40 y.o. track coach marries his student :( - Page 4

DaemonSeid · #46 06-25-2007, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Worse. She was giving them the silent treatment....so they didn't have a choice.

oh no. not the silent treatment....what would she have done if they threatened either time out or grounding for a month?

kathykd2005 · #47 06-25-2007, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaneSig

Yeah, I saw that and thought, "Well, your first mistake as parents was naming your child after a weather pattern."

Seriously, having taught for several years, I see some kids' names and think: With that name, I can already see there are going to be problems. Other teachers, back me up here.

Yea, I'll have to agree with the names thing. I had some seriously strange names in my classes.

AGDLynn · #48 06-25-2007, 06:57 PM

I can attest to that. I see some interesting names in my line of work.

Why would a parent name a child "Jessie James" and be surprised when he broke the law.

I don't know if he is still in office, but there is a Sheriff Crook.

PeppyGPhiB · #49 06-26-2007, 01:14 AM

There actually is some truth to the names thing. Basically what happens is that people react a certain way when they hear a name, and they'll treat that person accordingly. The person with the weird name reacts to the way they're being treated, and so on. They call it "conforming to name" and things like that.

Kinda like if you constantly talk to someone as if they're stupid, they'll start to act stupid.

Marie · #50 06-30-2007, 05:10 PM

Oh my Lord! I am a little horrified that there are some many ppl who are not somewhat disturbed by this.

I am pretty sure that the article mentioned that they were caught exchanging text messages a 2 in the AM when she was still 14. I know that a lot of you say that you had much older friends when you were in your early teens, but really...were you chatting it up with them in the middle of the night? and if so what about? I mean, who here honestly believes that at 2 AM he was giving her coaching or life advice?

I guess a better question is what 40+ yr olds on this board have teenage friends? Do you consider them your buddy like your other 40+ yr old friends? Would you have them stand up in your wedding or some other 'friend-like' commitment like that? It seems like when you're a teenager hanging out with older folks you might view your relationship as a friendship. However, maybe they viewed it as a mentorship or a big bro/big sis type of relationship...different from their other grown up friendships.

Also, we keep speaking to the emotional maturity that 16 yr olds had back in our grand parents generation. However, the mere fact that she couldn't/wouldn't wait until she graduated from high school and gave her parents the silent treatment (a move that I have not pulled since I was a teen myself) kinda shows that she isn't emotionally ready for marriage. The fact that he didn't come directly to her parents, state his intentions, and develop their 'friendship/relationship' in the open shows that his intentions are a bit less than honorable.

Ultimately the fault lies with her parents. I can't believe that they let it get this far, and I am sooooo glad that my parents nipped any such foolishness right in the bud. I couldn't have been friends (the chatting at 2 AM kind) with a guy 3 yrs older than me...let alone 20 yrs. Unbelievable!

DSTRen13 · #51 07-01-2007, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marie

I am pretty sure that the article mentioned that they were caught exchanging text messages a 2 in the AM when she was still 14. I know that a lot of you say that you had much older friends when you were in your early teens, but really...were you chatting it up with them in the middle of the night? and if so what about? I mean, who here honestly believes that at 2 AM he was giving her coaching or life advice?

I can only speak for myself on this, but yes, I did talk on the phone to an older male friend late at night. I believe at the time I was 15 and he was 38 or something? Not really sure. I have no idea the exact time of night. Mostly, we discussed philosophy, Jesus, and different ideas about Christianity. It wasn't a sexual thing. He isn't a freak and I'm not a freak, and it really isn't a big deal

mystikchick · #52 07-01-2007, 12:48 PM

First off, the parents claiming they had no choice is the most ridiculous thing ever. "It was going to kill us all?" Please. You are the adults in this situation, you could have prevented this and endured the awful silence, but you chose to cave and sign off on a completely inappropriate situation THAT YOU RECOGNIZE AS INAPPROPRIATE. You are not her friends, you are her parents.

Secondly, while I respect and acknowledge the stories of those who have posted saying that love can develop at this age and with such an age gap/they had friends with this kind of age gap, this situation is wholly inappropriate. This girl clearly had feelings for her coach as stated by the text of the email posted in the article "He's the apple of my eye..." and while that's fine and normal, the fact that it eventually culminated in him marrying her signals to me that this was not just about friendship. A responsible adult figure in his position would have attempted to explain why her feelings were inappropriate and misplaced on him, and would be better directed towards someone of her own age.

The other thing is that while there are obviously exceptions to every story like this, as DSTRen's story indicates, the sad fact is all too often, there is something inappropriate going on. Who knows whether their relationship was sexual before hand (even if it was consensual, it's inappropriate), but the level of emotional intimacy they seem to have, enough to culminate in wanting to marry each other, is neither appropriate or ok.

It's not definitely illegal activity, but it's a little too shady for my comfort.

starang21 · #53 07-02-2007, 09:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom Earp

Ah, Love is strange!

^^^^^ attempted to marry a pre-schooler last year

:barf:

Marie · #54 07-05-2007, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

I can only speak for myself on this, but yes, I did talk on the phone to an older male friend late at night. I believe at the time I was 15 and he was 38 or something? Not really sure. I have no idea the exact time of night. Mostly, we discussed philosophy, Jesus, and different ideas about Christianity. It wasn't a sexual thing. He isn't a freak and I'm not a freak, and it really isn't a big deal

Soooo...if in the future you have a 14 yr old daughter chatting on the phone w/a man who is at least 20 yrs older than her in the middle of the night, and you can't personally attest to what the conversations are about, then you will be cool with this?

I guess what I am stuck on is that it is a parent's job to protect their child. Something like this (the 14 - 30+ coed friendship) seems like a glaring risk. To chalk it up to a unique and special friendship (I think that we can all admit that this is not the norm) just seems negligent.

DSTRen13 · #55 07-05-2007, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marie

Soooo...if in the future you have a 14 yr old daughter chatting on the phone w/a man who is at least 20 yrs older than her in the middle of the night, and you can't personally attest to what the conversations are about, then you will be cool with this?

I guess what I am stuck on is that it is a parent's job to protect their child. Something like this (the 14 - 30+ coed friendship) seems like a glaring risk. To chalk it up to a unique and special friendship (I think that we can all admit that this is not the norm) just seems negligent.

I guess I can't really say what I would do with a teen daughter - it's a long way off since I don't even want to think about pregnancy right now! (

) But I would really hope that I would know enough about any children that I might have to be able to judge whether or not any friendships they might have, regardless of age and sex differences, are appropriate and healthy. It just seems to me like every person and every friendship could be one way or another.

fantASTic · #56 07-05-2007, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

I can only speak for myself on this, but yes, I did talk on the phone to an older male friend late at night. I believe at the time I was 15 and he was 38 or something? Not really sure. I have no idea the exact time of night. Mostly, we discussed philosophy, Jesus, and different ideas about Christianity. It wasn't a sexual thing. He isn't a freak and I'm not a freak, and it really isn't a big deal

Yes..but the thing is, you don't really know what HE thought. Maybe he was sexually attracted to you. If he didn't tell you, you may not have ever known. It's not so improbable.

DSTRen13 · #57 07-05-2007, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fantASTic

Yes..but the thing is, you don't really know what HE thought. Maybe he was sexually attracted to you. If he didn't tell you, you may not have ever known. It's not so improbable.

I suppose not. He's married now, to a woman his own age. If there was any sort of sexual thing that I never noticed, then I have to say no harm, no foul. He certainly never expressed anything of that nature in any way. I just don't think that as a rule such a friendship has to have sexual overtones. But I guess it just depends on the people involved.