Playas till the day we die...

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by marquise1911

Yet when I asked brothers to get it together, that is because we honestly need to. All of us have been hurt, but a lot of men use that as an excuse to whore and hurt women. [b]Some men never give anyone the chance to hurt them.[b] Women too have been hurt and because of that they make every man they date a "self fulfilling prophecy". The world is now filled with Bag Ladies and Icebox Men.

Interesting observation. I don't know your past relationships or if you have been married before, but it sounds like you were unsure of who you really were if you were actually married. That does not mean it is any of my beeswax, just an interesting observation.

I don't know any man that has been hurt so badly that they do not give a woman who might hurt him. I know men that have been hurt. I know women who have been hurt. But that chance to have love seems enough to override all past hurts and bitterness.

Anyone not over his or her past pain in love shows it in numerous ways. A true lover would be a healing one to assist getting past those hurts and pains. Normally, it is one who is experienced, mature and wise. Sometimes it comes from someone who has naivete. Either way, only an astute lover truly wishes the best out of his or her partner.

My reason for starting this thread was to simply state my observations. I have a chapter of 20 brothers and more friends/associates than I can count. HOW IN DA BLUE HELL CAN I NOT FIND A SINLGE ONE IN A POSITIVE LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP!!!

A positive long term relationship is difficult to do when neither party lives in denial about themselves. How can one be positive when they live in negativity. Parentless children, lack of positive relationships or marriages--what should a positive marriage exactly look like? So, these days, when the ONLY people fighting for the right to married are the LGBTQ community, how are we as African Americans going to really venture out requesting stability in relationships leading to marriage when over 70% of our children are reared in homes headed by a single parent?

I am NOT knocking folks reared in single parent homes. One cannot help the circumstances in which he or she were born. However, it is something that is just fine in OUR KIND of families...

It is okay to have unprotected sex and as a woman become impregnated by some man, but many women feel they aren't ready or worth it to be married to anyone...

Not to bash, but how come that is not the other way around?

[marquise1911]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Interesting observation. I don't know your past relationships or if you have been married before, but it sounds like you were unsure of who you really were if you were actually married. That does not mean it is any of my beeswax, just an interesting observation.

Umm I don't know how clear I have to be...REMARRIAGE. I think that pretty much explains itself. As far as being "unsure or who" I really am, that is not the case. I just simply didn't know who I was married to even after 5 yrs. Quite frankly no one is ever certain.

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

I don't know any man that has been hurt so badly that they do not give a woman who might hurt him. I know men that have been hurt. I know women who have been hurt. But that chance to have love seems enough to override all past hurts and bitterness.

I would gladly hand you my cell phone and let you take a random dial. You would find quite a few. There are people who keep their relationships to such a bare minimum that there is no room for someone to hurt them. Hell if it wasn't so common Kelly Clarkson couldn't have a #1 single for 4 weeks based on it. Let's not pretend to be so in the dark about these things.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by marquise1911

Umm I don't know how clear I have to be...REMARRIAGE. I think that pretty much explains itself. As far as being "unsure or who" I really am, that is not the case. I just simply didn't know who I was married to even after 5 yrs. Quite frankly no one is ever certain.

How does it explain itself? What does remarriage to YOU mean? It means to me that your prior marriage failed for whatever reasons and you are no longer married as defined by the state and the nation. You know the legal ramifications between marriage and divorce. But are we discussing marriage as one form of a "LOVING STABLE RELATIONSHIP" or are we discussing just relationships? Because I need a reference otherwise, I really do NOT understand where you are trying to go with your diatribe. I am interested in trying to relieve some people's pain.

I would gladly hand you my cell phone and let you take a random dial. You would find quite a few. There are people who keep their relationships to such a bare minimum that there is no room for someone to hurt them. Hell if it wasn't so common Kelly Clarkson couldn't have a #1 single for 4 weeks based on it. Let's not pretend to be so in the dark about these things.

A bunch of hurt people means there is a lack of internal love within themselves. If they failed to love themselves initially, they ALLOWED themselves to be in a hurtful and painful vicarious predicament. Relationships, married or not just don't END for no reason. Something gets exchanged, be it money, good times or bodily fluids. And some things are at least grunted and/or moaned at minimum in the kinds of relationships we are discussing. I think it is a cop out when people take their past hurts and pains and assess and project those onto new lovers. The new lover does not have a chance when the relationship starts. Now we are not talking about the pimps and playas and prostitutes. We are talking about people are seriously and actually DO want to be in a MEANINGFUL relationship.

Anyone who keeps a distance to minimize hurt and pain in a relationship is at best not allowing himself or herself to the actually vunerability of exposition to a fault for the re-actualization of true love.

