Playas till the day we die...

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

Dont get it twisted. I said equal

Merriam-Webster English dictionary
http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary
Main Entry: 1equal
Pronunciation: 'E-kw&l
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin aequalis, from aequus level, equal
1 a (1) : of the same measure, quantity, amount, or number as another (2) : identical in mathematical value or logical denotation : EQUIVALENT b : like in quality, nature, or status c : like for each member of a group, class, or society <provide equal employment opportunities>
2 : regarding or affecting all objects in the same way : IMPARTIAL
3 : free from extremes: as a : tranquil in mind or mood b : not showing variation in appearance, structure, or proportion
4 a : capable of meeting the requirements of a situation or a task b : SUITABLE <bored with work not equal to his abilities>
synonym see SAME



Merriam-Webster English dictionary
http://www.m-w.com/dictionary.htm

submit

Main Entry: sub·mit
Pronunciation: s&b-'mit
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): sub·mit·ted; sub·mit·ting
Etymology: Middle English submitten, from Latin submittere to lower, submit, from sub- + mittere to send
transitive verb
1 a : to yield to governance or authority b : to subject to a condition, treatment, or operation <the metal was submitted to analysis>
2 : to present or propose to another for review, consideration, or decision <submit a question to the court> <submit a bid on a contract> <submit a report>; also : to deliver formally <submitted my resignation>
3 : to put forward as an opinion or contention <we submit that the charge is not proved>
intransitive verb
1 a : to yield oneself to the authority or will of another : SURRENDER b : to permit oneself to be subjected to something <had to submit to surgery>
2 : to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another
synonym see YIELD - sub·mit·tal /-'mi-t&l/ noun

I don't have it twisted, but you do. Big time. The man is the final decision maker. Period. No 50/50. There is only one leader in every situation. Period. Someone has to be in charge. There is no such thing as a 50/50 relationship where both are in charge. That's an impossibility. Somebody is leading somebody. She is to be involved in every discussion, issue and decision but if they can't come to an agreement, his decision stands, and he is also the speaker of the household. Thanks, but I don't need definitions from a man made dictionary. The fact that you typed all that still has no affect on my thoughts. You have your opinion and if that's the kind of relationship you want, then handle your business. But I'll handle mine.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

No, I don’t agree with it but I wasn’t trying to argue with you either. I though it was decent dialogue. You put it out there and I was responding to your opinion. Just looking for some insight.

And for the record, I never said anything about her being behind, I simply asked why you couldn't walk together.

We can walk together, but you think a relationship should be 50/50. Now, you tell me what corporation has two leaders? You can't, because there isn't one. There is always one leader who makes the final decision. Two people can go into business together, but someone is still making the final decisions. Two can't do it if they disagree. You make it seem like she has to walk behind me like women do in other cultures. I'm not saying that at all. In a marriage she is 1st before anyone with the exception of God. All I'm saying is we can walk side by side, but when an issue arises and a decision has to be made, there is no 50/50, he makes the final decision. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. He should always have her input, her input may be better, but if he doesn't think so, he needs to tell her why, and follow through with his final decision. Good luck on your 50/50 relationship, I seriously hope it works for you.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I don't have it twisted, but you do. Big time. The man is the final decision maker. Period. No 50/50. There is only one leader in every situation. Period. Someone has to be in charge. There is no such thing as a 50/50 relationship where both are in charge. That's an impossibility. Somebody is leading somebody. She is to be involved in every discussion, issue and decision but if they can't come to an agreement, his decision stands, and he is also the speaker of the household. Thanks, but I don't need definitions from a man made dictionary. The fact that you typed all that still has no affect on my thoughts. You have your opinion and if that's the kind of relationship you want, then handle your business. But I'll handle mine.

Interesting, my parents were 50/50 so it is possible. 60+ years of possible.
Not trying to "affect” your thoughts, just trying to understand what would make a person give up essentially, control of their life to someone else, willingly.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

Interesting, my parents were 50/50 so it is possible. 60+ years of possible.
Not trying to "affect” your thoughts, just trying to understand what would make a person give up essentially, control of their life to someone else, willingly.

Cool, that's how you were raised. I wasn't. My parents? 44 years of my father running the show as the rock of the house.

[BlueReign]

I'm in agreement with you PrettyBoy. And that's not just from a religious perspective but from personal experience. I witnessed my mother being led and totally submissive and it turned me off growing up where I swore I would never be like that. So as determined as I was to "have my own" and "handle it all" I ended pretty darn independent. At 43 years of age, I HATE IT!!

