Playas till the day we die...

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

you know what, i think the problem is exactly how the family should be led by the man. my father is head of the household. did he make all the decisions by himself? no. my mother has input on every major decision. if he disagrees, nothing is done until they resolve it. that sounds 50/50, and looks that way from the outside. but we all know deep down that daddy wears the pants. its nothing that we see or hear. we just know it. the one thing we do have proof of, is him including her in decisions. i dont think hes ever made one without her, and thats the way it should be. hes more like, the speaker of the house lol

That worked for them however my parents did everything equally so in essence they were both head of the household. They were married for 62 years and seperated by his death. My issue is that men expect women to be strong yet subservient and LET them be in charge. Why cant both be in charge? I can not and will not let someone, esp. a man tell me how, what, when, why, where... and expect me to just go along. That's me. I will hurt a mans EGO (because that's what it really about) in a second and not think twice if he tries to "put me in my place". I've done it before and have NO problems doing it agin. My life is by MY terms and no one elses.

[OneTimeSBX]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

That worked for them however my parents did everything equally so in essence they were both head of the household. They were married for 62 years and seperated by his death. My issue is that men expect women to be strong yet subservient and LET them be in charge. Why cant both be in charge? I can not and will not let someone, esp. a man tell me how, what, when, why, where... and expect me to just go along. That's me. I will hurt a mans EGO (because that's what it really about) in a second and not think twice if he tries to "put me in my place". I've done it before and have NO problems doing it agin. My life is by MY terms and no one elses.

i think my mom is just the type of person who was happy in that situation. now me?? or either of my two sisters?? hell naw. it is an equal walk. i dont do anything major without him, and vice versa.

someone, i think Prettyboy, said that women arent designed to "take on the load"...what the hell? not only are we designed to do it, there are just as many of us actually doing it as there are men! like i said earlier, and i will say it again...women need to know how to run a household. if she is willing to sit back and let her man make the decisions, she may be in for a world of disappointment.

"honey, pack the house up, we're moving to Canada because i said so!" it seems funny, but i have a girlfriend who has 5 children, living 250 miles away from home while her husband aka head of household, is off working at a job he could have easily gotten here where we live. she is alone, no car, no job, no spending money, no cable, no neighbors...see where i'm going with this? she was "submissive" because thats what her mother told her she should be. she loves her family but she's miserable...what about her needs? being head of household should first and foremost incorporate the other persons wants and needs and feelings.

too many men feel that "submissive" equals "i do what i want, when i want and you cant do anything about it".

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

too many men feel that "submissive" equals "i do what i want, when i want and you cant do anything about it".

And then get all offended when you call them on it. Hypocritical and a blown up ego.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

i think my mom is just the type of person who was happy in that situation. now me?? or either of my two sisters?? hell naw. it is an equal walk. i dont do anything major without him, and vice versa.

someone, i think Prettyboy, said that women arent designed to "take on the load"...what the hell? not only are we designed to do it, there are just as many of us actually doing it as there are men! like i said earlier, and i will say it again...women need to know how to run a household. if she is willing to sit back and let her man make the decisions, she may be in for a world of disappointment.

"honey, pack the house up, we're moving to Canada because i said so!" it seems funny, but i have a girlfriend who has 5 children, living 250 miles away from home while her husband aka head of household, is off working at a job he could have easily gotten here where we live. she is alone, no car, no job, no spending money, no cable, no neighbors...see where i'm going with this? she was "submissive" because thats what her mother told her she should be. she loves her family but she's miserable...what about her needs? being head of household should first and foremost incorporate the other persons wants and needs and feelings.

too many men feel that "submissive" equals "i do what i want, when i want and you cant do anything about it".

Leading doesn't mean ruling with an iron fist. Submitting doesn't mean she's his servant. They can walk side by side, but again walking side by side means for her to submit to my lead, and I am to submit to her needs. You ladies can think what ever you want to, just make sure you get a man that is cool with you leading and running the household. I know some men like that. Hey, if they're cool with it, then that's their business, but in my relationship, I'm the man and I'm the one who makes the final decision. When I'm with a woman, I'll do anything for her. I want to make her happy at all costs. I'm not perfect, but I do my best, with what I have. I'm faithful, and I'm a one woman man, always have been and I always will be, but I was raised to lead my woman, and to only know when to listen to her. I'm not saying she'll submit everytime, but that's why relationships take work. But again, if it works for you ladies runnin the show, go ahead and run it. Good luck.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

