Friends who disappear when they find a boyfriend/girlfriend

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I agree. It's just healthy to maintain friendships. You can't spend ALL of your time with your bf/gf. It's impossible. I mean, you might want to go do something girly like get pedicures, there are some things you just want to do with your girls.

I agree here. A woman spending time with her girlfriends is fine by me, it just all depends on where they're spending their time together.

I don't have a problem with pedicures at all...really I don't. Infact I STRONGLY encourage it.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I agree here. A woman spending time with her girlfriends is fine by me, it just all depends on where they're spending their time together.

See, most people understand that people in serious relationships (ie, headed towards cohabitation/engagement) aren't really hitting the bars every weekend--nor should they be. I really think what most of us are talking about are the people who can't (or won't) even have coffee with friends when they are in a relationship, regardless of how serious it is.

[AGDee]

My 14 year old daughter and a group of her friends confronted a friend the other day on this. This gal (we'll call her Sue) is the first in the group to have a real boyfriend and they have been dating for 6 months. At the lunch table, Sue said to the rest of the group "You guys do everything without me now, why don't you ask me to do stuff?" The group pointed out that they invite her to everything but she is always busy with her boyfriend or brings him along. The one thing she has attended without him was my daughter's slumber party but she spent the whole night on the phone with him or texting him. My daughter asked Sue to go to the movies and guess what? The BF came along too. So now Sue is really angry at all the other girls and won't speak to them.

I expect that from 14 year olds.. but not from adults. Adults should realize that no one person can meet all their needs, that frienships are forever but most relationships are not, and that you need to be individuals with your own interests to be able to come together for a healthy relationship. If you do everything together, what do you ever have to talk about with each other?

[Jimmy Choo]

Originally Posted by AGDee

Adults should realize that no one person can meet all their needs, that frienships are forever but most relationships are not, and that you need to be individuals with your own interests to be able to come together for a healthy relationship. If you do everything together, what do you ever have to talk about with each other?

Sorry for the double post but I thought this was so wonderful that it needed to be quoted seperately!!

[jojapeach]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I expect that from 14 year olds.. but not from adults. Adults should realize that no one person can meet all their needs, that frienships are forever but most relationships are not, and that you need to be individuals with your own interests to be able to come together for a healthy relationship. If you do everything together, what do you ever have to talk about with each other?

Exactly. I forgot about my friends when I was in relationships at 17 and even 19, but at some point, I did call my girls to check in a few times. However, this behavior from my then 26 y/o former best friend drove me and the majority of her close girlfriends. Sadly, in the end, their relationship ended after 2 years.

Adults should be able to recognize a happy medium between spending quality time with the SO and connecting with friends. Whether it's phone calls, text messages, or even Myspace/Facebook. Being completely consumed by the SO or friends isn't healthy... unless those friends are a bad influence that need to be cut anyway. (That didn't fit my situation since she eventually reached out to her forgotten friends after the breakup.)

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by AGDee

My 14 year old daughter and a group of her friends confronted a friend the other day on this. This gal (we'll call her Sue) is the first in the group to have a real boyfriend and they have been dating for 6 months. At the lunch table, Sue said to the rest of the group "You guys do everything without me now, why don't you ask me to do stuff?" The group pointed out that they invite her to everything but she is always busy with her boyfriend or brings him along. The one thing she has attended without him was my daughter's slumber party but she spent the whole night on the phone with him or texting him. My daughter asked Sue to go to the movies and guess what? The BF came along too. So now Sue is really angry at all the other girls and won't speak to them.

Ummm, wow. 14 years old! She's setting a terrible precedent for the rest of her relationships! And where is the girl's mother in all of this?

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

See, most people understand that people in serious relationships (ie, headed towards cohabitation/engagement) aren't really hitting the bars every weekend--nor should they be. I really think what most of us are talking about are the people who can't (or won't) even have coffee with friends when they are in a relationship, regardless of how serious it is.

I really don't think cohabitation/engagement is the issue for me. Even right off the bat, early on in a relationship for me, it still depends on where she's hanging out, and what she considers to be "her girls".

I don't see anything wrong with coffee. Coffee is cool. Clubs and bars are not, and if she has friends that hang out at places like these, that's o.k., as long as she's not hanging out at those places. Also, she's gotta be who she is. My thing is this, don't just not go to clubs/bars with trifling friends just to please me, because now our relationship is built on a lie. She can be who she is. If she wants to go to clubs/bars, so be it, that just means I would have to let her go. That's all.