I am thoroughly convinced that God did not design it for women to do it all. I CAN change a flat, paint a room, trouble-shoot my car for problems, break down tree limbs in my yard after a storm, etc. but the thing is I would RATHER NOT! I'm too pretty and delicate because God created me to be a female. (besides I don't want to break a nail )

Now before you sistas get on me, my stance on this is from personal experience and the lack of males in my life. I think someone mentioned it a page back that a woman can handle all of this and indeed we can, because I did and am still doing it. After the death of my father/brothers/and husband I have had to be the head of my family. Only with God am I able to do it and keep my sanity. I am not just running a household I maintain a house. This is not something I want to do as a female any more.

I am really trying to maintain relationships/friendships with men who step up and are willing to be the men that they were made by our creator to be. So I said all this to say, for the first time in my life I want to be led.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by BlueReign

I'm in agreement with you PrettyBoy. And that's not just from a religious perspective but from personal experience. I witnessed my mother being led and totally submissive and it turned me off growing up where I swore I would never be like that. So as determined as I was to "have my own" and "handle it all" I ended pretty darn independent. At 43 years of age, I HATE IT!!

I am thoroughly convinced that God did not design it for women to do it all. I CAN change a flat, paint a room, trouble-shoot my car for problems, break down tree limbs in my yard after a storm, etc. but the thing is I would RATHER NOT! I'm too pretty and delicate because God created me to be a female. (besides I don't want to break a nail )

Now before you sistas get on me, my stance on this is from personal experience and the lack of males in my life. I think someone mentioned it a page back that a woman can handle all of this and indeed we can, because I did and am still doing it. After the death of my father/brothers/and husband I have had to be the head of my family. Only with God am I able to do it and keep my sanity. I am not just running a household I maintain a house. This is not something I want to do as a female any more.

I am really trying to maintain relationships/friendships with men who step up and are willing to be the men that they were made by our creator to be. So I said all this to say, for the first time in my life I want to be led.

I couldn't have said it better. The last thing I want you ladies to think is that I'm down with ruling women with an iron fist. That's not the right way. Like I said before, she should be involved in every decison, because her input may be better, and a lot of times it is, just not all the time. My X did what she wanted to do, whenever she wanted. She had no respect for me at all, and at the same time, I lost respect for her. When the respect is gone, you can hang it up. I can't respect anyone who doesn't respect me, like I respect them. I can't get down with a woman like that. When a woman feels she has to take on the load, she will get frustrated and lose control everytime, without fail. She was not desinged to do that. I think a man should tell his woman/wife she's beautiful as much as he can, and give her the attention she needs. A man that treats his woman like this will more than likely be able to lead without too much of a problem. Depending on if he chooses the right woman. I just chose the wrong woman. I treated her like a queen and did the best I could with the resources I had available to me, but it wasn't good enough for her. The reason why I'm so picky.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by BlueReign

I'm in agreement with you PrettyBoy. And that's not just from a religious perspective but from personal experience. I witnessed my mother being led and totally submissive and it turned me off growing up where I swore I would never be like that. So as determined as I was to "have my own" and "handle it all" I ended pretty darn independent. At 43 years of age, I HATE IT!!

I am thoroughly convinced that God did not design it for women to do it all. I CAN change a flat, paint a room, trouble-shoot my car for problems, break down tree limbs in my yard after a storm, etc. but the thing is I would RATHER NOT! I'm too pretty and delicate because God created me to be a female. (besides I don't want to break a nail )

Now before you sistas get on me, my stance on this is from personal experience and the lack of males in my life. I think someone mentioned it a page back that a woman can handle all of this and indeed we can, because I did and am still doing it. After the death of my father/brothers/and husband I have had to be the head of my family. Only with God am I able to do it and keep my sanity. I am not just running a household I maintain a house. This is not something I want to do as a female any more.

I am really trying to maintain relationships/friendships with men who step up and are willing to be the men that they were made by our creator to be. So I said all this to say, for the first time in my life I want to be led.

ETA:
I should clarify that I see control issues with a person who need to run everything. They feel like they need to be validated by being the one in control. Man or woman

Soror, would it be the same thing if your children were adult, and they offered to take care of you?

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I couldn't have said it better. The last thing I want you ladies to think is that I'm down with ruling women with an iron fist. That's not the right way. Like I said before, she should be involved in every decison, because her input may be better, and a lot of times it is, just not all the time. My X did what she wanted to do, whenever she wanted. She had no respect for me at all, and at the same time, I lost respect for her. When the respect is gone, you can hang it up. I can't respect anyone who doesn't respect me, like I respect them. I can't get down with a woman like that. When a woman feels she has to take on the load, she will get frustrated and lose control everytime, without fail. She was not desinged to do that. I think a man should tell his woman/wife she's beautiful as much as he can, and give her the attention she needs. A man that treats his woman like this will more than likely be able to lead without too much of a problem. Depending on if he chooses the right woman. I just chose the wrong woman. I treated her like a queen and did the best I could with the resources I had available to me, but it wasn't good enough for her. The reason why I'm so picky.