[B]Leading doesn't mean ruling with an iron fist. Submitting doesn't mean she's his servant. They can walk side by side, but again walking side by side means for her to submit to my lead, and I am to submit to her needs. You ladies can think what ever you want to, just make sure you get a man that is cool with you leading and running the household. I know some men like that. Hey, if they're cool with it, then that's their business, but in my relationship, I'm the man and I'm the one who makes the final decision. When I'm with a woman, I'll do anything for her. I want to make her happy at all costs. I'm not perfect, but I do my best, with what I have. I'm faithful, and I'm a one woman man, always have been and I always will be, but I was raised to lead my woman, and to only know when to listen to her. I'm not saying she'll submit everytime, but that's why relationships take work. But again, if it works for you ladies runnin the show, go ahead and run it. Good luck.

Dont get it twisted. I said equal

Merriam-Webster English dictionary
http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary
Main Entry: 1equal
Pronunciation: 'E-kw&l
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin aequalis, from aequus level, equal
1 a (1) : of the same measure, quantity, amount, or number as another (2) : identical in mathematical value or logical denotation : EQUIVALENT b : like in quality, nature, or status c : like for each member of a group, class, or society <provide equal employment opportunities>
2 : regarding or affecting all objects in the same way : IMPARTIAL
3 : free from extremes: as a : tranquil in mind or mood b : not showing variation in appearance, structure, or proportion
4 a : capable of meeting the requirements of a situation or a task b : SUITABLE <bored with work not equal to his abilities>
synonym see SAME



Merriam-Webster English dictionary
http://www.m-w.com/dictionary.htm

submit

Main Entry: sub·mit
Pronunciation: s&b-'mit
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): sub·mit·ted; sub·mit·ting
Etymology: Middle English submitten, from Latin submittere to lower, submit, from sub- + mittere to send
transitive verb
1 a : to yield to governance or authority b : to subject to a condition, treatment, or operation <the metal was submitted to analysis>
2 : to present or propose to another for review, consideration, or decision <submit a question to the court> <submit a bid on a contract> <submit a report>; also : to deliver formally <submitted my resignation>
3 : to put forward as an opinion or contention <we submit that the charge is not proved>
intransitive verb
1 a : to yield oneself to the authority or will of another : SURRENDER b : to permit oneself to be subjected to something <had to submit to surgery>
2 : to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another
synonym see YIELD - sub·mit·tal /-'mi-t&l/ noun

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

Dont get it twisted. I said equal

Merriam-Webster English dictionary
http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary
Main Entry: 1equal
Pronunciation: 'E-kw&l
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin aequalis, from aequus level, equal
1 a (1) : of the same measure, quantity, amount, or number as another (2) : identical in mathematical value or logical denotation : EQUIVALENT b : like in quality, nature, or status c : like for each member of a group, class, or society <provide equal employment opportunities>
2 : regarding or affecting all objects in the same way : IMPARTIAL
3 : free from extremes: as a : tranquil in mind or mood b : not showing variation in appearance, structure, or proportion
4 a : capable of meeting the requirements of a situation or a task b : SUITABLE <bored with work not equal to his abilities>
synonym see SAME



Merriam-Webster English dictionary
http://www.m-w.com/dictionary.htm

submit

Main Entry: sub·mit
Pronunciation: s&b-'mit
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): sub·mit·ted; sub·mit·ting
Etymology: Middle English submitten, from Latin submittere to lower, submit, from sub- + mittere to send
transitive verb
1 a : to yield to governance or authority b : to subject to a condition, treatment, or operation <the metal was submitted to analysis>
2 : to present or propose to another for review, consideration, or decision <submit a question to the court> <submit a bid on a contract> <submit a report>; also : to deliver formally <submitted my resignation>
3 : to put forward as an opinion or contention <we submit that the charge is not proved>
intransitive verb
1 a : to yield oneself to the authority or will of another : SURRENDER b : to permit oneself to be subjected to something <had to submit to surgery>
2 : to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another
synonym see YIELD - sub·mit·tal /-'mi-t&l/ noun

