. It comes back on the mom. It's like raising a serial killer, you feel like you failed as parents. Sorority rush is the litmus test of proper raising.

Wow. Another serious question: So whether you've failed as a parent is determined solely based on recruitment?

Lets say that Daughter joins a "lower tier" chapter in college, however she ends up going to a top law school and ends up working for one of the top law firms in NYC (or something equally lucrative). Does a mother STILL feel she failed at raising her? If so, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

I have a really hard time wrapping my mind around the whole sorority = LIFE concept, and the fact that women in some areas of the South base their entire lives on the sorority they join in college.

[AOEforme]

On the other hand, what happens if that top-tier daughter ends up being a serial killer or something?

[Elephant Walk]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Lets say that Daughter joins a "lower tier" chapter in college, however she ends up going to a top law school and ends up working for one of the top law firms in NYC (or something equally lucrative). Does a mother STILL feel she failed at raising her? If so, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.[/COLOR]

Perhaps I was a bit hyperbolic...

I would say that sorority rush is "A" litmus test, not "the"