Interesting that you think this(bolded text).
I'm SUPER picky also and what I find is that men that I have dissmissed (because essentially that's what I did) couldnt step up to the plate. I found that their egos were so fragile, and they were so worried about what their friends would say about their "manhood" and not focus on the actual relationship, that they never had sight of what was really important. To me, they were weak.

[pinkies up]

Different strokes for different folks.
All I know is that I was already a complete person before I met my husband. We COMPLEMENT one another and I have learned (and am still learning) how to allow him to lead the household and the decisions. This doesn't mean that we don't discuss it first, but the thing is he has the final decision whether it be right or wrong. I have learned to trust him and the fact that he would not put the family in a bad situation. We do walk together, but I still know my place in the relationship. We support one another and we do have the right to disagree and speak our peace equally. I know how to handle business if he were to every get sick or leave. I'm not weak by any means. I am enjoying being spoiled at it's nothing wrong with it. Just my opinion.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

Soror, would it be the same thing if your children were adult, and they offered to take care of you?



Interesting that you think this(bolded text).
I'm SUPER picky also and what I find is that men that I have dissmissed (because essentially that's what I did) couldnt step up to the plate. I found that their egos were so fragile, and they were so worried about what their friends would say about their "manhood" and not focus on the actual relationship, that they never had sight of what was really important. To me, they were weak.

ETA:
I should clarify that I see control issues with a person who need to run everything. They feel like they need to be validated by being the one in control. Man or woman

ETA just one womans opinion.

[mulattogyrl]

Wow. Just...wow.

[BlueReign]

Soror NP, I can't really answer your question with one answer cause we are talking about two different things here. I want to be taken care of by my man simply because I have never experienced it and I am tired of taking care of everything. I created this Ms. Independent monster myself.

So, if my children were older and I was at the age that I am now then the answer would be a definite no.

Now, if I were a little old lady and my children offered to take care of me then the answer would be, hell yeah. I know that they would because my teen-aged sons are working and when they have money, they do offer it to me.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by BlueReign

Soror NP, I can't really answer your question with one answer cause we are talking about two different things here. I want to be taken care of by my man simply because I have never experienced it and I am tired of taking care of everything. I created this Ms. Independent monster myself.

So, if my children were older and I was at the age that I am now then the answer would be a definite no.

Now, if I were a little old lady and my children offered to take care of me then the answer would be, hell yeah. I know that they would because my teen-aged sons are working and when they have money, they do offer it to me.

Lol understood

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by marquise1911

Ladies and Gents. .... How will our people ever mend our family structure when we no longer value one of it's most essential ties.

Accept ourselves for who we are and value our unique beauty.

[raggann03]

Discussions like these tend to always leave someone feeling misunderstood or whatever because some important qualifiers are left unsaid. The thing about the man being the lead, etc. etc. Is true, thats biblical, but the one thing that most men forget to also say is this, "In order for me to be the head of OUR household and for you to be the proper helper, God must be the final authority. A man cannot lead except he be led....not to preach here, but thats it. Prettyboy you mentioned that in a disagreement the man has the final say so. Well if both people have entered into this union appropriately it stands to reason that they have both prayed and gotten an answer from God making him the final authority. It goes beyond the man "just being a good man", he has to be a God man for me to allow him to lead. And that only happens once I become his wife. Don't expect me to play a part you haven't offered to me.

[jubilance1922]

Originally Posted by pinkies up

Different strokes for different folks.
All I know is that I was already a complete person before I met my husband. We COMPLEMENT one another and I have learned (and am still learning) how to allow him to lead the household and the decisions. This doesn't mean that we don't discuss it first, but the thing is he has the final decision whether it be right or wrong. I have learned to trust him and the fact that he would not put the family in a bad situation. We do walk together, but I still know my place in the relationship. We support one another and we do have the right to disagree and speak our peace equally. I know how to handle business if he were to every get sick or leave. I'm not weak by any means. I am enjoying being spoiled at it's nothing wrong with it. Just my opinion.

I was wondering when that word was gonna come up.

I'll just say that men say "I want a woman who is willing submit and let me lead". Well, women can't walk around submitting to every random man, you've got to prove that you are worth her submitting to you. You've got to prove that you have both of your best interests at heart.