I don't have it twisted, but you do. Big time. The man is the final decision maker. Period. No 50/50. There is only one leader in every situation. Period. Someone has to be in charge. There is no such thing as a 50/50 relationship where both are in charge. That's an impossibility. Somebody is leading somebody. She is to be involved in every discussion, issue and decision but if they can't come to an agreement, his decision stands, and he is also the speaker of the household. Thanks, but I don't need definitions from a man made dictionary. The fact that you typed all that still has no affect on my thoughts. You have your opinion and if that's the kind of relationship you want, then handle your business. But I'll handle mine.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I don't have it twisted, but you do. Big time. The man is the final decision maker. Period. No 50/50. There is only one leader in every situation. Period. Someone has to be in charge. There is no such thing as a 50/50 relationship where both are in charge. That's an impossibility. Somebody is leading somebody. She is to be involved in every discussion, issue and decision but if they can't come to an agreement, his decision stands, and he is also the speaker of the household. Thanks, but I don't need definitions from a man made dictionary. The fact that you typed all that still has no affect on my thoughts. You have your opinion and if that's the kind of relationship you want, then handle your business. But I'll handle mine.

Interesting, my parents were 50/50 so it is possible. 60+ years of possible.
Not trying to "affect” your thoughts, just trying to understand what would make a person give up essentially, control of their life to someone else, willingly.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

Interesting, my parents were 50/50 so it is possible. 60+ years of possible.
Not trying to "affect” your thoughts, just trying to understand what would make a person give up essentially, control of their life to someone else, willingly.

Cool, that's how you were raised. I wasn't. My parents? 44 years of my father running the show as the rock of the house.

[BlueReign]

I'm in agreement with you PrettyBoy. And that's not just from a religious perspective but from personal experience. I witnessed my mother being led and totally submissive and it turned me off growing up where I swore I would never be like that. So as determined as I was to "have my own" and "handle it all" I ended pretty darn independent. At 43 years of age, I HATE IT!!

I am thoroughly convinced that God did not design it for women to do it all. I CAN change a flat, paint a room, trouble-shoot my car for problems, break down tree limbs in my yard after a storm, etc. but the thing is I would RATHER NOT! I'm too pretty and delicate because God created me to be a female. (besides I don't want to break a nail )

Now before you sistas get on me, my stance on this is from personal experience and the lack of males in my life. I think someone mentioned it a page back that a woman can handle all of this and indeed we can, because I did and am still doing it. After the death of my father/brothers/and husband I have had to be the head of my family. Only with God am I able to do it and keep my sanity. I am not just running a household I maintain a house. This is not something I want to do as a female any more.

I am really trying to maintain relationships/friendships with men who step up and are willing to be the men that they were made by our creator to be. So I said all this to say, for the first time in my life I want to be led.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by BlueReign

I'm in agreement with you PrettyBoy. And that's not just from a religious perspective but from personal experience. I witnessed my mother being led and totally submissive and it turned me off growing up where I swore I would never be like that. So as determined as I was to "have my own" and "handle it all" I ended pretty darn independent. At 43 years of age, I HATE IT!!

I am thoroughly convinced that God did not design it for women to do it all. I CAN change a flat, paint a room, trouble-shoot my car for problems, break down tree limbs in my yard after a storm, etc. but the thing is I would RATHER NOT! I'm too pretty and delicate because God created me to be a female. (besides I don't want to break a nail )

Now before you sistas get on me, my stance on this is from personal experience and the lack of males in my life. I think someone mentioned it a page back that a woman can handle all of this and indeed we can, because I did and am still doing it. After the death of my father/brothers/and husband I have had to be the head of my family. Only with God am I able to do it and keep my sanity. I am not just running a household I maintain a house. This is not something I want to do as a female any more.

I am really trying to maintain relationships/friendships with men who step up and are willing to be the men that they were made by our creator to be. So I said all this to say, for the first time in my life I want to be led.

I couldn't have said it better. The last thing I want you ladies to think is that I'm down with ruling women with an iron fist. That's not the right way. Like I said before, she should be involved in every decison, because her input may be better, and a lot of times it is, just not all the time. My X did what she wanted to do, whenever she wanted. She had no respect for me at all, and at the same time, I lost respect for her. When the respect is gone, you can hang it up. I can't respect anyone who doesn't respect me, like I respect them. I can't get down with a woman like that. When a woman feels she has to take on the load, she will get frustrated and lose control everytime, without fail. She was not desinged to do that. I think a man should tell his woman/wife she's beautiful as much as he can, and give her the attention she needs. A man that treats his woman like this will more than likely be able to lead without too much of a problem. Depending on if he chooses the right woman. I just chose the wrong woman. I treated her like a queen and did the best I could with the resources I had available to me, but it wasn't good enough for her. The reason why I'm so picky.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by BlueReign

I'm in agreement with you PrettyBoy. And that's not just from a religious perspective but from personal experience. I witnessed my mother being led and totally submissive and it turned me off growing up where I swore I would never be like that. So as determined as I was to "have my own" and "handle it all" I ended pretty darn independent. At 43 years of age, I HATE IT!!

