Relationship issues

Taualumna · #1 05-12-2008, 12:50 PM

Mr. Tau and I have been going out for almost three years. We're now talking about moving in/marriage/etc, but we have some issues. Or, at least, I THINK we have some issues. Mr. Tau and I are not only of different ethnic backgrounds, but also different religions. Neither of us is all that religious (though I do "observe" Lent by not drinking espresso), but he has some relatives who are. He says that some of his relatives may have issues with certain types of ceremonies (namely anything Christian-related)...and I think at times, he is too. He says that some of his relatives may have issues with venues that are formerly restricted. It's interesting, because many Chinese Canadians (especially more recent immigrants from Hong Kong) have no problems with being members of clubs that were formerly restricted, but Mr. Tau is not the first Jewish person I know who has had issues. He's also gone on about having a reception that is a mix of Chinese and Jewish culture, yet he says that the food must be kosher, because some of his relatives are observant (sorry, but if you're going to include Chinese food, the reception ain't going to be truly kosher. "Simulated" kosher can be done though.)

Mr. Tau's older sister is getting married this summer. Her fiance is not Jewish. I guess we'll see how the extended family react before. In any case, Mr. Tau hasn't officially asked me yet...

What do you guys think?

DSTCHAOS · #2 05-12-2008, 01:03 PM

What do we think about what?

Taualumna · #3 05-12-2008, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

What do we think about what?

Suggestions....what should I do?? Should we split over these issues? Talk? etc

Senusret I · #4 05-12-2008, 01:19 PM

Elope!

DaemonSeid · #5 05-12-2008, 01:32 PM

Justice of the peace?

DSTCHAOS · #6 05-12-2008, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taualumna

Suggestions....what should I do?? Should we split over these issues? Talk? etc

Almost 3 years and you're asking us what you should do? Ok.

You two seem able to compromise. Learning and respecting each other's religions and cultures began almost 3 years ago. It's still a process but you two can work that out if you don't let others' opinions confuse you. You already stated that you can do a mixed Chinese and Jewish ceremony with kosher and nonkosher foods. Done deal.

If you two can reach compromise and handle whatever comes your way, his family members' opinions should have no bearing. If his family don't want to go to certain ceremonies, to hell with them. Those who want to and can attend will do so. Don't make them more important than they are.

Taualumna · #7 05-12-2008, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Almost 3 years and you're asking us what you should do? Ok.

You two seem able to compromise. Learning and respecting each other's religions and cultures began almost 3 years ago. It's still a process but you two can work that out if you don't let others' opinions confuse you. You already stated that you can do a mixed Chinese and Jewish ceremony with kosher and nonkosher foods. Done deal.

If you two can reach compromise and handle whatever comes your way, his family members' opinions should have no bearing. If his family don't want to go to certain ceremonies, to hell with them. Those who want to and can attend will do so. Don't make them more important than they are.

The only issue is that he thinks that SIMULATED kosher won't be okay with some of his relatives. I guess we'll see at his sister's reception this summer.

DSTCHAOS · #8 05-12-2008, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taualumna

The only issue is that he thinks that SIMULATED kosher won't be okay with some of his relatives. I guess we'll see at his sister's reception this summer.

Ok...........

MysticCat · #9 05-12-2008, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taualumna

The only issue is that he thinks that SIMULATED kosher won't be okay with some of his relatives. I guess we'll see at his sister's reception this summer.

What is "simulated kosher"? Do you mean kosher style?

But really . . . if that's "the only issue" and you're asking

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taualumna

Should we split over these issues? Talk? etc

then it's not the only issue.

gpb1874 · #10 05-12-2008, 01:58 PM

your wedding is just one day. yes, important, but it's just one day. why should you split up because your families might not all want to attend/be supportive (thinking of the food & ceremonial issues, not the marriage itself) of one day?

KSUViolet06 · #11 05-12-2008, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gpb1874

your wedding is just one day. yes, important, but it's just one day. why should you split up because your families might not all want to attend/be supportive (thinking of the food & ceremonial issues, not the marriage itself) of one day?

Amen to this. You can elope, or just not have a reception. Sure it's not a full on shindig with all the bells and whistles, but you're still married at the end of the day.

Taualumna · #12 05-12-2008, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticCat

What is "simulated kosher"? Do you mean kosher style?

But really . . . if that's "the only issue" and you're asking

then it's not the only issue.

Yes. Kosher style. A company who catered a party I went to used the term "simulated kosher" so I assumed that it was term that's normally used.

MysticCat · #13 05-12-2008, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taualumna

Yes. Kosher style. A company who catered a party I went to used the term "simulated kosher" so I assumed that it was term that's normally used.

Well, if that's what you're talking about, then it depends on how stricy his family is. With the people I know who keep kosher, kosher-style = not kosher because it hasn't been prepared properly. But like you said, you'll see at sis's reception.

Still, I think this sounds like it's not the real problem.

RU OX Alum · #14 05-12-2008, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taualumna

Yes. Kosher style. A company who catered a party I went to used the term "simulated kosher" so I assumed that it was term that's normally used.

Taualumna, I know you didn't mean it to, but that seems pretty mean, actually. That's like saying "here you should be fine with this" but really you're tricking someone into breaking a law of their religion.

Why not make a small section of kosher foods, like some people do for vegetarians, that way the kosher ones will eat the kosher foods, and everyone else can have Chinese.

Also, invite everyone (both fams.) to all ceremonies and let whoever wants to come to come.

Good luck with everything. But I have to agree with MysticCat, if that's the only "issue" and you might split up after three years because of it, then it really doesn't seem like it's the only issue.

MysticCat · #15 05-12-2008, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

Why not make a small section of kosher foods, like some people do for vegetarians, that way the kosher ones will eat the kosher foods, and everyone else can have Chinese.

You could, actually would probably have to, have them prepared by different caterers, or at least in different kitchens. But it could be done, and then you just keep them separate in the reception hall.