The irony about TRUE LOVE is you cannot hide your faults and you must show them as badges of courage, experience and honor. You only go into love for the experience and enjoyment of the other person's presence in your life. Be it a friend for now, sometime or a lifetime. And in the end, you have a friend... A friend is someone you dare to be yourself with all your warts, blemishes, bruises and scars.

Now, I am not romanticizing this issue because I have been there, done that is the most horrible of abusive, physically, sexually and verbally relationships. So, I do not have any delusions of the degeneration of all relationships. However, I CHOSE to entertain FOULNESS in my life at that time. And now, all I can say is that I am blessed to be in the marriage that I am in even if it is temporary. Because as an attorney told me, "all marriages will end" either by choice or by death...

What can one do to guard his or her heart from relationship pain and distress?

I don't think one can...

[marquise1911]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

How does it explain itself? What does remarriage to YOU mean? It means to me that your prior marriage failed for whatever reasons and you are no longer married as defined by the state and the nation...

Ummm that's not the definition of remarriage, sounds more like divorce. But yes in order for me to "remarry" I would have had to have a marriage which had previously ended. So your question as to if I had been married was silly...

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

A bunch of hurt people means there is a lack of internal love within themselves. If they failed to love themselves initially, they ALLOWED themselves to be in a hurtful and painful vicarious predicament. Relationships, married or not just don't END for no reason...

Ok. You must be a few steps short of reason to honestly believe that a person through a lack of self love invites pain. I would whole heartedly agree with you if you said they ACCEPT ill treatment because they lack self value. But the fact remains that no matter how much you love yourself, it will not stop your spouse from cheating. No matter how much you love yourself, ith will not stop your mate from diving head first into a bottle of whiskey. Self love is not the issue. What we are dealing with is the fact that the relationship and family structure of our people is on a speed boat to hell and some of us are enjoying the ride. That my friend is the real issue.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by marquise1911

Ummm that's not the definition of remarriage, sounds more like divorce. But yes in order for me to "remarry" I would have had to have a marriage which had previously ended. So your question as to if I had been married was silly...

I don't know your situation or for that matter much care. You asked a question then retorted to my opinion. I responded in kind. My "bad", I should have played nicely in the sandbox, stayed quiet and not repond to your utterances.

Ok. You must be a few steps short of reason to honestly believe that a person through a lack of self love invites pain. I would whole heartedly agree with you if you said they ACCEPT ill treatment because they lack self value. But the fact remains that no matter how much you love yourself, it will not stop your spouse from cheating. No matter how much you love yourself, ith will not stop your mate from diving head first into a bottle of whiskey. Self love is not the issue. What we are dealing with is the fact that the relationship and family structure of our people is on a speed boat to hell and some of us are enjoying the ride. That my friend is the real issue.

WAIT!!! ARROGANCE DOES NOT = SELF-LOVE. ARROGANCE, as what you are displaying is thinking you are above God, Himself. That is idol worship. That's false. That is not self-love.

Self-love is about respecting yourself and trusting yourself ENOUGH so that even though you are vunerable to attack, you TRUST that your partner will do right by you... That is ALL YOU HAVE GOT! THAT IS ALL YOU CAN DO!

The other person in your RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU CHOOSE TO PURSUE AND MAINTAIN--because really, you did not HAVE TO ABSOLUTELY MARRY THIS PERSON? NO ONE PUT A GUN TO YOUR HEAD SAYING, "MARRY THIS PERSON, NOW DAMMIT"--she was broken before you met her... And you cannot fix when the other person is not ready, period.

So when someone cheats, when someone drinks: ALL SIGNS are present before you sign ANY paper legalizing the thing.

Your problem was you FAILED to get full disclosure before you sign the life-long mortgage agreement...

Yes, I sure you did EVERYTHING in your power for this woman--I am assuming it was a woman. But this woman, was a pained person before you married her. Now, is it your job to fix it? HAYLE NO! That had nothing to do with your LOVE of HER. What is has to do really, is you CHOSE that foul situation because basically, did you TRUST yourself to ACCEPT the CORRECT AND BEST woman in your life--Hayle, did you TRUST GOD ENOUGH? Did you allow enough SELF-LOVE of yourself based on God, to let Him grant you the right mate? I don't care about your answers to these questions, but are you asking these questions of yourself?

God don't make no mistakes... Which means, this little incursion in your life was a LESSON for you. Did you learn it? I don't need to know THAT answer, but are you asking that question?

Lemme tell you: rather than attacking and insulting my intelligence and experience, you need to re-evaluated yourself a tad bit and realize that all things in life cannot be blamed on the outside. Some things take introspection of one's self.

