Relationship issues

DSTCHAOS · #1 05-12-2008, 01:03 PM

What do we think about what?

Taualumna · #2 05-12-2008, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

What do we think about what?

Suggestions....what should I do?? Should we split over these issues? Talk? etc

DSTCHAOS · #3 05-12-2008, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taualumna

Suggestions....what should I do?? Should we split over these issues? Talk? etc

Almost 3 years and you're asking us what you should do? Ok.

You two seem able to compromise. Learning and respecting each other's religions and cultures began almost 3 years ago. It's still a process but you two can work that out if you don't let others' opinions confuse you. You already stated that you can do a mixed Chinese and Jewish ceremony with kosher and nonkosher foods. Done deal.

If you two can reach compromise and handle whatever comes your way, his family members' opinions should have no bearing. If his family don't want to go to certain ceremonies, to hell with them. Those who want to and can attend will do so. Don't make them more important than they are.

Taualumna · #4 05-12-2008, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Almost 3 years and you're asking us what you should do? Ok.

You two seem able to compromise. Learning and respecting each other's religions and cultures began almost 3 years ago. It's still a process but you two can work that out if you don't let others' opinions confuse you. You already stated that you can do a mixed Chinese and Jewish ceremony with kosher and nonkosher foods. Done deal.

If you two can reach compromise and handle whatever comes your way, his family members' opinions should have no bearing. If his family don't want to go to certain ceremonies, to hell with them. Those who want to and can attend will do so. Don't make them more important than they are.

The only issue is that he thinks that SIMULATED kosher won't be okay with some of his relatives. I guess we'll see at his sister's reception this summer.

DSTCHAOS · #5 05-12-2008, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taualumna

The only issue is that he thinks that SIMULATED kosher won't be okay with some of his relatives. I guess we'll see at his sister's reception this summer.

Ok...........

MysticCat · #6 05-12-2008, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taualumna

The only issue is that he thinks that SIMULATED kosher won't be okay with some of his relatives. I guess we'll see at his sister's reception this summer.

What is "simulated kosher"? Do you mean kosher style?

But really . . . if that's "the only issue" and you're asking

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taualumna

Should we split over these issues? Talk? etc

then it's not the only issue.

gpb1874 · #7 05-12-2008, 01:58 PM

your wedding is just one day. yes, important, but it's just one day. why should you split up because your families might not all want to attend/be supportive (thinking of the food & ceremonial issues, not the marriage itself) of one day?

KSUViolet06 · #8 05-12-2008, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gpb1874

your wedding is just one day. yes, important, but it's just one day. why should you split up because your families might not all want to attend/be supportive (thinking of the food & ceremonial issues, not the marriage itself) of one day?

Amen to this. You can elope, or just not have a reception. Sure it's not a full on shindig with all the bells and whistles, but you're still married at the end of the day.

Taualumna · #9 05-12-2008, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticCat

What is "simulated kosher"? Do you mean kosher style?

But really . . . if that's "the only issue" and you're asking

then it's not the only issue.

Yes. Kosher style. A company who catered a party I went to used the term "simulated kosher" so I assumed that it was term that's normally used.

MysticCat · #10 05-12-2008, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taualumna

Yes. Kosher style. A company who catered a party I went to used the term "simulated kosher" so I assumed that it was term that's normally used.

Well, if that's what you're talking about, then it depends on how stricy his family is. With the people I know who keep kosher, kosher-style = not kosher because it hasn't been prepared properly. But like you said, you'll see at sis's reception.

Still, I think this sounds like it's not the real problem.

RU OX Alum · #11 05-12-2008, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taualumna

Yes. Kosher style. A company who catered a party I went to used the term "simulated kosher" so I assumed that it was term that's normally used.

Taualumna, I know you didn't mean it to, but that seems pretty mean, actually. That's like saying "here you should be fine with this" but really you're tricking someone into breaking a law of their religion.

Why not make a small section of kosher foods, like some people do for vegetarians, that way the kosher ones will eat the kosher foods, and everyone else can have Chinese.

Also, invite everyone (both fams.) to all ceremonies and let whoever wants to come to come.

Good luck with everything. But I have to agree with MysticCat, if that's the only "issue" and you might split up after three years because of it, then it really doesn't seem like it's the only issue.

MysticCat · #12 05-12-2008, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

Why not make a small section of kosher foods, like some people do for vegetarians, that way the kosher ones will eat the kosher foods, and everyone else can have Chinese.

You could, actually would probably have to, have them prepared by different caterers, or at least in different kitchens. But it could be done, and then you just keep them separate in the reception hall.

Taualumna · #13 05-12-2008, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticCat

You could, actually would probably have to, have them prepared by different caterers, or at least in different kitchens. But it could be done, and then you just keep them separate in the reception hall.

Would that be an issue with the caterers, though?

Also, Mr. Tau said something along the lines of "some of my relatives would not be happy even if certain foods at the reception aren't kosher, even if they aren't going to eat it."

You know, if they're that religious, they probably won't be going to an interfaith wedding, right? I guess I'll find out at his sister's wedding this summer. The wedding is at a country club, so unless the club is historically Jewish, it's unlikely that the food will be kosher at all.

RE: Chinese food - I never said that the food was going to be all Chinese. It was Mr. Tau's idea that we'd have a combination of Chinese food and "Jewish" food at the reception.

BTW: I'm NOT officially engaged yet...we've just been talking, because everyone we know seems to be getting married.

KSUViolet06 · #14 05-12-2008, 02:25 PM

^^^I agree. Is there a problem with serving BOTH types of food (as long as you can guarantee that their food can be prepared kosher in the same facility as the Chinese food)?

I just don't see why ALL of your food has to be Chinese. I've seen kosher food available at Jewish-Italian weddings and Jewish-Korean weddings, so I'm sure it is possible with you two.