I am thoroughly convinced that God did not design it for women to do it all. I CAN change a flat, paint a room, trouble-shoot my car for problems, break down tree limbs in my yard after a storm, etc. but the thing is I would RATHER NOT! I'm too pretty and delicate because God created me to be a female. (besides I don't want to break a nail )

Now before you sistas get on me, my stance on this is from personal experience and the lack of males in my life. I think someone mentioned it a page back that a woman can handle all of this and indeed we can, because I did and am still doing it. After the death of my father/brothers/and husband I have had to be the head of my family. Only with God am I able to do it and keep my sanity. I am not just running a household I maintain a house. This is not something I want to do as a female any more.

I am really trying to maintain relationships/friendships with men who step up and are willing to be the men that they were made by our creator to be. So I said all this to say, for the first time in my life I want to be led.

ETA:
I should clarify that I see control issues with a person who need to run everything. They feel like they need to be validated by being the one in control. Man or woman

Soror, would it be the same thing if your children were adult, and they offered to take care of you?

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I couldn't have said it better. The last thing I want you ladies to think is that I'm down with ruling women with an iron fist. That's not the right way. Like I said before, she should be involved in every decison, because her input may be better, and a lot of times it is, just not all the time. My X did what she wanted to do, whenever she wanted. She had no respect for me at all, and at the same time, I lost respect for her. When the respect is gone, you can hang it up. I can't respect anyone who doesn't respect me, like I respect them. I can't get down with a woman like that. When a woman feels she has to take on the load, she will get frustrated and lose control everytime, without fail. She was not desinged to do that. I think a man should tell his woman/wife she's beautiful as much as he can, and give her the attention she needs. A man that treats his woman like this will more than likely be able to lead without too much of a problem. Depending on if he chooses the right woman. I just chose the wrong woman. I treated her like a queen and did the best I could with the resources I had available to me, but it wasn't good enough for her. The reason why I'm so picky.

Interesting that you think this(bolded text).
I'm SUPER picky also and what I find is that men that I have dissmissed (because essentially that's what I did) couldnt step up to the plate. I found that their egos were so fragile, and they were so worried about what their friends would say about their "manhood" and not focus on the actual relationship, that they never had sight of what was really important. To me, they were weak.

[mulattogyrl]

Wow. Just...wow.

[ChanelLover]

Originally Posted by mulattogyrl

Wow. Just...wow.

I agree with you!! I'll just keep my comments to myself, it's quite obvious that I was taught differently about the roles of men and women.

[357Nupe]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

That worked for them however my parents did everything equally so in essence they were both head of the household. They were married for 62 years and seperated by his death. My issue is that men expect women to be strong yet subservient and LET them be in charge. Why cant both be in charge? I can not and will not let someone, esp. a man tell me how, what, when, why, where... and expect me to just go along. That's me. I will hurt a mans EGO (because that's what it really about) in a second and not think twice if he tries to "put me in my place". I've done it before and have NO problems doing it agin. My life is by MY terms and no one elses.

I find it funny that people want to add God and remove God as they feel it necessary. I never said roles according to the bible, you assumed and you know what you do when you a$$ u not me. The roles I am referring to are natural and of course that generally agrees with the bible since it is the essence of nature.

Why do you find it hard to give up control? Your problem is not with marriage, men or religion it is with some words that you have given control of your life. My wife give me control but with the gift she gave me I returned the gift of control to her. I am the head of my house but only because my wife allows it, she still does everything she wants and never ask for permission. Hell I ask to go out, she leaves and calls back to say I will be in later, bossy a$$ AKA's.

Your assumpition is based on perception and yours my dear is flawed. Roles are a part of life when you got your job you got a role, when your were born into your family you got a role, what makes you think that stops when you get married. I hope that when your mate finds you he uses the right words for your sake.

As for you hurting a mans ego, maybe you confused a boy for a man. You can hurt a mans feelings and physical body but his ego should be Diamond encrusted.

[Dionysus]

This some bull, I finna go lesbian....all the way.