Relationship issues

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Taualumna

Just looking for some sort of solution.

Let me get this straight. You're not engaged yet, and you're asking people on a web forum for help in finding a solution -- which according to you could be splitting up, talking or something else -- about the "issue" of what food to serve at the reception? (Okay, to be a little more charitable, about how to keep from offending his more observant not-immediate-family relatives at the wedding.)

Did I get that right?

[AKA_Monet]

I say piss EVERYONE off and go to Saudi Arabia Mecca and try to get married at the spur of the moment... That would be interesting.

Besides, you all need to work on your relationship if you add anyone's family into the mix. Because when you two are alone, all you have to deal with is each other...

[nittanyalum]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Let me get this straight. You're not engaged yet, and you're asking people on a web forum for help in finding a solution -- which according to you could be splitting up, talking or something else -- about the "issue" of what food to serve at the reception? (Okay, to be a little more charitable, about how to keep from offending his more observant not-immediate-family relatives at the wedding.)

Did I get that right?

LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

DTMFA, Taualumna. Is that what you want or need to hear? Because otherwise, you've heard perfectly good suggestions already and you continue to ask the exact same questions as though this is some intractable, immovable obstacle to your having a wedding. Have a civil ceremony and a cocktail reception, don't offer food. Elope and have two receptions. Tell his (apparently distant) relatives to suck it up and deal with having kosher food on one side of the room and nonkosher on the other or feel free to not attend and you'll send pictures. And really, if this is what you think could trip up or end your relationship, you all won't make it very long in an actual marriage. His sister seems to have found a way to deal with it, why can't you?

[Taualumna]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

DTMFA, Taualumna. Is that what you want or need to hear? Because otherwise, you've heard perfectly good suggestions already and you continue to ask the exact same questions as though this is some intractable, immovable obstacle to your having a wedding. Have a civil ceremony and a cocktail reception, don't offer food. Elope and have two receptions. Tell his (apparently distant) relatives to suck it up and deal with having kosher food on one side of the room and nonkosher on the other or feel free to not attend and you'll send pictures. And really, if this is what you think could trip up or end your relationship, you all won't make it very long in an actual marriage. His sister seems to have found a way to deal with it, why can't you?

His sister doesn't have religion "issues" he seems to have. In fact, she's involved with a musical ensemble that sings Christian music! Mr. Tau finds that very odd.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Taualumna

His sister doesn't have religion "issues" he seems to have. In fact, she's involved with a musical ensemble that sings Christian music! Mr. Tau finds that very odd.

Okay, I'm going to give this another shot.

You're Christian and he's Jewish. During the three years you've been dating, this hasn't really been an issue, because neither of you are particularly religious or observant. However, as you have begun to talk about marriage (and having kids maybe?), you're starting to wonder if a Jewish identity is more important to him than you (or he, perhaps) thought. And you're wondering whether that might be a deal breaker for you.

Do I have it right now?

It's actually fairly common for religion, or at least religious identity, to become more important to people when they get married or, especially, have kids. People who were somewhat indifferent to their own religious background often start to see things differently when they create their own family; they want that family, and their children in particular, to have a religious identity.

If this is the case, then we were right. Your question really isn't about how to deal with food at the reception. That's just the conversation starter for a much deeper issue -- one that really has to be resolved before marriage.

[Taualumna]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Okay, I'm going to give this another shot.

You're Christian and he's Jewish. During the three years you've been dating, this hasn't really been an issue, because neither of you are particularly religious or observant. However, as you have begun to talk about marriage (and having kids maybe?), you're starting to wonder if a Jewish identity is more important to him than you (or he, perhaps) thought. And you're wondering whether that might be a deal breaker for you.

Do I have it right now?

It's actually fairly common for religion, or at least religious identity, to become more important to people when they get married or, especially, have kids. People who were somewhat indifferent to their own religious background often start to see things differently when they create their own family; they want that family, and their children in particular, to have a religious identity.

If this is the case, then we were right. Your question really isn't about how to deal with food at the reception. That's just the conversation starter for a much deeper issue -- one that really has to be resolved before marriage.

Basically yes, that's it.