Is sex really that big of a deal?

christiangirl · #1 03-17-2007, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valkyrie

As long as you're only talking to other virgins or fully explain yourself every time, you'll be fine.

I totally agree. That's why I didn't bring it up till DD brought it up because we knew (in general) what the other was talking about....but inside jokes on a public forum apparently cause 4 pages worth of confusion

. Thanks for respecting my opinion, you are a gem on this site!

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

You need to protect yourself with condom(s) and birth control if you are sleeping with a man for the first time even if it is your husband.

Hmmm....I always felt this way until recently. BC yes, but a condom with my own husband? Now I've heard the horror stories about women and children getting HIV from daddy, even though mommy waited to she was married. It's devastating and my husband's gettin' tested for everything under the sun before we walk that walk, but even so....It's just pathetic where our world is that you have to say, "I'm dedicating my life to you, but I still think you might give me something."

*Only problem is, at my age, my longest relationship was for less than 4 months and it was back in high school. It seems waiting till I'm married is the reason that I can't find a guy to stay with me long enough to marry me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by interestladiLTA

I have decided to wait until I am married to have sex. I have dated guys with very strong sex drives. One guy in particular tried to force me to have sex. Now that I have found someone I can see myself with forever I struggle with keeping my promise to myself and just being sexually frustrated or give into my desires and put my self at risks for a broken heart and/or or the other risks that come with sex...

I'm sooo sorry that happened to you, but I applaud you now. That's terrifying! It's not easy to keep this status (like just because you make a promise to yourself, it's easy to keep it). Welcome to the support group...what are you, #3 or #4? lol

AKA_Monet · #2 03-17-2007, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Hmmm....I always felt this way until recently. BC yes, but a condom with my own husband? Now I've heard the horror stories about women and children getting HIV from daddy, even though mommy waited to she was married. It's devastating and my husband's gettin' tested for everything under the sun before we walk that walk, but even so....It's just pathetic where our world is that you have to say, "I'm dedicating my life to you, but I still think you might give me something."

So, I posted the info on GC when someone sent it to me. But a few months ago an official at the CDC quoted as saying "even if you are married, an African American women who is married to an African American man should make him wear a condom".

It is located somewhere on CDC fact sheet.

I know that's pretty jacked up and quasi-racist, you just NEVER KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND!!! And soon it will be SPOUSE. That's going to accelerate the decline in "traditional marriage". Another topic for another day.

So, I don't know if you can have the sexual confidence and emotional stabilization without actual the premarital sex and potential humiliation associated with it. But I have seen many a hurt woman who entrusted her heart to asswipes. I only hope they used protection. Because it's not just HIV/AIDS, but HPV, Hepatitis and Herpes. As well as Syphillis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. Any of these STI's potentiate the risk of HIV/AIDS. Most folks carry 1-2 other these infections before contracting HIV/AIDS.

Don't think of it as "I don't trust you". If you don't take him yourself to the hospital and see blood drawn and open the results when he gets it, then you will never know. It won't protect you from his potential philandering. But it will ease your mind.

The Tantra will teach you that you expand your Universe of your own expression, your "occupant" is required to make supplication and offering to eternal love as a product of his love and thoughts needed to truly sustain the true essence of the relationship.

Basically, if he says he loves you, he would show you and do it, without question...

And what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

So, make it an outing.

AKA_Monet · #3 03-17-2007, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by christiangirl

*Only problem is, at my age, my longest relationship was for less than 4 months and it was back in high school. It seems waiting till I'm married is the reason that I can't find a guy to stay with me long enough to marry me.

So there is nothing wrong with waiting. It's just how long do you want to wait?

Sometimes, to find the best man for the job, you have to wait until your 30's or 40's.

I am a firm believer of pursuing your life goals. Get a career/job or goto grad/professional school. Then stabilize your financial situation before even dragging someone else into the mix.

I'd say, if you are going to be a physician or a neurosurgeon, you will be in school forever, save your eggs.

But, you have a world of experience.

Somewhere on GC we discussed that you ought not be defined by the marriage to a man... That truly does not define you. Yet, I am a party to attest to the fact that "when I get a man...." mythology. When I did get married, our honeymoon was over before we had one... So, it didn't make a difference for me.

christiangirl · #4 03-17-2007, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

So there is nothing wrong with waiting. It's just how long do you want to wait?

Sometimes, to find the best man for the job, you have to wait until your 30's or 40's.

AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN!!!!!

Lol, but I'm still waiting till I'm married. I just want to wait to have sex till I'm married...I don't want my waiting to have sex be the reason I have to wait forever to get married. If that makes sense.

tld221 · #5 03-17-2007, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by christiangirl

I don't want my waiting to have sex be the reason I have to wait forever to get married. If that makes sense.

now finally i can agree with you.

while im still a virgin who isnt down with the whole "waiting for marriage" thing (dont wanna get married), i feel like if i ever DO get married, i'll still be a virgin and it'll just be coincidental that i remained so until then.

really, im just waiting on someone who a little less than mr. right, and way more than mr. right now... meaning he doesnt have to be my sunmoonandstars, but he just cant be some joe blow on the corner.

Dionysus · #6 03-17-2007, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tld221

really, im just waiting on someone who a little less than mr. right, and way more than mr. right now... meaning he doesnt have to be my sunmoonandstars, but he just cant be some joe blow on the corner.

or she...

Right on though.

tld221 · #7 03-17-2007, 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dionysus

or she...

Right on though.

yeah i hear that!

AKA_Monet · #8 03-17-2007, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by christiangirl

AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN!!!!!

Lol, but I'm still waiting till I'm married. I just want to wait to have sex till I'm married...I don't want my waiting to have sex be the reason I have to wait forever to get married. If that makes sense.

So we know that loss of virginity in women is politically and a whole bunch of other things is different than loss of virginity in a man...

I am willing to bet that you will be married in your mid-20's because some guy will figure out that if he wants you, he has to marry you.

The sad part is that he marries you, and he is unwilling to "share" his enjoyment and experience with you just so he can taste your "wine"... And then he leaves you because you may not be into the "learning curve" and don't want to play "catch up". Or, the first time, your lucky, your are pregnant and don't feel like having sex during your pregnancy... Then what does he do?

I mean, I don't need to know this information, but those are the kinds of things you have to consider in relationships.

Generally, a man in his mid-30's+ is into starting a family these days... There's research on that aspect.

PrettyBoy · #9 03-19-2007, 02:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by christiangirl

AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN!!!!!

Lol, but I'm still waiting till I'm married. I just want to wait to have sex till I'm married...I don't want my waiting to have sex be the reason I have to wait forever to get married. If that makes sense.

Great idea. If I were you I would wait. And when you do get married, you'll know if he's the right man because if he's willing to wait for you, then that to me means he loves you for you and only you. Good luck.