It sounds like you or your buddies want PowerHouse sistahs, some of us reside on GC, but if you all want better relationships, then improve your Gameplan, advance to the higher Echelons, upgrade to the high stakes tables and Ante up. Because, really, debasing me with your words makes your game sloppy, which has nothing to do with your looks, but more with your intellect, your credit report and psych evaluation...

[tld221]

Originally Posted by ShamikaT

I'm almost 23.

i couldve sworn in another thread a while back that you were 15 goin on 16...

Originally Posted by ShamikaT

Now, I ain't into any 'tutin, but exchanging my boo'kay of silky purple iris flowers for a little cash won't hurt me at all.

you know, that statement just turned my stomach a little. im not even kidding.

[marquise1911]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

...

Babe. You chose your screen name correctly because just like a Monet you should be interpreted from afar. Honestly you've missed every clear point that I have made. Your advice is so faulty and riddled with pitfalls. And your weak attempts at insulting me just make you appear to be even more of an idiot. Honestly it's time for you to hear the POP. What pop? It's the sound you'll hear when you finally pull your head out of your @$$. I would rather take relationship advice from Liz Taylor than a dillouted self-loathing sicko like you. I could honestly see cats taking to the streets in protest if all the useless things you've said were printed and used to line their litter boxes. So instead of Monet why not follow Van Gogh. Get the sharpest object you can find, but don't cut of an ear. CUT OFF ALL YOUR FINGERS AND ANY OTHER BODY PART YOU CAN USE TO TYPE ANOTHER ASSININE POST. YOU SORRY WASTE OF PROCREATION!

I send you all my love.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by marquise1911

Babe. You chose your screen name correctly because just like a Monet you should be interpreted from afar. Honestly you've missed every clear point that I have made. Your advice is so faulty and riddled with pitfalls. And your weak attempts at insulting me just make you appear to be even more of an idiot. Honestly it's time for you to hear the POP. What pop? It's the sound you'll hear when you finally pull your head out of your @$$. I would rather take relationship advice from Liz Taylor than a dillouted self-loathing sicko like you. I could honestly see cats taking to the streets in protest if all the useless things you've said were printed and used to line their litter boxes. So instead of Monet why not follow Van Gogh. Get the sharpest object you can find, but don't cut of an ear. CUT OFF ALL YOUR FINGERS AND ANY OTHER BODY PART YOU CAN USE TO TYPE ANOTHER ASSININE POST. YOU SORRY WASTE OF PROCREATION!

I send you all my love.

I have no love for your hatred toward the divinity of my creation.

Insight is not your forte.

Your points lack clarity, your ideas are falsities and your arrogance though brutal shows your superfluous joculance.

Too bad you lack faith. I guess you actually are a sadist. Continue your pangs and abuse...

Keep up the great posts! The more anger your writing has, the more I learn about you...

Nakambuka
Assante
Akeerah
Ashe

[marquise1911]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Yes, I sure you did EVERYTHING in your power for this woman--I am assuming it was a woman. But this woman, was a pained person before you married her. Now, is it your job to fix it? HAYLE NO! That had nothing to do with your LOVE of HER. What is has to do really, is you CHOSE that foul situation because basically, did you TRUST yourself to ACCEPT the CORRECT AND BEST woman in your life--Hayle, did you TRUST GOD ENOUGH? Did you allow enough SELF-LOVE of yourself based on God, to let Him grant you the right mate? I don't care about your answers to these questions, but are you asking these questions of yourself...

You don't know a single things about me so you chose to assume. Well guess what assuming will make an @$$ out of you, not me.

Thanx and good day....

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by marquise1911

You don't know a single things about me so you chose to assume. Well guess what assuming will make an @$$ out of you, not me.

Thanx and good day....

You have much to learn my young padawan...

And what you know about reality is limited...

Take care of yourself as always and I hope God blesses you and keeps you...

My prayers are sent up to God in Heaven for your soul.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

The irony about TRUE LOVE is you cannot hide your faults and you must show them as badges of courage, experience and honor. You only go into love for the experience and enjoyment of the other person's presence in your life. Be it a friend for now, sometime or a lifetime. And in the end, you have a friend... A friend is someone you dare to be yourself with all your warts, blemishes, bruises and scars.

Geeze, I wish you could have told my ex that...

[tld221]

Originally Posted by ShamikaT

Shiiiiiii, it's pretty obvioius them niccas haven't been hangin around the right women. LIKE ME. *ahem* My vagina, mouth, and recturm is lined with gold.. I was going to go into more detail, but remembered that this is GC, and some of us are saved.

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

Right..Hey fella's, if you want some free milk...

Beware fellas, last i knew that milk ain't been pasteurized!

( ::whispering to ShamikaT "you done turnt 18 yet?" :: )