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Originally Posted by 357Nupe
Now I know my next statement is going to start something but here goes, It is not a woman's place(role) to tell a men she is ready to be married, now a woman can leave if she feels the relationship is going nowhere but a man will ask when he knows the relationship is ready for that step. With that said every woman should have standards in her head and if he is not up to those standards, LEAVE HIM.
If you look at how marriage was setup women were not put in the finding role but in the accepting role. If he meets your standards you accept him if not dump him.
In conclusion when men and women understand their roles in relationships the outcome is a lot clearer and easier to obtain. We as men have forgotten our place and ladies you have decided since we can't figure it out you will take over, and sorry to say it does not work.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX
here's a ?? though...
is it fair to leave a man high and dry without letting him know why? and in letting him know why, arent you telling that man i am ready/waiting on you?
i know it is grounds to get my feelings hurt if i go in with that "marry me or else" attitude. HOWEVER...i am not going to sit back and shack up and not at least let you know my feelings. i find it to be quite helpful when i hear exactly what he's thinking. and at the same time, i know plenty of women who sit and wait forever and he never says anything about marriage/settling down.
are we as women supposed to sit and wait for you all to tell us what you want? or should men step up and lay it all on the table for us at the beginning of the relationship or once your feelings change one way or the other?
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Firstly, should women and men have roles to fulfill in regards to marriage, then to each other, if to each other?
If a woman desires marriage, then she actually chooses the request from the man, unless she is bold and wants to ask her man herself.
Standards are appropriate when you can hold yourself similarly accountable. You can expect a "Prince William" or "Prince Harry" when you are no where near that kind of royalty. Sure, one can dream. However, is that a real situation for majority of African American women?
I cannot ask my husband to be anymore than that which I am willing to put into our marriage relationship. He has to be free to choose and I can hope it is me. That is the basis of trust in the relationship.
Secondly, anyone in the relationship can walk without explanation. Legally, it is hard to do so when one is married in the United States. Other countries I am not sure about. But, people that give these marriage licenses out assume folks are adults who make adult decisions. If one chooses to married someone who will leave without explanation--I hope that would never happen--then, he or she has that option to make their own choices. Part of this is karma, part of this is common sense.
If you leave without explanation, what to stop your partner from doing the same?
The other issue, is you only love one who loves in return. To run up under a man who will never love you as you deserve, then it to allow yourself with plenty of pain. That suggests definition by the "man" in your life, rather than who you defined yourself to be or become. And if those are your reasons to get married these days--well, oh well, whatever, good luck with that!
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