living together before marriage: opinions?

[33girl]

As far as the pre-marital sex statistic, I completely believe that people were having it just as much 50 years ago...the difference between comparing that and living together/marriage is that, well, people really can't lie about marriage - it's a matter of public record. Whether or not you had sex is not (unless you're Paris Hilton). I guess there are people out there who would lie on a survey about living together, but I don't think as many.

Maybe I have trust issues, but having seen so many friends get screwed over emotionally and monetarily, I can't imagine giving someone the power to do that sort of thing with no legal consequences, and if you move in with someone and make all sorts of rules and barriers to avoid that, I can't see where that would be fulfilling, either.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Maybe I have trust issues, but having seen so many friends get screwed over emotionally and monetarily, I can't imagine giving someone the power to do that sort of thing with no legal consequences, and if you move in with someone and make all sorts of rules and barriers to avoid that, I can't see where that would be fulfilling, either.

I agree.

Why make rules with little legal backing? And why take it all so seriously to formalize rules but not take it seriously enough to make it legal?

I can see people who think marriage is only a piece of paper. But people who take marriage seriously as a spiritual union and/or legal institution should stop "playing house" rather sooner than later.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

You have to "intend" to be married.

Originally Posted by Kevin

The factors are very different from state to state.

Kevin, is right -- the laws vary from state to state. Even the Wiki, which you quoted doesn't seem to disagree:

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Indeed but from here Wiki
Intent to be married, considering each other husband and wife, mutual agreement to the marriage, and/or representing yourself as husband and wife to others are in every set of standards.

In some states the operative question (again set forth in the Wiki) is whether you have held yourself out as husband and wife, with the apparent presumption that you would not do so absent intent.

Now, going back to the post Kevin was responding to:

Originally Posted by RoxyGrrrl

For me however, I have been living with someone for 12 years now. Most people don't know we're not officially married as we own two homes, wear rings, and refer to each other as husband and wife. At one point I contemplated leaving him (not because of not being married) and no, it wouldn't have been as simple as packing a bag and physically leaving.

There, in the bolded part, we appear to have "representing yourself to others as husband and wife." So, Kevin is right (family law class or not) -- in some states, RoxyGrrrl and her "husband" may have created a common law marriage.

The reality is that, other than with issues at places like hospitals, this often isn't really an issue unless (1) the couple separates or (2) one of them dies. For example, lets say RoxyGrrrl (sorry, RoxyGrrrl, to use you as the example) do live where common law marriages can be formed by holding yourself out as husband and wife for 7 years and stay together for 10 years after she becomes Dr. RoxyGrrrl, but then she decided she wants out. Her boyfriend might decide to counter with "we're married, so I want my share of what Dr. RoxyGrrrl has accumulated for us during our marriage." Hello, court fight.

Originally Posted by RoxyGrrrl

We are actually recognized by a court of law as being legally married, so it's a common law thing. It does vary state to state though.

I wondered since you also said that most people don't know that you're not "officially married." But thanks for settling it.